People think that they can take certain actions to impress others. The truth is, however, that you can’t do it! Chein is from Above! A good example is shidduchim. One person casts a shidduch away because it isn’t חן נושא by him while the second person grabs it because it is!
A Yid can do only one thing: Daven that אלוקים בעיני טוב ושכל חן ונמצא ואדם. And after davening for chein, he should go about his business, do what he needs to do. Go over to this person and ask for the favor or the money. If he acquiesces, you know that he is the right shaliach. And if not, then it will be through another conduit. Don’t go away from the Ribbono shel Olan in favor of people. Don’t invest in things that aren’t true hishtadlus.
The Root of the Error—Why We Don’t See the Problem
The truth is that it’s very difficult to recognize a mistake, even though it’s of such epic proportions. People don’t think that working to get money from a wealthy person is an example of bitachon in people. Many people reading this will raise their eyebrows and say, “Eh, he’s exaggerating....”
Why do people think that it’s acceptable to pursue money from gevirim and think that it’s part of hishtadlus?
The reason is that the person says, “Of course I trust in Hashem. I have nothing to do with this gevir! But we live in a world of nature, after all. Money isn’t going to fall from the Heavens. We need to create a conduit for the shefah.... I am simply creating the conduit... and since b’derech hatevah, if this gevir is in possession of money, and I am in need of money, then it’s natural for me to invest time in attempting to get money from him.”
Like Picking a Coin from the Floor?!
These people look at it as though there’s a coin sitting on the floor, and he must simply bend down to pick it up. Can’t I just bend down to pick up the money sitting before me?!
There was indeed a madreigah that tzaddikim lived with such that they wouldn’t even bend down to retrieve money from the ground. If it is bashert for it to come to me, they said, it will come without my bending down! Such a story happened with Rebbe Mendel of Rimanov. He saw a gold coin in the street, but he refused to bend down for it. A chassid passed by a short while later and saw the coin. He immediately said, “Such a beautiful coin is a fitting gift for the Rebbe!” And he promptly gave it to the tzaddik. It came to him after all.
But such a story is above our madreigah. On our level, we must do some hishtadlus—just as it was with the mann in the Midbar: the tzaddikim had it delivered to their door while the more ordinary people had to go out to retrieve it.
The problem is that some people view the act of asking others for money is just like retrieving money from the ground, and thus they don’t understand the issue of becoming overly invested in it.
The Difference
The clear difference is: When a person finds money on the ground, it was clearly sent there for him by the Ribbono shel Olam. If he was meant to see it, and he may halachically claim it for himself, then it is clearly is there for him.
When it comes to money that lies with another person, however, we don’t know that it is meant for us at all. Maybe your money is in another place altogether! Therefore, the moment you begin investing in ways to retrieve that money, you have departed from your trust in Hashem—because you think that you can take something that isn’t yours and make it yours through various tactics and means.
If You’re Working Hard, You’re in Trouble
The golden rule is that as long as the money is before you and you can access it without relying on others, then it is part of the order that Hashem ordained in the world. But if the money is in someone else’s possession, and you can’t simply take it without all kinds of effort, then you’re entering a dangerous zone—one that is fraught with possibly losing one’s reliance on Hashem.
Yes, if you approach the gevir, and he readily shares his money with you, then you know that it was meant for you. But if you must work hard to pull the money out, you’re practically saying, “The money may not be mine, but I will make sure it becomes mine.” You want something that isn’t yours... this only brings heartache and disappointment.
Remember: You Can’t Get Money That Isn’t Yours
As we have outlined above, this applies also when we’re raising money for tzedakah or for Torah institutions. We must reiterate that it is the zechus of others to give money for this cause. We must constantly reiterate: Whoever will have the zechus will give; whoever doesn’t give evidently doesn’t have the zechus.
When we live this way, we don’t do excessive hishtadlus to obtain money from people, because we know with clarity that we can’t get money that isn’t meant for us. And if we try to get money that isn’t meant for us, then we’re trusting in humans, which brings with it curses, heartache, and distance from Hashem, R”l.
