By Rabbi Yosef Y. Jacobson
THREE MATCHES
The Midrash relates that three of the greatest men of the Jewish faith encountered their future wives at wells of water: Isaac, Jacob and Moses.
Now, we could understand the site of a stream or a river as being uniquely conducive for romance. But what was it about underground wells that brought about the union of our original fathers and mothers?
THE PATH TO MARRIAGE
Like all of the stories in the Torah, this one, too, contains psychological and spiritual symbolism that may assist us in our own efforts to find a spouse and maintain a meaningful relationship with that person.
A well, unlike other pools of water, contains opposite components. On one hand, the well is of no value without human effort and toil. Unlike the readily exposed rain or ocean water, we must dig hard, and sometimes deep, to uncover the spring of water hidden below the crust of the earth.
On the other hand, we human beings do not create the flow of water of the well; our efforts merely expose that which already exists fully, prior to our labor.
This is the Torah approach to marriage as well. In the words of the Zohar, “A wife and her husband are two halves of the same soul.” Each of our matches, just like a well, is made in heaven. The connection is there beforehand; the flow of water-energy from your soul to your future spouse’s soul is already in existence. It may however be completely concealed and the human job is to search, dig and expose that inner source of water.
WHEN CONFLICT EMERGES
And just as we cannot create a well, we can neither destroy it. We can stuff it, obstruct it or divert its flow, but we cannot annihilate it. When you experience a conflict with your spouse, do not conclude that the relationship is dead.
The bond between a wife and husband is an inherent condition, not an acquired one. It is sown into the very fabric of both of their souls. Your relationship is not subject to destruction.
Yet this may lay buried beneath lots of sand and gravel, and each of us needs to be committed to take a shovel in our hands and bring to the surface the inner wellspring of love that bond us to our partner in life.
Our fathers encountered their wives by wells to teach us that the relationship between spouses is etched into our very souls. Our labor is only to expose and enhance a preexisting bond and oneness.
HARD WORK
The marriages of Isaac, Jacob and Moses came about particularly through much sweat and toil. Jacob, as this week’s portion tells the story, labored 14 years for Rachel.
The well symbolized their own attitude towards finding a spouse: The relationship, just like a well, is a preexisting reality. But since it is hidden beneath the surface of the earth, each person must dig in order to expose and maintain the inherent relationship between the husband and the wife.
