Cross talk
Rabbi Rabinovitz went in to beg his board of directors to buy a new synagogue chandelier. Arguing and pleading for over an hour, he eventually sat down believing he had failed. Suddenly, the president of the board said, "Why are we wasting time talking'? "First of all, a chandelier, ... why, we haven’t got anyone who could even spell it. Second, we haven’t got anyone who could even play it. And lastly, what we really need in the shul is more light!"
The proposal
Shlomo and Hetty, an elderly widow and widower, had been dating for about three years when Shlomo finally decided to ask Hetty to marry him. She immediately said "yes". The next morning when he awoke, Shlomo couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so. Wait, no, she looked at me funny..." After about an hour of trying to remember, but to no avail, he got on the telephone and gave Hetty a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to his proposal. "Oh", Hetty said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."
My darling wife
Sidney Cohen was thinking about how good his wife had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her. He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?" The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her so good looking?" "So you could love her, my son." "Why did you make her such a good cook?" "So you could love her, my son." Sidney thought about this. Then he said, "I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?" "So she could love you, my son."
The check-up
Rivkah went to her doctor for a check up. Afterwards, the doctor said to her, "I must inform you that you have a fissure in your uterus, and if you ever have a baby it would be a miracle." As soon as she got home, Rivkah said to her husband, "You vouldn't belief it. I vent to the doctah and he told me - 'You haf a fish in your uterus and if you haf a baby it vill be a mackerel'"
