Excessive Hishtadlus Only Distances the Shefa
We have discussed the Be’er Mayim Chayim that likens hishtadlus to planting. Once a person has planted the seed, it’s clear that there’s nothing more for him to do. It won’t help to brood over it and will it to grow. The same applies to our hishtadlus. Once we have made the initial planting, there’s nothing more for us to do.
When we ask another person for a favor, it’s like that initial planting. Standing there and pushing matters will not help. There’s nothing to do after the planting stage—other than davening and relying on Hashem. It is important to remember this, because this yesod is relevant every single day, in so many ways. Every time a person does anything from which he would like to see results, he must step aside immediately after doing his hishtadlus—because even if he’ll stand there all day, he will accomplish nothing.
When We Insist on Standing There...
Sometimes, a person will say, “Okay, I know that I won’t accomplish anything by standing over my plants. But I won’t damage them either... I have the urge to stand there. Surely this can’t be so terrible.”
This person did his hishtadlus. He asked someone for a favor, and he says to himself that it wouldn’t be terrible if he reminds him about it—just to make sure that it works out. “Yes, I understand that the Be’er Mayim Chaim tells us that it won’t help an iota. But it makes me feel better to be involved, and to do things...”
Excessive Hishtadlus Can Only Cause Damage
But this isn’t true. Doing excessive hishtadlus isn’t only unfruitful—it also damages and distances the yeshuah.
If we run after a person incessantly to remind him about the favor we asked him to do... if we try and “accompany” our hishtadlus to ensure that it bears fruit... it will only bring loss instead of gain! Not only won’t it help, but also it will cause damage. The Chovos HaLevavos tells us this in his introduction. If we do more than is necessary, we’re essentially relying on our own abilities, and with this we untether ourselves from the Ribbono shel Olam, which automatically causes us to fail.
Hishtadlus That Gives Birth to Snakes
The Beis HaLevi, in his Ma’amar HaBitachon, cites the Navi regarding those who engage in hishtadlus but have abandoned their emunah. ביצי אפעה תבקע והזורה ימות מביציהם האכל יארגו עכביש וקורי בקעו צפעוני, they hatch adder’s eggs and weave spider webs; whoever eats of their eggs will die, and when [the eggs] are squeezed, a viper is hatched (Yeshayahu 59:5).
He explains that when we perform hishtadlus without bitachon, it’s akin to one who gathers eggs and warms them so they will hatch chickens, but venomous snakes emerge instead. This person says, “I want something to be born from my efforts,” and he expends many exertions to this effect—but instead he is harmed by the poisonous snakes.
He must understand that if he insists on remaining at the nest to warm the eggs, he will cause damage. His eggs will hatch snakes. With his excessive efforts, he has only made things worse. We can make the initial effort, but then we must refocus and leave the results to the Ribbono shel Olam.
“Sitting on Your Child” Brings the Opposite Result
A perfect mashal to illustrate this point is the chinuch of our children. The express job of the parents is to invest in chinuch efforts. We must guide our children and correct them when they’re acting inappropriately. We must explain to them what proper and appropriate behavior is. “I understand that you want something, but throwing a tantrum is beneath you... you must be able to control yourself and learn to accept disappointment.”
But everyone understands that if we stand over the children every minute and correct them at every turn, it won’t bring the desired results. A father may convey the greatness of learning all night on Shavuos, but by hovering over his son all night to make sure he doesn’t pause his learning for a moment, he will not instill in the child a love for Torah....
Allowing Them Space to Grow
The proper path for success in chinuch—especially when it comes to teenagers, who already have a mind of their own, according to the Torah, and they must develop their personality on their own—is to transmit to them the yesodos they must know, but then we move aside and we allow them to grow! Only in such a way can the child grow into a healthy and settled adult. If we spend their adolescent years hovering over them and correcting them, it may only lead to no good, R”l.
The same applies when we transmit the importance of tzniyus to our daughters. If we truly want them to absorb and adopt what we’re teaching them, we must instill in them the proper mores and foundations—and then we must move aside.
Like a Sapling
Chinuch is like planting a young sapling. The only thing we can do is to plant it into the ground, and hope to Hashem that it will take root, that rain will fall, and that beautiful fruits will sprout forth. If we stand over the sapling and smash it with a hammer, because we don’t see anything happening, we can be sure that no good will issue from it.
Similarly, if our children are constantly looking over their shoulders at their parents who refuse to allow them to cut the apron strings, they will not succeed. Children must be allowed to take the knowledge and the values that we have transmitted to them and choose to follow in this path. If we don’t allow them to choose success, they won’t grow.
Don’t Look
And the same applies when we ask others for a favor or when we do hishtadlus in any given area. The Be’er Mayim Chayim is teaching us that standing there and doing more will not only be fruitless—it will only cause damage. We may be warming the eggs... but we’re hatching dangerous snakes. Only when we refocus after our planting and don’t think about “doing more,” then rain will fall and our hishtadlus will bear fruit.
Indeed, the Me’or Einayim (Parashas Va’eschanan) teaches that for this reason Chazal tell us העין מן הסמוי בדבר אלא שרויה הברכה אין, blessing comes only when the matter is concealed from the eye. If you want your effort to succeed, turn your eyes away from it as soon as you have done your part. Don’t count the money, and don’t be preoccupied with it. Allow it to grow, with emunah and tefillah. The very fact that we look away, looking only to Hashem and relying only on Him, directly causes the blessings and the shefa to come.
