רבי טרפון ,ר' טרפון אומר: לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא את ה בן חורין

רבי טרפון ,ר' טרפון אומר: לא עליך המלאכה לגמור, ולא את ה בן חורין להבטל ממנה." (אבות ב' כ"א) said, ‘It is not your responsibility to finish the task, yet you are not free to withdraw from it.’ How do we understand the connection? "לא עליך המלאכה לגמור" – You’re not expected to finish the job; implying that a person does not have be a perfect – the job doesn’t have to be complete, all he has to do is his best – his part. A person must set his goals high, but never be upset or depressed that they are not yet complete, or they are not perfect.

However, what is the continuation of the ולא אתה בן חורין להבטל ממנה" – מש נה " – why would a person think he shouldn’t start in the first place? משל למה הדבר דומה, a בחור who is asked to give a חבורה, or a בחור who is asked to daven for the עמוד. What’s the real reason why most often a בחור doesn’t want to give a חבורה? Most people who have a reasonable voice, why do they reject the offer when asked to take the עמוד?

Most people say ‘no’ because they are scared they may make a flop – they might make a mistake – they may muck it up. “The חבורה might not go well, it may sound wrong, it may not be true what I’m saying…” a person thinks to himself.

The person has many חשבונות. However, if a person would think honestly to himself for a moment, he will realise that certainly he could give an acceptable חבורה. Does a person need to give a חבורה like a מגיד שיעור or ?? ראש ישיבה

Unfortunately, we don’t look at it in such a way. A perfectionist doesn’t do anything out of his comfort zone. When we have this perfectionist feeling we doom ourselves to a life of chasing and a very elusive goal. If we don’t correct this now – we will be 90 years old still living as a perfectionist.

Furthermore, a perfectionist will not enjoy anything he does. All he is focusing is on his goal which he hasn’t reached and hasn’t completed, and therefore he cannot enjoy the stages toward the goal – he is only thinking about being whole – without being perfect without any blemishes.

A person must set his goal, but then enjoy the journey – enjoy each step at a time and must not think about what he is missing and what he is lacking from being perfect.

Because a perfectionist does not go out of his comfort zone – since he is afraid about making a mistake or making a flop, another result is that a person will end up not using his true and inner כוחות.

The חובת הלבבות writes in his הק דמה : “How can I write a ספר חובת הלבבות? Who am I to write a מוסר ספר which will be perfect?” He writes there that he wasn’t keen of writing the ספר. However, then he thought to himself, “How many ספרים could have been written if people wouldn’t have that fear of not doing a good job and not producing a good ספר. Therefore, I forced myself, and wrote the ספר חובת הלבבות.”

This is the lesson of "לא עליך המלאכי לגמור" ,ר' טרפון – Don’t think you must complete the job – don’t think you must be perfect, because people who think they must be perfect, are so afraid they will mess up, they don’t even start the job – they don’t even try. Regarding this continues ר' טרפון, "ולא אתה בן חורי ן להבטל ממנה" – just because you can’t finish, that is not a reason to not try and start the job! You must start! Don’t think you don’t need to start because you won’t finish! Perfect is the enemy of good.

We must ask ourselves many questions, “Do we feel that that we have done till now is considered good? Are we afraid we will lose the כבוד from our friends if we make mistakes? Do we enjoy what we are doing? Do we often feel we can’t achieve what we want to achieve? Do we ever give up before we start?”

This מידה often comes from our mindset which involved whilst in school where the teachers make a big fuss about getting 100%. That’s the mindset we grow up with.

Another reason we make this mistake comes from the fact that we learn about the אבות הקדושים – we learn about מרע"ה, we read books about the .גדולים Certainly, we mist look at these great people and understand and appreciate how high a human being can reach on planet earth. However, we use them as yard sticks to measure ourselves. Often we must understand that many of them started on a much higher מדריגה than all of us (see ר' משה פיינשטין זצ"ל in פ' וארא). We also don’t realize what difficulties and נסיונות these great people had in their lives.

We must understand that it’s through mistakes which we grow. We mustn’t be afraid of making a mistake because we grow from mistakes.

We must remind ourselves constantly that being perfect is impossible. There is only one thing perfect, and that is הקב "ה . There is nothing else in the בריאה which is perfect. The דרך השם teaches that we are not expected, and we are not created to be perfect! It’s impossible for anyone of us to be perfect and to say that a person should be perfect is complete כפירה. We must try to do our best, but we must internalize that it’s impossible to be perfect, a person makes mistakes.

We must acknowledge that being perfect is not a positive מידה. People who have this מצוה are not happy, and not having שמחת החיים is certainly something הקב"ה does not want.

When trying to be perfect – a person will not enjoy life. all the person is thinking is about his goals, and we cannot enjoy the process of reaching close to those goals. Perfection breeds a certain tenseness and pressure.

The way out if this מידה – which every person can comply with, is to constantly take a small risk out of our comfort zone. Just do something you’ve been afraid to do because of making a mistake.

Every person makes mistakes and every person grows from mistakes. Speak to any successful person you know, and he will honestly tell you that throughout his life he has made big mistakes and messed things up along the way. There is no such thing as being successful without making mistakes along the way.

We must set goals, yet then we focus on what we are doing – step by step. The perfectionist who has climbed 200 steps cannot live with the fact that he still has 800 steps to go! He’s not a happy man! He gives up. We must look at it differently. We must set the goals high and try and reach them. Along the way – it’s normal to make mistakes. Without internalizing this message we are putting ourselves under much pressure and אגמת נפש and ultimately perfection is simply the biggest imperfection.

This is the understanding in ר' טרפון ’s words, “The fact you can’t be perfect is not a reason to give up on starting.”

Transcribed by Avrohom Dov Kohn – אברהם דוב הכהן כהן All mistakes, omissions and errors are mine.