In this week’s parshah, Yaakov Avinu makes his way to Charan and stops for the night. While asleep he dreams of malachim ascending and descending a ladder. When he wakes up, he says in wonder, “Hashem is in this place, and I did not know.”
Commenting on these words, the Chemdas Dovid ztz”l, a talmid of the Kotzker Rebbe ztz”l, stresses the importance of each person making a cheshbon hanefesh — but only in the right way. We must review our actions each day, recognize where we went wrong and resolve to fix things. However, we must also constantly be on guard against becoming depressed at all the slips and falls. The focus should be on picking ourselves up again and believing that we will do better next time, with effort and determination.
The Chemdas Dovid adds that we shouldn’t be deterred even if we don’t feel good about our avodas Hashem, because in a world of sheker we shouldn’t expect to feel wonderful even when we do the right thing. We must not feel discouraged and falsely assume that something’s wrong even when we analyze our behavior and don’t find an issue. In any situation, we should just keep going and doing our best.
Feeling depressed about where we’ve gone wrong is a problem not just for the individual, but also for all those around them. People often mistakenly believe that their bad moods are their own business and fail to recognize the impact they have on others, especially those closest and dearest to them. If one spouse is moody, whether depressed or frustrated, the other spouse suffers a great deal as a result.
But if you’re the one living with a spouse who’s depressed due to circumstance and situation, try to be understanding. Recognize that we all have our challenges and that the main thing is looking forward with determination not to fail again. It’s only natural to be upset at seeing someone close (a spouse, a child, or a parent) failing, but it’s a mistake to take it as a personal affront. We all slip and we all need a helping hand to get up again, along with a smile of encouragement and someone whispering into our ear, “I believe in you.”
