Close your eyes. Tighter. Focus, erase all thoughts. Now say three times, with great intent: “There is no I! There is no I! There is no I!” Now open your eyes, and... congratulations, you’ve lost your ego! Very soon you will see that life without an ego is much happier and less stressful, and you will be sent an invoice including a double gift: a T-shirt with the inscription “I am enlightened!”, and a lapel pin saying “Lose your ego now, ask me how.”
Sorry, what did you say? Oh, you haven’t lost your ego yet? It’s still...? I see. Well, sometimes such accidents happen, you probably weren’t focused enough. No worries. Let’s start from the beginning (don’t worry, your credit card will be charged automatically): Close your eyes. Tighter...
Nullifying the ego is a tricky matter. It begins with a significant insight: that our self-centered, competitive, self-aggrandizing “I” is the source of all our negative traits and consequently, it is the hidden reason for our sadness and suffering. Following this insight, there arises a desire to eliminate the ego, to merge with something greater and higher; but the more one tries, the more complicated it gets, and often it feels like the very attempt only distances us from our goal, as ironically, all attempt to get rid of the ego are themselves centered around the ego.
According to Chasidut, the nullification of the self (bitul atzmi) is indeed a high and important level (although, as we will soon see, it is defined somewhat differently from what most people are familiar with). But Chasidut recognizes that there is an inherent trap in trying to achieve it directly. For this reason, an intermediate, more realistic and accessible stage is presented on the way to nullification. It is called lowliness (shiflut), and its essence is not the nullification of the ego but its lowering—acquiring the experience of being small and distant from our Creator. Lowliness is the state experienced when the ego is used in the right way and with it, one can eventually reach, with God’s help, a state of true selflessness.
How do you say “ego” in Hebrew?
But let’s take a step back and start from the beginning. To properly understand a topic from a Jewish perspective, we must first zero in on its precise Hebrew word. The word “ego” is Latin for “I,” and it is not directly related to the Hebrew language although it does strongly resemble the Hebrew word for “pride” (גאוה) and when written with the definite article, האגו, it is literally a permutation of “pride.”
Chasidut uses another term to refer to an inflated sense of self: yeshut (ישות). Yeshut derives from the word yesh, meaning “there is” or “existence,” and connotes the experience of being “a thing unto itself” (יש ודבר נפרד)—a feeling that we are a distinct, independent, and self-sufficient being.
In Chasidic terminology, therefore, nullifying the ego is really the same as nullifying yeshut. What is the opposite of yeshut? It is called “non-being” or ayin: the experience (or rather, absence of experience) that we are not an independent entity onto ourselves, but rather part of God, nullified to Him. Beautifully, the Hebrew word ayin (אַ יִן ) is made up of the same letters as “I,” (ani, אני), but in the right order. This suggests that the ultimate rectification of the self is a state of non-being or nothingness. The one who embodies self-nullification more than anyone according to Chasidut was Moses, who completely dedicated himself to his mission to lead the people of Israel, negating his personal will and not taking any credit for all his great achievements—freeing the Israelites from Egypt, parting the Red Sea, bringing the Torah down, the construction of the Tabernacle, etc.
Self-nullification, it is important to explain, does not mean the elimination of our personality. It is not about erasing who we are. What happens in nullification is that our consciousness is diverted from focusing on ourselves and instead focuses on God, until we essentially “lose” ourselves in Him. As an example, Moses did not take credit for all his successful accomplishments but attributed them all to God. In fact, not only does self-nullification not erase our individual and unique sense of self, but it allows it to be expressed more clearly: As we cease to deal with ourselves directly, so our personality sheds the cumbersome garb of our self-image and is able to express itself more freely. By freeing ourselves from the need to focus on our reputation, so to speak, we free our energy to focus on doing more.
The Pitfalls of Nullification
Although there are various degrees and stages in the nullification of the ego, it represents a very high level that an ordinary person cannot reach directly by his own efforts. Who can be like Moses?
Moreover, the path to nullification is fraught with pitfalls that prevent its achievement. One trap is the crushing disappointment following repeated failures to nullify the ego, which can lead to depression and even self-hatred. It’s no wonder: if we set ourselves an impossible goal and convince ourselves that without achieving it, we are flawed egotists, we end up hating ourselves when we fail (there’s certainly room for regret concerning our ego’s stubbornness, but to hate ourselves because of its mere existence is unjust and destructive).
A second trap, stemming from the first, is the conclusion that it’s impossible to nullify the ego and therefore pointless to try. This conclusion reinforces the belief that we must fully accept the ego as it is and instead invest in pampering, loving, and justifying it. The ultimate result is an empowerment of the ego instead of its nullification.
Lastly, there’s the worst trap of all: falling into the illusion that we have already nullified the ego. Striving toward nullification creates a strong expectation for it to be realized, which in turn presents a tremendous temptation to interpret various achievements and experiences, as well as compliments we receive, as signs that—“Hey, look, at me: No ego.” Falling into this sweet illusion is, of course, the very thing that inflates the ego the most...
Because of all these reasons, Chasidut delineates a prior goal for spiritual rectification, which is related to nullification but saves us from the pitfalls listed: lowliness, which is how we started our present journey into the ego.
So, what is the difference between nullification and lowliness?
First, in a state of lowliness, we do have an ego. It’s there, we feel it, and there’s no pretense of having gotten rid of it, or easily being able to do so. But the ego is in a diminished state. The experience of lowliness, as its name suggests, is that of being in a lower place compared to something higher. What is this higher place compared to which we feel low? Well, lowliness is the recognition that we have a Divine soul entrusted to us by God, that it was given to us for a lofty reason, that we have an exalted purpose to fulfill—and how very far we are from achieving all this! In other words, lowliness is the acknowledgment of just how much we have not nullified ourselves.
Secondly, lowliness is not the opposite of egocentric yeshut. It is not a state of nothingness or of non-being. Rather, it is the opposite of pride, namely arrogance and self-exaltation. It is the feeling that we are low compared to something above us. In fact, the Hebrew root of lowliness (שפל ) and the Hebrew word for pride (גאות ) also mean “low tide” and “high tide,” respectively. Amazingly, they have the same numerical value, suggesting they are proportionate to one another—the more prideful we are, the lowlier we need to be in order to rectify ourselves. The more we feel the swell of pride rising in us, the more we need to counteract it with lowliness, by reminding ourselves that our accomplishments are really not ours but that our failures certainly are.
Lowliness acknowledges that in relation to God’s infinite nature, we are always infinitely distant, and therefore no matter how much we have done, achieved, or accumulated, we are always on the same level with everyone else and have no right to aggrandize ourselves.
Just as self-nullification is embodied by Moses, so to lowliness is embodied by another major Biblical figure: King David. David was perhaps the greatest warrior in the Bible, the one who conquered Jerusalem and established his throne there, and of whom songs of praise were written even before he was thirty. Yet all this did not stop him from feeling that he was no nobler than the simplest servants and maids, and during the transport of the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem, he “leaped and danced” with them as a man of the people. When his wife Michal, the daughter of King Saul, reproached him for this, his response was, “I am even more undignified than this, and am lowly in my own eyes.”
Although the term “lowly” in this positive sense is mentioned a few times in the Bible, this is the only instance where someone is specifically called by this title. Therefore, David is a symbol of lowliness.
The term “lowliness” may sound negative. Indeed, there is a type of negative lowliness, expressed in depression, self-hatred, and guilt complexes. But this lowliness is in fact pride in disguise: It stems from living in the shadow of an inflated self-image, and then not being able to tolerate ourselves when we do not meet the perfect ideal it demands of us. Our pride generates false lowliness in order to extract compliments from people around us, or to serve as an excuse to fall into depression when we fail to achieve our goals.
True lowliness is not about living under the illusion that we are perfect, but rather the exact opposite: a lucid experience of our imperfection. Naturally, one who is truly lowly does not fall into despair when he discovers he falls short of perfection; he never expected to be perfect in the first place. This relates also to the trap we discussed earlier regarding self-nullification and the disappointment from discovering we still have an ego. Unlike those striving for nullification, those striving for lowliness are immune to this disappointment, since they never claimed to lose their ego. At worst, they merely discover that they are not lowly enough—and this realization only strengthens their lowliness!
Another difference between negative and positive lowliness is that, while false lowliness is accompanied by a feeling that God is disappointed in us or even hates us, true lowliness goes hand in hand with the feeling that He loves us and is present with us here and now in our true state. In other words, when true lowliness is present, we are acutely aware of God’s compassion for us, of His faith in us. This is not a condescending type of compassion, but a kind and embracing one, like that of a father who loves his son as he is and keeps giving him more and more opportunities.
True, God always expects us to be better than we are and to correct our shortcomings, but on the other hand, He does not love lies or deception, including self-deception. Therefore, every time we honestly admit our true lowliness, He welcomes us with pleasure.
Lowliness and Joy
From all this, it emerges that although there is an element of sorrow that accompanies lowliness, there is a much stronger element of joy—joy in our liberation from the burden of an inflated self-image. In acknowledging that we are lowly and a far cry from fulfilling our purpose in life, we attain a lightness of being and a freedom of will pushing us to strive for more. It allows us to be happy with our lot (since we do not feel entitled to anything more), and to feel that everything is still ahead of us. When you’re at the bottom, you can only go higher.
Indeed, when we are in a state of lowliness, we do not only rejoice in our own lot, but also in God. One who is lowly in spirit knows that everything he has in life is a gift of grace from God. For this reason, he is filled with gratitude and constant joy, as he feels that despite his distance from God, God is close to him and enriches him with His kindness. This sentiment is expressed in the verse, “And the humble shall increase joy in the God....” The joy of the humble—i.e. the lowly of spirit—is in God, He is the object of their joy. (Another interpretation of the verse is that the humble also add joy to God Himself, who enjoys seeing them open their hearts to Him).
One who lowers himself in the positive sense we have discussed and progressively diminishes his ego in his own eyes, may one day, without even realizing it, also truly transcend his ego.
