The Value of Praise
They said to [Avraham], “Where is Sarah, your wife?” And he said, “Behold - in the tent!” (Genesis 18:9)
Rashi: “The angels knew where Sarah was but they nonetheless asked to make it known that she was modest in order to endear her to her husband.”
From all indications, one can reasonably postulate that Avraham and Sarah shared a wonderful and enriching marriage buoyed by a substantial degree of mutual respect and esteem. So far as we know, she was the most righteous woman on the planet and Avraham’s unswerving partner in his mission of bringing knowledge of G-d to the world. They had successfully navigated many decades of matrimonial harmony, notwithstanding many personal hardships, traumatic events, and upheaval. They had graduated the shalom bayit school of hard knocks with flying colors. They will remain the model Jewish home for eternity. Did the angels really need to “endear her to her husband” any further?
The lesson here is that we can, with relative ease, take on a new mission in life: to raise people’s esteem in the eyes of those whom they love. A teacher tells a parent what a delight it is to have her daughter in class. A parent mentions to a teacher how his child is so inspired by what she is learning in school. A shopkeeper mentions to a husband that his wife has such a pleasant disposition (and not just because she’s a liberal spender!). A guest mentions to his host, “Your wife’s potato kugel is really amazing.” The permutations are endless. And the payoff, in terms of bolstering relationships, ratcheting up endearment, enhancing one’s sense of self-worth, as well, is inestimable.
[Just to be clear, I am not advocating untruths, hyperbole, or flattery. If a person has two left thumbs, there is little to be gained in suggesting that he’s Mr. Fix-It around the house. If one has a terrible sense of direction, what’s the point of hailing him as the second coming of Magellan? The point is merely this: for the wise-hearted individual with a discerning eye and a sincere desire to elevate someone’s esteem in the eyes of others, opportunities abound.]
Along similar lines, one should not easily shirk opportunities to praise others directly (least of all his or her spouse). As the legendary Rebbetzin Kanievsky advised, “The words a wife uses to praise her husband are the most precious words she will say in her life. There is never a situation where one spouse gives another too much praise.”
This Shabbos, let us internalize the insightfulness of the angels’ remarks. Remarks that were deliberately (albeit subtly) crafted with the hopes that Avraham would hold his wife in even higher esteem.
RABBI ELIMELECH BIDERMAN
RABBI JARED VIDERS
