Question: My son is currently fighting in Lebanon. It is hard not to worry, or envision worst case scenarios. I dread hearing that knock on the door with horrifying news. Phone calls from numbers I do not recognize raise my adrenalin. I see the holy faces of our soldiers that have fallen, so sweet and pure—and it only makes me worry more. How can I stay positive and not worry?
Answer: Your worry is totally normal. You raised your son from infancy, watched him take his first step, say his first word, go to his first day of school. You smiled when he smiled and cried when he cried. Your worry is an expression of your love for your son, the deep bond you share. It is beautiful! At the same time, Hashem gives us challenges so we can grow; to achieve the potential we are capable of attaining. The greater the challenge, the greater the potential for growth.
Worry stems from concern about a real or imagined issue. It is the fear of the unknown. In short: “I fear what might happen.”
Emunah (faith) engenders calm and positivity. Emunah is rooted in a firm belief in the goodness and omnipotence of the Creator. In short: everything that happens is from Hashem and is good. The stronger one’s emunah, the less worried and anxious they will feel.
Every Jew has an animal soul and a G-dly soul. Worry and anxiety stem from the animal soul; emunah stems from the G-dly soul. When visions such as the dreaded knock on the door enter your mind, replace them with images of your son in Lebanon—strong, healthy and successful—protected by Hashem each step of the way. Each time scary thoughts enter your mind, replace them with positive imagery.
As we are taught in the text, Tanya, “the mind rules over the heart”. We have the power to choose our thoughts and healthy thoughts lead to healthy feelings. As you fill your mind with positive imagery, the scary thoughts will dissolve and the worry and fear will be replaced with calm and trust. You will feel better.
As the Rebbe wrote in a letter: when one truly desires [to banish these thoughts and feelings] and makes a concerted effort to do so, he will be successful [in his quest]. This is in accordance with the ruling of our Sages, of blessed memory: “If you strive, you will succeed.”
In addition, the Zohar teaches that the way a person conducts himself in this world determines how he is dealt with Above. In the words of the Zohar: “If a person down here shows a luminous face, in the same way a luminous Face shines upon him from Above.”
Aharon Schmidt, marriage & individual counseling, [email protected]
