The good news is that they are cute and little. The bad news is that you’re going to have to grow up. The parenting books don’t tell you how to do that. But don’t sweat it. Here’s everything they left out, in a few simple points:
Feed Thyself
Always carry a snack. Not for the kids—for yourself. Hungry parents make lousy parents. One piece of kosher chocolate can do wonders for your parenting skills.
Grow Up
To be a parent, you need to become an adult. Who will teach you to be an adult? Your parents failed. Your teachers failed. Your manager failed. But your child can do it. Your child, after all, made you a parent—just by being born. Pay real close attention, and you’ll hear how she’s trying to make you into an adult as well. As Rabbi Chanina confessed, “Most of what I know, I got from my students.”
Same with your kid—but much, much more.
Meditate
When the kids are bouncing off the walls, sit still and do nothing. Close your eyes, calm down and relax. Open your eyes, and all the kids have calmed down as well. Okay, maybe they haven’t. But you’ll be in better condition to deal with the situation. Works better than chocolate (which you can now save for your grumpy hunger attack, later).
Where did I get this from? None other than the Baal Shem Tov. Kids, he taught, are tuned into your thoughts. If you’re having problems with your kids, fix up your thoughts.
Be There for Them
When the teacher calls to complain that your kid is doing lousy and needs help with homework, take the kid out and play catch. He has enough enemies already. He needs a friend. And when the principal calls you with that “I know you really don’t want to hear this” voice, explain that we’re both on the same side — the side of your kid. You are your child’s only advocate in the world.
Think of Jacob, father of the Jews, who called his sons his brothers. I’m sure they treated him like a king, but he thought of them as brothers — because he was there at their side to help them. And so, they were at his side, at his time of need, to help him.
Listen
Good parents talk a lot to their kids. Great parents mostly listen. Especially to the ones that don’t say anything. They need the most listening to.
Modeling
Everything you disliked about your parents, you ended up imitating. Guaranteed, the same will happen with your kids. It’s an instinct. Maybe they’re not imitating you now, but in ten years, twenty years — at some point they will, whether they like it or not.
So keep doing the good stuff, even when they don’t like it. And whatever you don’t want your child to do, don’t do it yourself. Want your kids to speak politely? Speak politely to them. Don’t want them to yell? Don’t yell at them. Want them to be good Jews? Do Jewish things.
Whatever it is — imagine what you want them to be, and act that way yourself. And if you fail, admit your failure and make amends. They’ll imitate that too.
Chabad.org
