Question Four
My child keeps using the excuse that he “didn’t hear” whenever I ask him to do something. Is there a way to stop him from doing this, or to prove him wrong?
I think I’m safe in assuming that you already tried to prove your child wrong, and that it didn’t work. I’m not even sure how you could prove such a thing—and even if you can, that’s probably not the solution. If someone doesn’t want to see sense, whether because they’re in denial or are ashamed to admit the truth, then they won’t, regardless of the amount of evidence you provide.
Furthermore, if your approach is to “prove” that your child is a liar, it could end up being very counterproductive. Once a child thinks you see him as a liar, he may well start identifying as one and acting like one.
However, this doesn’t mean that you have to go along with his version of events. What you can say is something like, “I’m so sorry you didn’t hear. Please make sure to hear next time.” Of course this should be said calmly in a loving tone of voice, but it’s not the simple, “Okay, no problem” he may have been hoping for. You can even add, “I really like to hear you, so please make sure you hear me.” After all, your child probably knows very well that you know that he did hear. Responding this way is a gentle reminder that if he keeps up this behavior, it might have consequences that he won’t enjoy.
There’s also a way to avoid the issue, which is getting your child’s attention before making the request. You could even tell a joke and then follow up with whatever else you wanted to say. If you start with, “Yossele, can you hear me? Yes? Please tidy up your room now. Did you hear me?” and then wait for his reply, you’re not letting the situation arise in the first place. It shouldn’t take more than a few times of doing so for your child to realize that this “not hearing” thing isn’t working anymore.
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Hashem should help that we should all have the wisdom to build good relationships with all our children, hear each other, and have nachas.
