In this week's Parsha, we encounter a fascinating episode that teaches us about the possible repercussions of the way we speak to others.
When Lavan caught up with Yaakov Avinu and his family after they fled from Lavan, Lavan accused Yaakov of stealing his Teraphim (household idols). Yaakov, unaware that Rachel, his wife, had taken them, responds with conviction: “With whomever you find your gods, that person will not live.” (Bereishis 31:32) The She’airis Yaakov explains that Yaakov meant to say, “Whoever places his belief with your gods – that person will not live.” He was not careful, however, in how he expressed himself and he inadvertently emitted a curse against anyone that took the Teraphim.
Rashi brings our attention to a profound consequence of these words. He cites the Midrash Rabbah in Bereishis which teaches that although Yaakov spoke without the knowledge that Rachel had stolen the Teraphim (and of course would not have said what he said, had he had known) his words, nevertheless had an impact, and his inadvertent curse contributed to Rachel's untimely death on the journey to Efrat.
Another point to note, is that despite Yaakov’s inadvertent utterance of a curse, it still may not have come to pass if he would have expressed himself less definitively. Perhaps he could have said, “With whomever you find your gods, that person may not live” as opposed to, “will not live.”
It is important to realize that even when we believe we are speaking sincerely, in support of what is good and just, we must be careful about speaking too definitively about it without complete knowledge of the situation. The old adage of, “You just never really know...” comes to mind. As an example, perhaps Yaakov could have considered that someone with good intentions stole the Teraphim to separate Lavan from the evil practice of idol worship. Therefore, he should have hedged his words just in case.
The Gemorah in Makkos 11a teaches us, “Bris Kerusa L'Sfasayim” - there is a covenant made with the lips. This means that the words that we utter have real power. Yaakov's experience shows us that even when we speak with conviction and believe strongly in something, we never really know for sure, and we must maintain humility about the limits of our knowledge.
This teaches us three important lessons about proper speech:
- First, even when we honestly believe that we are speaking truthfully, there are limits to our knowledge. Sometimes the most honest statement is, “I think this is true, but I cannot be certain.”
- Second, that our words, even when spoken with honest intention, carry power and responsibility. We must weigh them carefully, considering their potential impact.
- And finally, that true honesty requires humility. We must be honest not only in our categorical declarations but in our acknowledgment of what we do not or cannot know with certainty.
As we navigate our own lives, at home or at work, we should make a special effort to speak truth with both conviction and humility, always mindful of the power of our words and the responsibility they carry.
May we be blessed to embody integrity and to speak honestly in its fullest sense - not just avoiding falsehood, but pursuing truth with wisdom, humility, and awareness of the profound impact our words can have.
