ויפגע במקום וילן שם כי בא השמש ויקח מאבני המקום וישם מראשתיו וישכב במקום ההוא
He took from the stones of the place, which he arranged around his head. (28:11)
In the Medrash, Chazal render this pasuk to mean that Yaakov Avinu took several stones, which began "quarrelling," each one vying for the tzaddik to rest his head on it. "Alai yaniach tzaddik es rosho," "Upon me shall this tzaddik rest his head." Noticing this argument, HaShem combined them all into one stone upon which Yaakov would rest. Horav Zaidel Epstein, derives a profound lesson from here. Jewish tradition disapproves of machlokes, conflict, regardless of its goal, even if the dispute is about upon which stone the tzaddik should rest his head. As long as the "alai", "me", is the initial focus, if the goal is that it should be "me" and not the other person, it is wrong. Whenever a disagreement divides two people - regardless of the reason - HaShem will not condone it.
What did HaShem do? He transformed all of the stones into one stone. Once they became one equal unit, there was no longer any room for the "alai," me.
How did this remove the disagreement? Even though Yaakov would rest his head on one specific part of the stone, all had an equal share throughout the one unified stone. The only way one can protect himself from the tragic effect of machlokes is through harmony, in which the individual feels that he and his friend are one. He must share with him in life's happy and sad moments, celebrating his joy and lamenting his sorrow, as if they were his own. Unity is the only antidote for discord.
Interestingly this Medrash is brought in Halacha in two places:
O.C. 42 Mogan Avrohom states that the strap of hand’s Tefillin are made into a Yud at the top of the strap, and use the other end to wrap around the hand. Since the Yud is higher in holiness, one is not allowed to turn the strap around. אין מורדין מקדושה חמורה לקדושה קלה
However, Eliyahu Rabbah in the name of his grandfather permits the change in the strap of the hand’s Tefillin. This is not considered lowering a higher level of holiness to a lower level, since the strap is considered one complete item (without a lower and higher portion). As a support to this concept, he brings the above Medrash that once the stones became one complete stone, it no longer mattered which section the Tzadik placed his head since now one stone, jealousy no longer existed.
In response, Shaarei Teshuvah writes that this is not a proper support, since the Medrash is relating a miracle. And we cannot rely on a miracle that combined all the elements into one, which is not the same as people or materials.
O.C. 555, the halachos of Tisha b’Av, the Rema writes that Yaacov took the stones and placed them around his head, because he envisioned the future destruction of the Beis HaMikdash. Therefore, a custom has evolved that the Jews on Tisha b’Av night to place a stone under their head as a remembrance of the event involving Yaacov.
“And he took from the stones of that location” - Why didn't Yaakov have a pillow? Medrash Habiur says that he did not use a pillow because coddling oneself brings to forgetting Torah knowledge.
“And he took from the stones of the place” - Chizkuni writes that he took from the stones that were once the altar upon which Yitzchak was offered.
"Bamokome, hamokome, bamokome" - Our verse mentions "the place" 3 times. Perhaps, it alludes to the 3 Batei Mikdash that will stand on this location.
Chatzi Menasheh relates that when the walls around the Bais haMikdash were being built in the days of King Shlomo, this stone was lifted into a row of stones and would inexplicably fall out of place time and again. This was because it did not want to become part of a structure that would later be destroyed. It would then be discarded (“Evven ma’asu ha banim”). King Shlomo was appraised of this unusual phenomenon and swore to the stone that even if ch”v every other stone of the wall would be destroyed, it would stay in place. It was then placed into the Western Wall and remains there even today.
