Rabbi Yissacher Frand
Towards the end of the Parsha, Avimelech told Avraham “I see that G-d is with you in everything that you do. And now, swear to me, by G-d, not to be deceitful with me or with my children or my grandchildren. The kindness that I did with you, please do with me...” [21:22-23] Avraham agreed to the terms of the oath.
If we look at the terms of the agreement, it was clearly a one-sided bargain. Avraham swore to be kind to Avimelech and his children and grandchildren, and he obligated his own descendants to be kind to Avimelech and his descendants. Avimelech, on the other hand, swore regarding his personal obligation to Avraham. However, he did not obligate his children, nor did he even promise kindness towards Avraham’s children and grandchildren. There was no full reciprocity here.
Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch explains the reason for this discrepancy. Avimelech knew that Avraham was in a position to make a commitment and be sure that his children and grandchildren would follow along. Avimelech likewise knew that whatever he himself might promise, would certainly NOT be binding upon his children.
The Jewish way of life is to follow the traditions of parents and grandparents. Our heritage is all about “passing it on” — having confidence that there will be grandchildren and great-grandchildren that will respect the word of a zaide [grandfather]. That was in fact the definition of the essence of Avraham: “For he commands his children and household after him (lishmor derech Hashem)” [18:19]. Even Avimelech understood that Avraham could make such a commitment, but he himself could not. Avimelech could not even be certain how his children would turn out, let alone his grandchildren.
In this week’s parsha, Avraham received the command of the Akeida [the binding of his son, Yitzchak). Avraham declared his readiness. He began his journey with his son Yitzchak.
But consider for a minute... Yitzchak was not a 3-year-old child. According to Rabbinic tradition, Yitzchak was already 37 years old. Should the father not at least have mentioned the purpose of the journey to his son, before they departed? The answer is that there was no reason for him to do so. Just as he could take an oath that his children and grandchildren would keep his agreements, he KNEW who he was dealing with. He knew he had been successful in the education of his son. There was no question in his mind that Yitzchak would be equally prepared to carry out this commandment.
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, zt”l, took a trip to Israel in his older years, accompanied by one of his sons. During the long flight, Rav Yaakov’s son looked after his father’s every possible need with great dedication. There was another man was sitting on the plane near the Kamenetskys. As time went by, Rav Yaakov noticed that the man was becoming more and more upset. Rav Yaakov finally asked him, “What’s bothering you? What am I doing wrong?”
The man responded, “I can’t stand to see how well your son is treating you. I know that if I were an 87-year-old man and would have to rely on my son to take care of me, I would be in very bad shape. It simply eats me up to see how well your son treats you, knowing how poorly my son treats me.”
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky, in the best spirit of the disciples of Avraham, was able to raise generations that respected elderly parents and grandparents. Unfortunately, in our time, this tradition is lacking, not only among the world at large, but also because of our assimilation and acculturation, this once proud tradition is even lacking among our own people. Our pristine tradition, however, is demonstrated in this week’s parsha. A grandfather can make a promise, confident that even his grandchildren will follow it to the letter of the law.
