There are various different minhagim [customs] regarding what should be done with the cup of wine used for the birchas erusin under the chuppah. The original minhag always was, that the maseder kiddushin would recite hagofen, then recite the birchas erusin, and he wouldn’t drink anything from the cup of wine, and he would give it straight to the choson and kallah to drink from.
The idea that the mesader kiddushin doesn’t need to drink from the wine, is clear from the Mishnah Berurah (end of 550) who writes that on a ta’anis (when the one making the berachah, and the choson and kallah don’t taste from the wine) we recite hagofen and give the wine to a young child to drink. We see that there is no requirement for the mesader kiddushin to taste from the wine.
However, nowadays, many have the minhag that the mesader kiddushin does taste from the wine before giving it to the choson and kallah to drink, or he tastes from the drops of wine that spilt on his hand.
Yotza Moitzi by Birchas Erusin
The source for this new minhag is the Pnei Yehoshua in Kuntros Achron on Kesubos, where he asks: How can the mesader kiddushin be moitzi the choson and kallah with the berachah of hagofen, surely it is a birchas hanhenin and by birchas hanhenin we rule yotza eino moitzi, that if one doesn’t need the berachah for himself, he can’t make it for others? By kiddush and havdolah we say yotza moitzi, as by kiddush and havdolah the obligation to drink the wine is part and parcel of fulfilling the mitzvah of kiddush and havdolah, however,
“Yotza moitzi” is a term normally used by birchas hamitzvos, which means, that even if one has already fulfilled a mitzvah, he can repeat the mitzvah and recite a berachah on it to help someone else fulfill their duty. However, by birchas hanhenin it means, can one make for example the berachah of shehakol on a cup of water, if he doesn’t intend to drink the water himself. We refer to it as yotza moitzi even though one hasn’t actually been yoitza anything yet, as it is as if he has already carried out the chiyuv, as he has no need to do it, just like one who has already fulfilled a mitzvah.
by birchas erusin, this is not the case. There is no Gemara which obligates one to use a cup of wine when reciting the birchas erusin, it is a minhag which the Geonim adopted due to אין אומרים שירה אלא על היין – that when saying song we say it over wine, and if one doesn’t have wine he can recite the birchas erusin without it, unlike kiddush and havdolah where having wine is me’akev [fundamental]. The Pnei Yehoshua concludes tzorich iyun [the matter needs more looking into].
Because of this question, some achronim hold that the maseder kiddushin should taste some of the wine. They bring a diyuk [implication] for this from the Rambam in Shu”t Pe’er HaDar (siman 8): “And because of this, the gedolei chachomim in our city would first make a berachah on one cup of wine, a birchas erusin, and they would taste it to ensure it wasn’t a berachah levatolah.” It is implicit from the Rambam, that the maseder kiddushin would taste from the wine.
Eidus [Testimony] About the Minhag of R’ Chaim Brisker zt”l
The Sefer Afikei Yam (Vol. 2, siman 2) quotes a letter from R’ Simcha Zelig Reiger zt”l, in which he testifies that the minhag of R’ Chaim Brisker was to purposely make sure that some of the wine spilt out of the cup of wine on to his hand, and after the berachah he would taste from this wine, in a manner that people wouldn’t notice [in order not to openly change from the minhag].
The Afikei Yam concludes: It needs to be established, that the one reciting the berachah should taste from the cup of wine, to avoid any questions of berachah levatolah, or one should at least do like R’ Chaim Brisker and taste from the wine that spills on one’s hand.
The Minhag of a Number of Great Poskim
The Shulchan HaEzer (siman 8, sif 1, he’orah 9) and the sefer HaDras Kodesh (Inyonei Nisuin, siman 5) both bring testimony that R’ Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld zt”l would taste from the wine that spilt on his hands, and that they heard that R’ Shmuel Salant also did this. However, they add that the minhag in Yerushalayim wasn’t like this, as doing so is not considered derech eretz [well-mannered].
It is also brought down in Orchos Rabbeinu, that the Steipler had the minhag to taste from the wine at most of the weddings that he was mesader kiddushin at for his grandchildren.
The Kovetz Tzohar (Vol. 12) brings a manuscript from the Aderes, in which he testifies that he was at a chuppah with R’ Shmuel Salant and he saw that he tasted from the cup of wine used for the birchas erusin [the Shulchan HaEzer also brings this]. The Aderes writes that he thinks the reason for this was because of the Pnei Yehoshua. However, the Aderes defends the minhag ha’oilam not to for two reasons, as we will see below, and the Aderes himself followed the minhag ha’oilam.
Answering Up the Widespread Minhag of Not Drinking
Below are some of the reasons the poskim bring down for the widespread minhag of not drinking from the cup of wine:
1) One Shouldn’t Drink from a Cup and then Give It to A Friend to Drink
The Sdei Chemed (Ma’areches Berachos, siman 31) quotes a letter from the Aderes who writes that it is a clear Gemara in Tamid 27b.
The Gemara in Tamid teaches: “One shouldn’t drink water from a cup and then give it to his talmid to drink, unless he first pours some of the drink over the area that was drunken from.” The Gemara brings a story with someone who drank from a cup and never poured out from it to clean it, and then gave it to his talmid, and the talmid was an istanis [delicate person] and didn’t want to drink, and he ended up dying from thirst. The Gemara then relates: “At that time, they enacted that one shouldn’t drink water and then give it to his talmid, unless he first washes out the area where he drank from.”
The Aderes says, that although the Gemara is talking about water, there is no reason to differentiate between water and wine. Moreover, the Maseches Derech Eretz Rabbah (Perek 9) says: “One shouldn’t drink from a kois and give it to his friend, as it is a danger”, and normally kois refers to a cup of wine.
This din is brought down l’halachah (Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 170:16 and 22): “Don’t drink from a kois and then give it to a friend, as it is sakonas nefoshos [dangerous]”. “After drinking from a cup of wine, if there is some left and one plans to give it to a friend, one should wipe off the area he drank from, as not doing so is disgusting.”
The Aderes is ma’arich [speaks at length] to prove that there is no difference between a cup of wine being drunk for leisure, or a cup of wine being drunk for a mitzvah.
This approach is slightly difficult, as why can’t the mesader kiddushin drink from the cup of wine and then wipe it clean, like the Shulchan Aruch says to do.
[See the Shemiras Shabbos Kehilchasah (Perek 48, he’orah 69) who asks on the minhag of those who pour kiddush from their cup of wine after drinking from it for others, as seemingly it should be forbidden due to sakonas nefoshos.]
However, the above concern wouldn’t apply in the case of R’ Chaim Brisker and R’ Yosef Chaim Sonnenfeld, as they didn’t drink from cup. However, as we mentioned, there is another reason not to do like this, as doing so is not derech eretz.
2) A Prominent Rav Shouldn’t Drink in Public
The Aderes (there) brings another approach, that since the job of being mesader kiddushin is normally given to a choshuvah rav normally in charge of a large tzibbur [community], it is forbidden for such a rav to drink in public as is clear in Shulchan Aruch (Choshen Mishpat 8:4). Because of this, the minhag of those who are mesader kiddushin is that they don’t drink from the wine.
3) It Is Not Fitting for a Talmud Chocham to Drink in the Marketplace
R’ Shlomah Zalman Auerbach zt”l in Minchas Shlomah (Vol. 1, siman 18, he’orah 4) brings an additional reason from R’ Zalman Sorotskin zt”l (Shu”t Me’oznayim Lemishpot, siman 9) that since generally speaking chuppah’s are held on the streets, and it is not fitting for a talmud chocham to eat on the street, therefore, the mesader kiddushin doesn’t drink.
However, R’ Shlomah Zalman asks on this, as if it is considered drinking in the marketplace, then the kiddushin should also be considered to be taking place in the marketplace, and Rav would give malkus [lashes] for one who performs kiddushin in the marketplace.
4) A Chosan Is Like a King (חתן דומה למלך ) and It Is Not Fitting to Drink Before the King Does
An additional reason R’ Shlomah Zalman brings down, is that the mesader kiddushin doesn’t drink as a chosan is comparable to a king and it is not fitting for anyone else to drink before him. And for the mesader kiddushin to drink after the chosan is also not respectful, as the mesader kiddushin is a choshuvah rav, and it’s not fitting that he doesn’t drink first, therefore, to save issues he doesn’t drink altogether.
[R’ Shlomah Zalman adds: According to the above, if the chosan and kallah don’t taste from the wine, then the one making the berachah needs to taste from it, and he can’t rely on the fact that other people are going to drink].
The Kovetz Mevakshei Torah (27) brings: Practically, R’ Shlomah Zalman Auerbach and R’ Shach wouldn’t drink from the cup of wine. However, when being mesader kiddushin at a Sephardi wedding R’ Shlomah Zalman would drink from the wine as the Shulchan Aruch (Even HaEzer 34:1) says that the rav who is mesader kiddushin is a shliach [agent] of the chosan.
Machlokes [Dispute] Between R’ Chaim Brisker and the Brisker Rav, If We Say Yotza Moitzi by a Minhag
R’ Berel Soloveitchik zt”l (הגרי''ד), the previous rosh yeshiva of Brisk, would say that he originally thought that it can’t be true that R’ Chaim would make sure to taste some of the wine, and even if he did, it was an old minhag that he did when he was young, however, later on in life he retracted. The reason being, that he never saw his father the Brisker Rav doing it, and if R’ Chaim would have done it, then his son the Brisker Rav would have certainly copied.
However, subsequently he decided that it is actually a machlokes between R’ Chaim and the Brisker Rav, if there is a din of yotza moitzi by hagofen on a cup of a wine only required based on a minhag, and the cup of wine used for birchas erusin is only a minhag.
[R’ Zalman Sorotzkin, in Shu”t MeOznayim Lemishpot (Vol. 1, siman 12) writes in a Teshuvah to his father-in-law the Afikei Yam, that the Brisker Rav told him clearly: שלא ידוע לו הנהגה זו דהגר''ח – “That I don’t know of such a mode of conduct by R’ Chaim.” However, the sefer Shalmei Sarah (siman 73) brings in the name of R’ Moshe Mordechai Shulzinger zt”l in the name of a chocham eched, that perhaps what the Brisker Rav means is: לא שמיע לי, i.e. I don’t hold of it, but not that he never heard of it.]
The Chosan Who Doesn’t Have Intention to be Yoitza the Berachah
The Afikei Yam points out another issue, which is that even if yotza moitzi does work, however, many times the chosan and kallah don’t have intention to be yoitza with the berachah of the mesader kiddushin, and if the mesader kiddushin doesn’t drink from the wine, then it will end up being a berachah levatolah.
R’ Berel Soloveitchik would say that the Brisker Rav was always upset about the fact that there are unlearned chasanim who don’t have kavonah for this berachah. And because of this, R’ Berel would make up with his gabbah [attendant] beforehand, that he should have intention to be yoitza with the berachah, and he would give him to drink. (This is the Brisker Rav in accordance with his own opinion, that he wasn’t worried about the question of the Pnei Yehoshua, that if one isn’t drinking, he can’t make a berachah for someone else.)
(Based on a Teshuvah written by R’ Avraham Sanger, cited in Madanay Yom Tov, Vol. 9, siman 32)
