The parsha begins with Yaakov Avinu traveling toward Charan, leaving behind the holiness of his parents’ home, and stepping into the unknown. Chazal reveal that he did not go straight there—he first stopped to learn in the yeshivah of Shem v’Eiver. But even more, the Midrash uncovers a profound spiritual test Yaakov faced specifically regarding finding a wife.
Chazal connect this moment with Kapitel 121, “Shir LaMa’alos, Esa Einai...” The Rama MiPano explains that this is the segulah to say when seeking one’s zivug. Why? Because this very chapter is woven into the Midrash of our parsha, tied directly to Yaakov’s quest to build his home.
The Midrash continues with the well-known story of Rabbi Yosi bar Chalafta and the Roman noblewoman who asked him:
“What has Hashem been doing since Creation?”
He answered: “Making shidduchim.”
She mocked the idea. “That’s difficult? I can do that myself!”—and paired a thousand men with a thousand women. By the next morning, there was chaos: broken bones and black eyes. The noblewoman conceded—there is indeed a Creator Who runs the world.
Rav Geli zt”l asked: What exactly changed for the noblewoman? What did she suddenly understand? And similarly, what changed for Yaakov Avinu? He said, “Esa einai el heharim”—I lift my eyes— but then immediately asks, “Me’ayin yavo ezri?” Chazal add his deeper words: “Ma ana me’abed sevri mi Borei?”— “I will not lose my trust in my Creator.” Rather, “Ezri me’im Hashem”—my help comes from Hashem alone.
What shifted in Yaakov’s mind, and what is the message for us?
The Answer: Shidduchim reveal our true lack of control.
If we are honest, in almost all areas of life, we human beings still believe—deep down—that we can run things. We plan, we calculate, we strategize. And often, it works.
But shidduchim are the one area where even the strongest human illusions collapse. You can have the best suggestions, the most compatible profiles, the greatest conversations— and somehow it doesn’t click. Or you can have a shidduch that seems impossible—and suddenly everything falls perfectly into place.
Shidduchim teach a person something much deeper than emunah. They teach bitul—surrender of the ego, humility before the Ribbono Shel Olam, a recognition that building a bayis ne’eman is not a human project—it is a Divine masterpiece.
This is what the noblewoman saw. Not that Hashem can make shidduchim, but that humans fundamentally cannot.
This is what Yaakov understood when he said, “Me’ayin yavo ezri?” From where will my help come? From nowhere—nowhere except Hashem.
And we saw this clearly with the shidduchim of Yaakov, Yosef, and Tamar. Every step revealed the hand of Hashem, every moment showed how little human beings truly control, and how beautifully Hashem guides the lives of His children.
And that is the gift: the knowledge, the clarity, the emunah, and the deeper bitachon that grows from the shidduch process.
A Bracha
May this shidduch be a kiddush Hashem, an everlasting source of light, health, happiness, and inspiration for many generations to come. May the home built from this union be like the home of Yaakov Avinu—filled with the recognition that “Ezri me’im Hashem,” and guided always by the loving Hand of the One Who continues—every moment—to make shidduchim.
RABBI DANIEL COREN
