Let us recall the episode of Jacob’s hasty departure from Laban. Prior to fleeing with Jacob, Rachel had stolen her father’s “terafim” (idols). Upon learning of their disappearance, Laban chased Jacob and accused him of stealing his gods. Jacob reacts angrily, and responds:
But anyone with whom you find your gods shall not remain alive! In the presence of our kinsmen, point out what I have of yours and take it.” Jacob, of course, did not know that Rachel had stolen them.
Rashi quotes the Midrash that this curse caused Rachel to die in childbirth. This is why the Torah emphasizes that “Jacob was unaware that Rachel had stolen the idols,” suggesting that he would not have uttered such a curse had he known that Rachel stole them.
Now, sometime later, in our parshah, Rachel is about to breathe her last. She and Jacob loved each other deeply, and it is time to bid farewell. Not a word is spoken between them.
This is strange. The death of Rachel is contained in five verses, containing fifty-eight words. The narrative is conveyed almost without any direct speech (other than the reassurance of the midwife, in verse 17). A great silence envelopes this episode. The text refrains from describing Jacob's emotional response to the death of his beloved wife either indirectly (through a description of his actions) or directly (by quoting his words or prayers directly).
They do say one thing: they argue about a name. What was this about?
Husband and Wife Think of Each Other
Imagine what Jacob was feeling when he realized that he cursed his wife to die not knowing that she was the one who stole the gods of her father? How would any husband feel? Never mind Jacob who loved Rachel with every fiber of his being, and watched his last son being born as his mother was perishing?
How did Jacob feel about himself at that moment? How did Rachel feel?
Husband and wife must have endured a tremendous rush of emotions as they looked into each other's eyes knowing that Jacob’s curse was coming true. Imagine the tremendous guilt that Jacob must have felt, knowing that he condemned the most beloved of his wives to premature death due to a single curse. How tragic!
Rachel peered into his eyes, and, knowing what her husband is going through, names the baby Ben Oni, which can be translated as “the son of my deception.” Rachel was saying: It was my fault. I was the one who acted inappropriately. I deceived my father—not you.
To which Jacob responded: Bin Yamin, which can be translated “the son of an oath.” (Yamin means an oath since traditionally we lift the right hand (yad yamin) during an oath). Jacob was saying: “The critical condition caused by the birth of this son is the result of my oath to Laban that the one who stole his idols shall not live. It was my oath that led to this tragedy.”
As they said goodbye to each other, Rachel was ensuring that Jacob does not live for the remainder of his life with guilt; Jacob was ensuring that Rachel does not blame herself for her death. It was his fault, not hers.
There is no outburst of emotion displayed in this story. Because even deeper than Jacob emoting as a result of his own pain, the Torah described his last words to his wife, trying to make her feel at ease. And the last words of Rachel, trying to make Jacob feel better.
At those moments, each of them was thinking of the other.
Rabbi YY Jacobson
