Never to Repeat It Again
21. When he speaks about the nature of the kabalah that a baal teshuvah needs to accept upon himself, the Rambam (פ"ב תשובה ה"ב ) writes, “The One Who knows hidden things will [be able to] testify about him that he will never repeat this aveirah.” This implies one needs to accept it upon himself to the point that Hashem will testify that he will never repeat this aveirah.
22. Some are surprised and have difficulty with this concept. We were created with a yetzer hara that constantly burns within us and comes to convince us to do aveiros. “A person knows the bitterness of his soul,” and one knows from experience that he doesn’t always stand up like a strong wall to the yetzer hara. That being the case, how can one make such a kabalah? A person can deceive himself, but he can’t deceive Hashem, Who knows hidden things. We wrote that each of the four components of kaparah are necessary – if so, we are at a loss as to how to fulfill the mitzvah of teshuvah.
23. In his current state. However, the Rishonim explain that the nature of the kabalah must be such that in his state and at the time he does teshuvah, he accepts upon himself – based on the regret, grief, and pain he has then – not to repeat that aveirah. Certainly, it must be a true kabalah that befits him then; if he knows right now that he wants to do the aveirah again, it has no validity.
24. However, once one sincerely accepted it upon himself that he does not want to do the aveirah, the teshuvah that he did remains and is not uprooted, even if it happens in the future ח"ו that he is unable to withstand the nisayon and does the aveirah again. That is just considered a new aveirah that must be rectified anew. This is true even if he repeats this aveirah multiple times (רבינו סעדיה גאון, אמונות ודעות מאמר ה' פ"ה, מאירי חיבור התשובה מאמר א', פ"ב, רבינו בחיי, כד הקמח ערך כיפורים ב' בסופו, המבי"ט בית אלקים פ"ו ). [Some infer this from the Rambam’s wording: he refers to Hashem as “the One Who knows hidden things,” not “the One Who knows the future.”]
25. Obviously, if a person finds himself falling to an aveirah multiple times, part of his kabalah must be thinking about ways he can prevent himself from falling again and adding protective measures so that an assessment of the situation will show that he can find the strength to fight his yetzer. With that, he can resolve not to do the aveirah again. However, if, at the time of his teshuvah, he only has the desire not to repeat the aveirah but he does not do anything beyond that and he knows he will certainly stumble again, that is not even called a kabalah now. The desire not to do an aveirah alone is not a resolution not to do the aveirah.
R' Yisroel Salanter’s Suggestion
26. Kabalah for part of the aveirah. R’ Yisroel Salanter has a well-known chiddush regarding the kabalah l’asid that makes it easier for us to fulfill this component of teshuvah. That is, one can make a kabalah on one aspect of the aveirah even if he cannot make a kabalah on the whole matter. E.g., it is difficult for a person to accept it upon himself never to speak lashon hara no matter what. However, one can accept it upon himself not to speak lashon hara in a particular place or situation or to a particular person. This kabalah in just a portion of the aveirah will also be considered for him a full teshuvah on Yom Kippur as long as he still has the drive to continually improve over time (שפתי חיים יוהכ"פ עמ' ע"ר ).
27. For every aveirah a person has, he must fix one portion of it. E.g., one can pick one hour in which he will not be mevatel Torah no matter what and not speak lashon hara no matter what, or the like.
28. Kabalah on the easy parts. Also, when one chooses to make a kabalah on a portion of an aveirah, he should choose something easier, not something harder. If something is easier to keep, the claim on a person for violating it is more severe. Thus, one should choose a kabalah in an easy area of the matter and take it upon himself in such a way that he will not violate it no matter what.
29. Make me an opening the size of a needle point. R’ Yisroel Salanter’s chiddush is that as long as one regrets the aveirah itself; takes it upon himself to make some sort of improvement in every aveirah he did; and does vidui for them; then Hashem lights up the way for him on Yom Kippur and cleans the filth of the aveiros. The gift of the day of Yom Kippur itself is opened like the entrance to a hall, with tremendous light and the benefits and segulos of the day’s kedushah, so that one can be zocheh to a full kaparah.
