In the יחוד לשם before lighting Chanukah lecht (printed in Siddur Yaavatz) it states, וזרע זרעי ויהיו למטה ונחמדים למעלה אהובים וחסידים חכמים תלמידי זרעי הטוב כרצונך הכל ועבודה לתורה לבבם את ותחזק, "May my children and grandchildren be talmidei chachamim, chasidim, loved from heaven and appreciated by people below. Strengthen their hearts for Torah and avodas Hashem, everything as your good will."
Someone asked the Yeshuos Moshe of Vizhnitz zt'l for a brachah for good children, and when he asked this request, this yungerman used the words from this tefillah. He said, ועבודה לתורה לבבם את ותחזק, that his children’s hearts should be strong with Torah and avodas Hashem. The Yeshuos Moshe replied with the final words of this prayer, הטוב כרצונך הכל, meaning that it is up to the father to truly want this, and to do actions that will bring this about. If the father desires it with sincerity and if he takes the needed steps to help this happen, it can help the children grow with a strong desire for Torah and avodah. (Obviously, there are other variables, as well, and not everything is up to the parents. But parents should do what they can to help their children in their avodas Hashem.)
It states (Bereishis 1:26) אָדָם נַעֲשֶׂה א ֱלֹק ִים וַיֹּאמֶר וְיִרְ דּ וּ כִּדְמוּת ֵ נוּ בְּצ ַלְמ ֵ נוּ, "Hashem said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and they shall rule...' כִּדְמוּת ֵ נוּ בְּצ ַלְמ ֵ נוּ, 'our image, after our likeness' means that a person was created with the middos that Hashem has. As Chazal say, 'Just as Hashem is compassionate, so shall you be compassionate. Just as Hashem is kind, so shall you be kind,' etc. The word וְיִרְ דּ וּ means to rule (see Rashi). We can explain that there is a lesson in chinuch here. If a parent has good middos, and he will have compassion, patience and kindness with his children, he will be able to rule over them. But if he is angry and impatient with his children, he won't be able to 'rule' over his children to be mechanech them.
In (Devarim 11:18-19), after the mitzvah of tefillin, the Torah states the mitzvah of chinuch, of teaching Torah to children. It states, עֵינֵיכֶם בֵּין לְטוֹטָפֹת וְה ָיוּ יֶדְכֶם עַל לְאוֹת אֹתָם ׁ ַרְת ֶּםוּקְש בָּם לְד ַבֵּר בְּנֵיכֶם אֶת אֹתָם וְלִמ ַּדְת ֶּם, "Bind them for a sign upon your hand and they shall be for ornaments between your eyes. And you shall teach them to your sons to speak with them..." Rebbe Isamar of Nadvorna zt'l said that this is to teach us to keep our focus on chinuch. Chazal say that it is forbidden to be דעת מיסח, to lose focus of the tefillin. When one wears tefillin, he must always be conscious that he is wearing them. The same applies to chinuch. It must always be on our minds.
It states (Bereishis 6:16) לַתֵּבָה תַּעֲשֶׂה צֹהַר. According to one explanation in Rashi and in (Sanhedrin 108b), this means that Noach was told to place a precious stone in the teivah, and this stone gave off light, so it was illuminated in the teivah. There is a tremendous lesson in chinuch here. The Yiddishe home, today, is teivas Noach. There is a mabul outside, and the teivah, the Jewish home, is our protection. But there must be "light" inside. This means there should be happiness and kedushah in the home; it should be pleasant to be there. Especially on Shabbos and on yom tov, the children should feel that it is good to be at home, and that their home is their gan eden.
It is known that when there is light inside, you don't see what is going on outside. For example, when one drives a car at night, it is often important that it be dark in the car so that he can see the road. So, too, the house should be bright and lit up with emunah, joy, and kedushah, because when it is light inside, you won't see outside.
The Ben Sorrer U'Moreh and Teshuvah
The ומורה סורר בן is a child who consumes large portions of meat and wine. The Torah is concerned that his ways will deteriorate, and he will end up being a thief and a murderer. Therefore, the Torah says, "He should be put to death when he is still innocent, rather than to wait for him to be killed when found guilty." Shem MiShmuel (Ki Seitzei א"תרע) asks that we know there is hope for everyone, and everyone can do teshuvah. Why is the Torah so sure that this boy's ways will deteriorate to the stage of no return? Why is he killed? Perhaps he will do teshuvah and improve his ways!
Shem MiShmuel asks another question: Chazal (Sanhedrin 88b) say, "If the parents of a ומורה סורר בן want to forgive him for his bad ways, they can." This is difficult to understand. The ומורה סורר בן, the rebellious child, isn't killed because he rebelled against his parents; rather, it is because he took on a lifestyle of eating a lot of meat and drinking a lot of wine, and the Torah sees the future of this child, that he will end up standing on the street corners to steal from people. So, why should the parents' forgiveness help to free the ומורה סורר בן from his punishment?
Shem MiShmuel answers that the Midrash (Tanchuma 4) says that only the Jewish nation can do teshuvah. This is because a Jewish soul is a link in a holy chain, going all the way back to the avos hakedoshim, and to the tzaddikim of past generations. Therefore, even after one sins and tarnishes his neshamah, his connection to his past keeps the spark of his neshamah alive. The Midrash says that goyim can't do teshuvah. This is because they don't have holy roots. Their souls aren't connected to the holiness of the past, and therefore, even if they try to repent, they will fail in the end. Their teshuvah won't last long because they don't have a holy source to keep their repentance alive. Only the Jewish nation can do teshuvah because the spark of their soul is kept alive and inspired from the generations before them, from the holy link of generations.
The Torah is sure that the ben sorrer u'moreh will not do teshuvah because he rebelled against his parents, as it states (Devarim 21:18) בְּקוֹל ַשֹׁמֵע א ֵינֶנּוּ וּמוֹרֶה סוֹרֵר בֵּן לְא ִישׁ יִה ְיֶה כִּי אֲל ֵיהֶם יִשְׁמַע וְלֹא אֹתוֹ וְיִס ְּ רוּ אִמּוֹ וּבְקוֹל אָבִיו, "If a man has a wayward and rebellious son, who does not obey his father or his mother, and they chasten him, and does not listen to them." When a child rebels against his parents and doesn't respect them, he cuts himself away from his roots, and he loses his connection to the tzaddikim of the past. This is the reason we can be certain that the ben sorrer u'moreh won't do teshuvah.
However, there is a solution. Shem MiShmuel explains that if the parents forgive their child, the parents' love makes the connection. The son, with his rebellious ways against his parents, detached himself from his origins, but his parents, with their forgiveness and love for their child, can reestablish the connection. Due to his parents' love, the child is now connected to his parents and to his past. He now has the potential to do teshuvah. Therefore, Chazal tell us that when the parents forgive the ben sorrer u'moreh, he won't be killed.
The Baal HaTurim on the pasuk (Bereishis 44:30) בנפשו קשורה ונפשו, "his soul is attached to his soul," writes, "The word קשורה is written twice in Tanach. Here and the other one is (Mishlei 22:15) נער בלב קשורה אולת, 'Foolishness is bound in a child's heart.'" Based on our discussion, we can explain this as follows: Since the אול, foolishness, is tied to the child's heart, the solution is ונפשו בנפשו קשורה, his father and mother should connect with this child. That will link him to the past and banish the foolishness that's in his heart.
The Baal HaTurim teaches something similar. He writes, שתהא צריך בו קשורה שאולתו מפני לחנכו אביו של בנפשו קשורה נפשו, "Since he is bound with foolishness, he needs the connection with his father's soul to be mechanech him."
