Jim got up bright and early one Sunday and headed to the local river. He fished all day long but didn't catch a thing. On the way home, he stopped at the fish market.
"I want to buy the three biggest fish you've got," he said to the owner.
The owner starts to bag up his order when Jim says, "No need for that, just throw them at me."
"Why would I do that?" the owner asked.
"So I can tell my wife that I caught three fish today!"
A man had had a few too many to drink and decided to go ice fishing. He grabbed his gear, stepped out onto the ice, and started to cut a hole when he heard a booming voice shout:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The man jumped up and looked around, but he didn't see anyone. He carried on cutting into the ice, and again, the voice boomed:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Still nobody. Was he going crazy? The man stumbled to a new spot and started drilling another hole, when the voice shouted for a third time:
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The man looked up into the blinding light and said, "Is that you, Hashem?"
The voice answered, "NO, YOU IDIOT. IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!"
