We have learned that the person who is at the receiving end of the humiliation is the one who gains. The same is with anger. The person who is at the receiving end of anger gains greatness, as we will explain:
The Gemara (Pesachim 66b) states, אותו מורידין השמים מן גדולה עליו פוסקין אפילו שכועס כל, "Whoever becomes angry, even if it was decreed that he should receive greatness from heaven, he is demoted." The Gemara learns this from Eliyov, the son of Yishai and the brother of Dovid HaMelech. The Gemara proves that he had the potential to be the king of Yisrael but lost the opportunity due to anger. As it states (Shmuel 1, 17:28) בדוד אליאב אף ויחר, "Eliyov became angry with Dovid." At that moment, he was demoted, and he wasn't chosen as king.
In (Shmuel 1, 16), Hashem told Shmuel HaNavi to go to the family of Yishai, because מֶלֶ ךְ לִי בְּב ָנָיו רָא ִיתִי כִּי, "For I have seen for Myself a king among his sons." When Shmuel saw Eliyov, he said, "He appears worthy of being a king." The Navi states (ibid. 16:6) מְש ִׁיחוֹ 'ה נֶגֶד אַ ךְ וַיֹּאמֶר אֱלִיאָב אֶת וַיַּרְא בְּבוֹאָם וַיְהִי, "When they came, and [Shmuel] saw Eliyov, he said, 'Surely, before Hashem is His anointed.'"
Hashem replied,מְאַסְת ִּיהוּ כִּי קוֹמ ָתוֹ ַּגְּבֹה וְאֶל מ ַרְא ֵהוּ אֶל ת ַּבֵּט אַל, "Look not upon his appearance, or the height of his stature, for I have become disgusted with him." The expression מְאַסְת ִּיהוּ כִּי, "For I have become disgusted with him," sounds like something happened, which caused Eliyov to be rejected from being king. Initially, he was supposed to be the king, but then Hashem rejected him. Shmuel saw the other sons of Yishai and said, 'ה בָחַר לֹא בָּזֶה גַּם, "Neither has Hashem chosen him." בָּא ֵלֶּה 'ה בָחַר לֹא ַׁייִש אֶל ּאֵל ש ְׁמו וַיֹּאמֶר, "Shmuel said to Yishai, 'Hashem has not chosen these.'"
Then Dovid was brought before Shmuel, and Shmuel anointed him to be the king. For most of Dovid's brothers, Shmuel said, "Neither has Hashem chosen him." They were never chosen. They were never destined to be king. However, Eliyov was supposed to be the king, only he lost it מְאַסְת ִּיהוּ כִּי, "For I have become disgusted from him". Hashem rejected him due to his anger. Chazal learn from this that even when one is destined for greatness, for a high-ranking position, he loses it due to anger.
Sfas Emes (on this Gemara) asks, so why did Dovid get the kingship, which was due to go to Eliyov? We understand why Eliyov lost it. He lost it because of his anger. But why did Dovid receive it? The Sfas Emes replies: It must be that this is the way Hashem leads the world. The person who is at the receiving end of someone's anger will receive the greatness that the other lost.
A non-Jewish officer stood at the window of Rebbe Mordechai Chernobyler and witnessed his spirited avodas Hashem. He thought it was funny and laughed at the rebbe, Rebbe Mordechai. Rebbe Mordechai replied, "Behold, it states (Mishlei 3:34) יליץ הוא ללצים אם, and this can mean that when resha'im make leitzanus and they laugh at you, הוא, Hakadosh Baruch Hu יליץ, will say words of מליצה. He will ימליץ, speak in favor and for the benefit of this person who is receiving the shame (Likutei Torah, Tanach).
So, this is another benefit of receiving humiliation. Hashem speaks in his favor.
The same is with the sun and the moon: the one to become smaller." The moon became small, and the sun remained with its bright self, with its might and majesty. Chazal compared those who suffer shame and humiliation to the sun so they will know that they shouldn't feel down. They will remain with their greatness. Those who spoke out against them will suffer and become smaller, as this is what occurred to the sun and moon.
It states (Tehillim 69:13-14)וּנְגִינוֹת שָׁעַר יֹשְׁבֵי בִי יָשִׂיחוּ ע ֲנֵנִי ָחַס ְדֶּך בְּרָב א ֱלֹק ִים רָצוֹן עֵת 'ה ָלְך תְפ ִלָּתִי וַאֲנִי ,שֵׁכָר שׁוֹתֵי ָיִשְׁעֶך בֶּאֱמֶת, "They talk about me, those who sit in the gate, and they make melodies about me for those who imbibe strong drink. But, as for me, may my prayer to You, Hashem, be in an acceptable time. Hashem, with Your abundant kindness, answer me with the truth of Your salvation."
The Malbim explains, "When the people at the gate drink alcohol and they make songs of mockery about me, at this time, וַאֲנִי רָצוֹן עֵת 'ה ָלְך תְפ ִלָּתִי, it is an eis ratzon for my tefillos to be answered. בֶּאֱמֶת ע ֲנֵנִי ָחַס ְדֶּך בְּרָב א ֱלֹק ִים ָיִשְׁעֶך, answer my tefillos and bring me salvations.
We can add that generally the malachim are the מליצים for Bnei Yisrael, to speak in their favor. As it states מליץ מלאך עליו יש אם, "If he has a malach to speak in his favor..." However, when a person needs a great salvation, he needs that Hashem, Himself, to speak in his favor. This is arranged from Heaven. He will endure humiliation and shame, and then Hakadosh Baruch Hu will speak in his benefit and be his מליץ.
Someone came to Rebbe Shlomke of Zvhil zt'l and poured out his bitter soul before the rebbe. He was upset because someone had caused him a lot of suffering. As this man spoke to the rebbe, he said several curses on the person who was harming him. Rebbe Shlomke told him, "From your curses, I see that you believe in the strength of your words. You believe in their power. So, instead of cursing, why don't you bless yourself with a lot of parnassah, nachas, and anything else you desire? Your words will take effect, and you will leave your tzarah and come out of darkness into the light. Why use your mouth to curse when you can gain so much more?
Similarly, we say that when someone humiliates you, instead of answering back with harsh words of your own, why not accept the humiliation in silence and then bless yourself? If you will do so, you will earn brachos in Olam HaZeh and Olam HaBa.
Some advice on how to hold yourself back from answering when someone humiliates you is to remember that also the humiliation you received from others is destined from Above. In Sefer Yonah, it states (2:11) היבשה אל יונה את ויקא לדג 'ה ויאמר, "Hashem said to the fish, and it spewed Yonah onto the dry land." What does it mean that Hashem spoke with the fish? Should we interpret it as that the fish had nevuah, and heard Hashem's words?
The Radak explains אל שיקאנו רצונו את העיר היבשה, "Hashem gave the fish the desire to spit up Yonah onto dry land." Hashem didn't speak words with the fish, but sent the fish a desire to vomit and to throw up Yonah, which it did.
The fish threw up Yonah because it wanted to do so, but his desire came from Hashem, Himself. Hashem aroused the fish to have this desire. The same is with everything that occurs in the world. You might think that this person humiliated you, or that person upset you, etc., but everything is destined and from Heaven. Keeping this in mind, together with all the benefits you earn from being silent when humiliated, you will be able to control your words, and you will gain so much from it.
