Now, when we speak about the toil of a mother and father—working in the house with the children, taking care of the home, working outside the home in the office or the factory, whatever it is—we have to take some time in order to appreciate that subject properly. Because even something as great as the accomplishment of raising a family, of toiling in order to build the nation of Hashem, if it’s missing a certain ingredient then to a great extent all of that work is for naught.
We have to read the words of the Chovos Halevavos to understand what we’re going to talk about now. It’s at the end of Shaar Yichud Hamaaseh and he says there, “You should attempt with all your strength, to make your deeds pure.” It means l’shem Shamayim. Whatever you do, you should do it for the purpose of serving Hashem and doing His will.
Otherwise you’ll toil in all your labors for nothing. Larik! Because if a person doesn't have intention in whatever he does for the purpose of serving Hashem then his work, his deeds, are thrown out and wasted. And that’s one of the great tragedies of life—to come to the Next World and to find out that so much of your hard work was for nothing.
Prisoner With a Purpose
Now, I once told the story here of a man who was a prisoner and he was very bored—all day sitting in his cell doing nothing. And so finally he told the jailer, “I’m going out of my mind. I’m going to die of boredom. Please give me something useful to do.”
And so they installed a wheel in his cell with wires that ran under the cell door, and they told him that he should get busy turning this wheel. “You turn the wheel like this,” they showed him, “and it produces power for a plant down on the other side of the prison that makes stockings—it causes power to make a stocking machine work.”
Oh! He had a purpose in life now; he wasn't wasting his days. He didn't wear the stockings himself, but at least he was doing something useful—because of him, stockings were being brought into the world. Feet were being warmed! And so he got busy turning the wheel. Sometimes he even got up early in the morning to work extra, or he remained at the wheel later at night. He took away from his sleep because it made him happy.
That’s what the Gemara says in one place. Gedolah melachah – Work is a great thing. Now, when the Gemara says Gedolah it doesn't mean it's a ‘good’ thing. It means it's a very good thing. Gedolah melachah! That's how to say it. How great is work! And why? Because it honors you. You're transformed when you work. Here's a man at work. He doesn't have a grin on his face. He's not acting silly. He's not talking foolish things. Work brings out the best of his character. He's serious. He's intent. He's intelligent. He's businesslike. He’s responsible. He doesn't want to fool around. Work makes something out of a person because you know that you’re doing, building, accomplishing.
Spinning Your Wheel
And so we’ll come back now to the end of the story, of the prisoner who was finally accomplishing something with his life. He's been turning the wheel now for thirty years. And despite the prison pallor, he has a little bit of redness in his cheeks. He has some optimism. He’s more healthy in his body and his mind because he feels he's living for a purpose. Every day, he dutifully turns that wheel and he's happy.
Finally, one day he becomes curious to see what’s doing in that factory, what the results are. So he asks the guard if he could take him to the other side of the prison to see the stockings factory. But the guard is too lazy; he won’t take him. So he saves up from his food every day until he has a sizable stockpile; he denies himself food for a long time, and then he bribes the guard to take him.
So the guard takes him out of his cell and they follow the wire down the hallway to the door that leads out into the yard. And when the guard opens the door the prisoner sees that the wheel is connected to nothing at all. It's just a wheel that connects to nothing. And the man collapses. His life was wasted.
Don’t Spin Your Wheels
Now, we have to know that this doesn't apply only to him. It applies to others too. It applies to most of mankind. Their lives are wasted. Certainly, gedolah melachah; certainly, the work that a person does rescues him from boredom. It preserves his sanity. There's no question that a busy mother and a busy father have no time to be depressed, to fall prey to all kinds of illnesses, including depression. They have less time for these things.
And so, absolutely, the mother working at home and the father working in the factory benefit even if they don’t activate their minds. However, despite all the blessings bestowed by being busy with raising a family, if it's not done l’shem Shamayim then it's thrown out. A great tragedy! A life spent in vain! They're working hard making a living, and also raising children. But it's a great pity on them because it could be that all of their work, as much as it was a benefit to them in this world, they might chas v’shalom find out one day that the wheel they were turning wasn’t attached to anything—it wasn’t connected to the Next World.
Building With Purpose
Because what did our great ancestors do? They built with the intention of building up the house of Yisroel. Together with Yaakov, they were building a nation. And they kept that in mind always. When Yaakov Avinu was tending the sheep of Lavan, he was thinking about that. When Rochel and Leah were changing the diapers on the children, they were thinking. They had no other thought in mind but to raise up a nation that would live according to all the ideals that Avraham and Yitzchok had spent their lives working on.
Of course Hashem will reward everybody. He won’t deny the rewards of anybody. Any frum man and woman raising a frum family are already successful. But you have lost most of the benefit if you didn’t have the intention l’shem Shamayim—if the wheel wasn’t connected to anything.
Background Noise
Now, we’re only human beings and we can’t be perfect in this, but it’s important that it should always be a thought flittering in our minds that I’m doing all this to raise up a nation of Hashem. Always it should be in the background. And whenever possible, to bring it to the forefront of our thoughts—that’s how you prop up the background noise.
So here’s a man on the subway, he’s going into Manhattan to work. It’s Monday; another long week in the office ahead of him. So while he’s holding onto the strap, he should think for one minute. “I’m like Yaakov Avinu. I’m laboring for the greatest purpose in the world, to build the Beis Yisroel.”
While you're in your factory or your shop and you’re turning the wheel or pressing buttons on the computer, whatever it is, you're thinking about your children. You want to support them. They should be bnei Torah and your daughters should marry ovdei Hashem who want generations to come out of them. As you’re dealing with a customer, you’re thinking, “I’m doing this to raise up a family of servants of Hashem.”
And when a mother is serving supper, if she can keep in mind, “I am feeding the future servants of Hashem,” that’s called living! She's toiling over the gas range and over the washing machine and she’s toiling, not like an Irish woman or Italian woman. She’s toiling in eternity.
Late Night Greatness
Now that's an important principle because it is heavy labor. Tzaar gidul banim means that you'll suffer from raising children. When the children are up in the middle of the night and she can't sleep, it’s laborious. It doesn't mean the husband shouldn't help out, but sometimes he can't. He's so drugged by overworking that he can't get up out of his bed. He has his own labor in the factory and he's dead tired. So she drags herself out of bed to take care of the child or the children. And when she finally falls asleep, he drags himself out of bed—it’s still dark outside—to go to the beis medrash to a shiur before davenen.
It’s not easy. Great things never come easy. Ask a man who built a skyscraper if it came easy. And that’s what a mother and father are doing. They’re building better than skyscrapers—they’re building the Beis Yisroel!
That was the forte of Yaakov Avinu. That was his great achievement—the Am Yisroel. Of course, he was great in everything else. He inherited all the philosophy, all the Torah, all the wisdom that Avraham and Yitzchok developed. He was great in avodas Hashem and great in emunah and great in bitachon and great in middos tovos and great in gemilus chassadim. But his chief achievement in the world was the tzaar gidul banim. The children, that's the justification for everything. That's the great contribution that he made in the service of Hashem.
A Source of Pride
It's worth living for that purpose alone. Just to raise Jewish children. A tremendous zechus! A mother and father who are busy raising children should know that they’re living in a form of avodas Hashem even better than a rosh yeshivah. They’re making the bnei Torah. They’re producing them and feeding them and raising them up.
And that’s why the woman with a family can face the roshei yeshivah without any embarrassment. “You learned Shas, and I raised a family. You said chiddushim, and I washed diapers. I served Hashem and you served Hashem.” And the man laboring in the office all day, same thing. “You raised up talmidim and I raised up a nation. When I was working in the factory, I was building the Beis Yisroel.”
And that’s why we’re not called Yitzchokim and we’re not called Avrahams—we’re called Yisroel! That’s Yaakov Avinu’s name because he’s the one who worked for us. He made us!
And we walk in his footsteps and acquire greatness just like he did. And it’s a greatness that becomes especially incalculable, because we’re partnering with Hashem. Hashem wants to perpetuate the Am Yisroel, and those who are assisting Him are chosen as His especial servants. They can look in the faces of the roshei yeshivah, Avraham and Yitzchak, without any shame. They can face the Next World with the full confidence of knowing that they lived successful lives walking in the ways of our Avos and Imahos.
Have a Wonderful Shabbos
