I Went to Uman for Rosh Hashanah, Now What?

Chizuk and Inspiration on Coming Home from Uman

On Rosh Hashanah we're able to taste the sweetness of deveikus.

With the absurd cost of going to Uman for Rosh Hashanah, and all of the challenges and discomforts of traveling, and the absolute craziness that happens there, the big question is: “Why do we keep coming back?"

The answer for many of us may be that we truly believe that Rebbi Nachman is able to fix our soul, like it says in Chayei Mohoran (See the section on Uman R"H). It could also be that we believe the Rebbe will help us have successful year. However, these two reasons alone would not be enough for most of us to keep coming. Rather, the main reason is that we experience something which is most unique and elusive: a closeness to Hashem.

It could be that we're able to daven with more kavanah and taste the sweetness of the words of tefillah. It could be that we feel incredible deveikus while we're dancing with other Jews during our Seudah or at Tashlich. It could be that we hear a Shiur or study a Sefer which gives us amazing inspiration. It could be that we have a powerful experience in the Rebbe's Tziun. Each one of us knows exactly that moment which lifted up our soul and made us feel closer to Hashem than ever before. Thus, the true reason that we continue to go through all the struggles, and suffer through the balagan of Uman is in order to taste the light of the Ein Sof, Baruch Hu, in whichever way it comes to us.

When we leave Uman, however, all the lights go out.

However, almost moments after Yom Tov is over, practically the minute that we pack our bags and start our trip home, we lose everything. We encounter some obstacle or delay in our journey and all the lights go out. From our highest state of happiness and faith, we fall into frustration and darkness. We forget almost immediately about the deveikus we just had and return home even more sad and depressed than we were before. Then we go through the rest of the year in a cloud of depression, without connecting to the inspiration we felt in Uman. Occasionally, we remember it, and we wait and hope for some of that light. But when it doesn't come, we simply move on like it was all a dream, until the next year comes around and we get excited that just maybe we'll get another moment of pure deveikus by the Rebbe again. This process then repeats itself, until even in Uman we often feel empty, just going through the motions. What's going on, and what's the way out?

By learning from the mitzvah of sefiras ha'omer, we can slowly reignite our soul.

What's happening is similar to what happens during the Yom Tov of Pesach. The Sefarim HaKadoshim explain, that on the first night of Pesach Hashem gives us a present. Even though we are completely unworthy since we're stuck in the tumah of Mitzraim, Hashem opens up the Heavens and takes us out. He allows us to experience what true freedom and deveikus is through the mitzvos of Matzah and Maror, the 4 cups of redemption, the retelling of the story of the Hagadah, and the exuberant praises of Halel. We feel the love of Hashem for the Jewish people more than ever before.

By the second day of Pesach, however, all that sweetness is gone. We are hung over and tired, and have no interest in avodas Hashem. We feel like we're back in Mitzraim, but this time it's even more bitter, since we had a taste of freedom. Nonetheless, we don't give up. Instead, we start counting sefirah. Even though we have no inspiration, we still count each day. We try, even for a few moments, to awaken ourselves and prepare ourselves for Kabalas HaTorah. After 49 days of counting, despite going through many difficulties and feeling hardly any connection, we reach Shavuos and experience an even higher revelation than Pesach: The 50th gate.

Similarly, on Rosh Hashanah in Uman, Rebbi Nachman gives us a present or two. He allows us to feel what it's like to be a tzadik for a couple minutes here and there. He lifts up our neshamah out of its shmutz and shows us who we truly are and what is our true potential. He takes us simple Jews and transforms our spiritual capabilities. We feel happier and more connected to Hashem than at any other time. On the one hand, this is not a dream at all. It is who we truly are. This is a real experience of what it is to be a Jew. On the other hand, it is not real at all, since we didn't earn it, rather, the tzadik did all the work for us. Therefore, in order to grow from our experience and retain some of the light of the Rebbe throughout the year, we must try to awaken ourselves from our spiritual slumber and bring the Rebbe into our everyday life. The Rebbe can only do 90% for us, but the last 10% we have to do ourselves.

To be able to grow from our Uman experience, we must remind ourselves of our inspiration.

This process of self-awakening must be done in a general sense and in a more specific manner. In a general sense, we must try to remember our moments of inspiration, and cherish them. We must remind ourselves of our incredible spiritual capabilities and draw from the deveikus we had. Rebbi Nachman says that if a blind man is willing to trust his stick to guide him and save him from falling, all the more so when we are spiritually blind and we can't see our way forward, we should trust our own moments of inspiration when our eyes were truly open, to guide us through the darkness. This means that we can't let ourselves fall even if we've done the worst sins. Rather, we must strengthen ourselves and remember the closeness to Hashem we experienced in Uman. We must hold on to this closeness, just like a blind man and his stick, until the light of Uman Rosh Hashanah will guide us out of our darkness.

In a more specific manner, we have to do something each day to reconnect ourselves to our Uman experience and bring it into our daily life. Just like sefirah when we count only one day at a time, we shouldn't try to do too much at once, which causes us to completely burn out and give up. Rather, we should do a little bit on a consistent basis. So what can we do to bring the Rebbi Nachman's light into our spiritual darkness? We must try to do three things everyday: Learn the Rebbe's sefarim, speak with a friend about avodas Hashem, and do hisbodedus. (See Likutei Mohoran 1, 34) Through connecting to each one of these aspects of avodas Hashem even for 10 minutes each every day (that's only 30 minutes altogether), Rebbi Nachman's teachings become a part of us and we're able to incorporate our Uman experience into our normal life. "Ein shum yeush ba'olam klal," and "mitzvah gedolah liyos besimcha" are not just hypothetical ideas. Rather, we can live with them in a deep way, along with countless other profound teachings of the Rebbe which completely transform our life.

1. Learning the Torah of Rebbi Nachman

By studying a Breslov sefer a little bit each day, we slowly but surely receive the deepest advice of the Rebbe on how to bring the inspiration of Rosh Hashanah down to our everyday life. Breslov Sefarim strengthen us and help us to feel good about ourselves. They give teach us numerous ways to be happy even when we're struggling, and when we're happy, our mind is much clearer and then we're truly able to attach ourselves to Hashem like. Even 10 minutes of learning is enough to completely transform our mindset and help us have a good day.

If possible, we should try to do our learning first thing in the morning, either before or after Shacharis. Then, instead of crying over our lack of sleep and the weak coffee, we are infused with joy and closeness to Hashem, and the chizuk of the tzadik. This sets us on a good path for the rest of the day, and gives us the ability to overcome that day's challenges. Even though learning from a sefer doesn't compare to going to the Rebbe mamash, it can remind us of our experience of kedusha and deveikus and help us to find a little bit of that experience every day. And this little bit is not a present from Rebbi Nachman, rather, it is something that we earned by awakening ourselves to open his sefer.

As far as what sefer is good to learn, each one of us must decide for ourselves depending on how familiar we are to Breslov sefarim and what we connect to the most. Nonetheless, one should know, that the main limud in Breslov is not Likutei Mohoran. Even though it is certainly good for us to learn it, Likutei Mohoran is, for the most part, a very difficult sefer to understand and bring into our every day life. It is, so to speak, like the computer chip of Breslov, which contains everything inside it. However, without the computer to expand and display its contents, it is virtually inaccessible. Therefore, the primary study in Breslov is Likutei Halachos of Reb Noson. In this sefer, Reb Noson takes one idea of the Rebbe and explains it. Then he broadens it and fleshes it out, until this compacted idea of Rebbi Nachman is a massive picture which we can clearly see and understand. Through this, Reb Noson makes it clear exactly how we can live with the Rebbe's Torah. However, since Reb Noson is trying to give us the depth of the Rebbe's teachings, in order to really grasp what Reb Noson is saying, we must have at least 20 minutes a day to study it. If we don't have so much time, the best sefarim to learn are Meshivas Nefesh or Hishtapchus HaNefesh. These sefarim are compilations of excerpts from numerous Toras from Rebbi Nachman and Reb Noson. They are, for the most part, short and succinct ideas which we can grasp immediately, and they have the power to truly inspire us. In addition, Sichos HaRan and Shivchei HaRan are also very accessible and they contain all the main ideas and themes of Breslov.

For our daily limud of Breslov, if we can find a chevrusa who is extremely consistent, then we can learn with him. However, it is better not to rely on any one else, since it's important not to miss a single day. Rather, we should approach this limud as our time alone with the Rebbe, just receiving from him through his sefarim.

2. Speaking with a Friend

In general, most of us spend a lot of time talking with our friends. We schmooze about sports, news, business deals, and whatever stuff that comes up during the day. Though it would be good to limit our conversations, there is nothing wrong with shmoozing at all, (as long as we're not speaking Lashon Harah, Leitzanus, or anything inappropriate, of course.) Rebbi Nachman says that it is important to give our mind a break from learning and avodas Hashem each day by having casual conversations with our friends.

Nonetheless, it is even more important to talk to a good friend about spiritual ideas every single day. We can talk about hashgacha pratis that we experienced. We can talk about something we learned which we found interesting and affected us deeply. Most importantly, we can talk about the teachings of Rebbi Nachman. These discussions help us understand the Rebbe's Torah much better and they very often bring out new ways of applying his teachings to our life. Each one of us has a unique perspective on Rebbi Nachman's Torah, largely based on our Uman experiences, and by sharing these perspectives with a friend, the advice of Rebbi Nachman can come alive in the words of our discussions, and we can reawaken the inspiration of Rosh Hashanah. This also reminds us of the achdus and collective simchah which experienced with our friends in Uman, and helps us to bring some of that into our everyday life.

3. Hisbodedus-Our Conversation with Hashem

In order to truly grow from our Uman experience, it is essential that we do hisbodedus every day. The main reason that we're far from Hashem and have no taste in our avodah, is because our minds are completely occupied with physical desire, worries about the future, and regrets about the past. However, even 10 minutes of talking to Hashem and asking for His help, is enough to begin to clear our head of our fears, desires and guilt, and reconnect with what we experienced in Uman, which is our true potential. Of course, the more time we spend doing hisbodedus, the more we can attach ourselves to this potential and attain it in our everyday life, but a little bit is also very, very beneficial.

During our hisbodedus, we should try to daven to Hashem about the piece Breslov Torah that we learned that day. This helps us to integrate the incredible wisdom of Rebbi Nachman into our life. It makes the advice of the tzadik sink deep into our bones and become a part of us. By bringing our Torah into tefillah, Rebbi Nachman's teachings become a practice and not just a theory, and we're able to connect to our Uman experience through living the Rebbe's teachings. (For more on hisbodedus, please contact the email address below to receive the book: Hashem Is Your Friend-A Guide to Hisbodedus)

By practicing these three aspects of Rebbi Nachman's teachings everyday, we build amazing vessels to receive the light of the Rebbe. This is especially true when, on the "bad days" when we feel like we don't have anything for Hashem let alone Rebbi Nachman, we're able to pick ourselves up and do a little bit of these Breslov avodos. Through this, we create a tremendous connection to the Rebbe and a capability to receive from him, even though it's not Uman Rosh Hashanah. And even if we've tried a million times before, we must try one more time. We must believe that the Rebbe's advice has the ability to help us, we just have to do a small amount consistently. Even if we feel completely numb to life, and even if we feel like we're in the deepest pit of depression and despair, and even if we're struggling just to go through the frum motions and play the game, we have to know that by making a small movement toward Hashem and connecting ourselves to Rebbi Nachman's teachings, and by remembering Uman Rosh Hashanah even the tiniest bit every day, the Rebbe can help us with the rest. The Rebbe can guide us back to Hashem, but we first have to show him that we want his help.

Thus, throughout our entire year we are able to grow from our Uman experience and bring it into our everyday lives, until the following year when we return for Rosh Hashanah and, with the Rebbe's help, we can reach even higher and higher.