Last Wish
Terrorists burst into a shul (synagogue) just before Yom Kippur, demanding 20 million dollars and a jet plane in ransom.
The Governor, being a tough man, said no. The terrorists then announced that they would kill, in quick succession, 3 people. They chose the Rabbi, the Cantor, and the Synagogue President.
They told the Rabbi: "We're going to kill you first. Any last requests?"
"Only one," said the Rabbi. "All my life I have wanted to give the perfect sermon. This time, for Yom Kippur, I have worked on my sermon for many months. It's really great. Before you kill me, I'd like to give my sermon".
"No problem" said the chief terrorist. "Give your sermon and then we'll kill you".
He turned to the Cantor: "You'll be second to die. Any last requests?"
"Only one" said the Cantor. "All my life I have wanted to sing the perfect Kol Nidre. This year, I have practiced and practiced and have polished it to perfection. Before you kill me, I would like to sing it once".
"No problem", said the terrorist. He then turned to the President. "You'll be third. Any last wish?"
"Only one", said the President. "Please kill me first."
A Rabbi on Yom Kippur
Rabbi Ben Simmons was fed up with his congregation. So, he decided to skip the services on Yom Kippur, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and instead go play golf.
Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the rabbi severely.
As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi Ben Simmons playing the best game he had ever played. The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course and then again on the next hole.
Moses turned to God and asked, 'I thought you were going to punish him. Do you call this punishment?'
God replied, 'Who can he tell?'
My friend was cranky from fasting all day for Yom Kippur yesterday.
I’m sure it will Passover.
Synagogue Dog
A jewish guy walks into his synagogue on Yom Kippur with with his dog. The rabbi stops him at the door and says "Moishe, what's the matter with you? You can't bring a dog in here."
"Don't worry, Rabbi," replies Moishe, "Isaac here is just as orthodox as I am, and he's come to pray." And as soon as he says that, the dog stands up on his hind legs, pulls a yarmulka out of Moishe's pocket, grabs a prayer book and starts praying in perfect Hebrew.
The Rabbi is amazed. "Oh my god," he says, "this is incredible, Moishe. You should make this dog become a rabbi!"
"You tell him that, Rabbi," replies Moishe. "He wants to be a doctor."
