Consult competent people; no need for anxiety; school administration are best suited to make decisions; effect of environment and power of leadership role
By the Grace of G-d
5th of Teves, 5745
Brooklyn, N. Y,
Blessing and Greeting:
Your letter of the 19th of Kislev, with enclosures, reached me just now.
Needless to say, to make an evaluation of a situation overseas is very difficult, especially in a letter. However, this is not really necessary, seeing that you have been in consultation with competent people, and you will no doubt continue to do so. Therefore, I can only make some general observations.
First of all, you surely know that nowadays such problems with children are very common, and, in fact, probably in the overwhelming majority, although, of course, not all problems are of the same degree, or in the same domain. I say this advisedly, for it seems from your writing that you are overly anxious, for which there is no real reason.
Usually, the final decision as to how to deal with children who have such problems lies with the administration of the school, after discussing the situation with the parents and being advised of the way the child is handled at home. The reasons are understandable, since, firstly, the administration are more objective than a parent can be. Secondly, they are also more experienced in such problems, inasmuch as they deal with many children. And, after all, the parents can also express their opinion to help arrive at the best decision.
It is also well to bear in mind that a significant number of such problems are usually straightened out in the course of time through the contact that the child has with other children and with the teacher and parents, because a child especially (subconsciously) responds to the environment and to the persons with whom the child is in constant contact.
What surprises me is that there is a factor in the situation which is rarely, if ever, used. This is to give a problem child a role of leadership with a group of younger children, through some school activity and the like. This usually goes a long way to encourage the child's self confidence, as well as making the child more sociable, etc. I trust that this method could be used also in your situation - of course with the approval, and under the supervision, of the school administration.
The above will surely suffice for you and your husband to discuss the suggestions with the administration, to whom you may, of course, show this letter. I have strong confidence that the results in regard to each and all of your children will be gratifying.
As for the specific problem, whether he should repeat his grade at school, or be promoted to a higher grade - this, as mentioned above, is a decision which should be made by the school administration. I would like to add, however, that to pressure the administration in one particular direction is sometimes counterproductive. On the other hand, parents can surely suggest, if they feel strongly about it, that the child be promoted tentatively, for a trial period.
No doubt you know that the date of your letter, the 19th of Kislev, is a very auspicious day, being the Anniversary of the Geulo of the Alter Rebbe, Founder of Chabad, who has left a legacy of blessings for all those who follow his teachings, especially in the area of Chinuch. May this add a further measure of Hatzlocho also to you and all yours.
With blessing,
