In his sefer Kochvei Ohr asks three questions. The first question begins with the words of the Rambam in Hilchot Teshuvah, where he writes: "Anyone who regrets the Mitzvot he performed and questions the merits, saying in his heart, 'What have I gained by doing them? I wish I hadn't done them,' loses all of them, and no merit is mentioned for him in the world. Just as they weigh a person's merits and sins at the time of his death, so too every year they weigh the sins of each individual in the world against his merits on Rosh Hashanah. Whoever is found righteous is sealed for life. Whoever is found wicked is sealed for death. The intermediate is left hanging until Yom Kippur; if he repents, he is sealed for life, and if not, he is sealed for death."
Rav Itzele Blazer asks about the intermediate person whose scale is balanced. If he puts on Tefillin right now, it seems he will have more Mitzvot; if he gives Tzedakah, he will have more Mitzvot, etc. So, why does the Rambam specifically write, "If he repents, he is sealed for life, and if not, he is sealed for death"? Why doesn't the Rambam write, "If he adds more Mitzvot, he is sealed for life"?
The second question he asks is about a story from the Gemara (Yoma 87a) where Rav had an issue with a certain butcher who once offended him (and it is known that butchers and rabbis never got along, as the butchers were sure the rabbis disqualified their animals). The butcher did not come to Rav on Erev Yom Kippur to ask for forgiveness. Rav said, "He did not come to me; so, I will go to him." On his way to the butcher's shop, Rav met Rav Huna, who asked him, "Where are you going, Rebbe? It's Erev Yom Kippur!" Rav replied, "I am going to reconcile with so-and-so." Rav Huna told his friends, "He is going to kill someone!" Rav reached the butcher's shop, where the butcher was busy cutting meat. The butcher looked up and saw Rav. Instead of jumping up, the great sage entered, and the butcher said, "Go away! I have nothing to do with you." While the butcher was cutting, a bone flew out and struck him in the head, killing him.
Rav Itzele Blazer asks: If the butcher deserved a death sentence, why did it wait until Rav came to reconcile with him? Why didn't he die already at the beginning of Elul?
The second question he asks is: Where do we find in Halacha that if someone wronged me, I have to go to him? He wronged me – he should come to me! Why do I have to go to him?
He then presents three answers, all from the same root: Rav learned from Hakadosh Baruch Hu. If the Gemara says about the Pasuk דִּ רְ שׁ וּ ה' בְּהִמָּצְאוֹ קְרָאֻהוּ בִּהְיוֹתוֹ קָרוֹב, that Hakadosh Baruch Hu descends to each person so that we may ask for forgiveness, Rav said, "I will behave like Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who descends to each person so that they may ask for forgiveness." But this implies that if Rav reached the butcher's shop and he still did not ask for forgiveness, a new claim was born! As long as Rav had not arrived, the heavenly claim against the butcher had not been renewed – but I came to you, and you still did not ask for forgiveness?! For this, there is a new claim against you!
According to this, the words of the Rambam can be understood: The Aseret Yemei Teshuva are a manifestation of דִּ רְ שׁ וּ ה' בְּהִמָּצְאוֹ קְרָאֻהוּ בִּהְיוֹתוֹ קָרוֹב. Hakadosh Baruch Hu comes to each of us! Here, adding another (random) Mitzvah will not help tip the scale! If I came to you so that you would ask for forgiveness, and you do not ask for forgiveness?! For this, there is a claim against you! One Mitzvah of Tefillin or Tzedakah won’t help now, as this new claim is equivalent to hundreds of Mitzvot!
Rabbotai, I want to close by speaking a bit about the concept of Teshuva. Rabbeinu Yona, in Shaarei Teshuva, speaks with great emotion about the Mitzvah of Teshuva. He writes: "Among the goodness which Hakadosh Baruch Hu bestowed upon His creations is that He prepared for them a way to ascend from the pit of their deeds, to escape the trap of their sins, to save their souls from destruction, and to turn away His wrath from them. He taught and warned them to return to Him when they sin against Him, due to His great goodness and uprightness, for He knows their inclination. And if they have sinned greatly and rebelled, and traitors have betrayed, He has not closed the doors of Teshuva before them, as it is said: שׁ וּבוּ לַאֲשׁ ֶר הֶעְמִ יקוּ סָרָ ה – Return to Him against whom they have deeply rebelled; and it is said: שׁ ו ּ ב ו ּ ב ּ ָ נ ִ י ם שׁ ו ֹ ב ָ ב ִ י ם – Return, rebellious children."
Rebellious children. And know that if a sinner delays returning from his sin, his punishment becomes very severe each day, for he knows that wrath has gone out against him and he has a refuge there, and the refuge is Teshuva. And he stands in his rebellion and remains in his evil, and he has the ability to escape from the upheaval, yet he does not fear the wrath and anger. Therefore, his evil is great."
You have a stockpile of sins, you know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is angry, why don't you return through Teshuva?
"Forget about it... when I retire... at age 65, the desires will fade, and then I can do Teshuva."
"Who promised you that you'll even live until 65?"
"No... my father lived until 90... my mother until 85... there's no reason I won't last."
In his view, he's all set; the person is sure he'll live forever! But Rabbeinu Yonah brings a parable, of a group of thieves whom the king imprisoned, and they dug a tunnel, broke through, and escaped, leaving one behind. The prison warden came and saw the tunnel dug and the man still imprisoned. He struck him with his staff and said, "Foolish one, wasn’t the tunnel dug and prepared for you? Why didn't you use it to save your life?!"
Rabbotai, let's learn the moral here: this tunnel is Teshuva. There were nine who did Teshuva and escaped, and one did not. The warden comes and beats him. The question arises — why does he beat him?! "You have a tunnel, why didn't you escape?!" Does this prisoner really deserve punishment? Ten murderers are sitting in prison, all serving life sentences – one day they all escape with the exception of a single prisoner. In the morning, all the journalists come, photograph the hole... a royal commission of inquiry is formed... they fire the commissioner and everyone on duty... yet the prison warden comes and beats the lone remaining prisoner? I would ask him: "Sir, why are you hitting me?! Am I to blame that nine escaped and I didn't?! What did I do?!"
Rav Shach said: every prisoner who enters prison, the first thing he wants is to get out of prison. Someone who got entangled in a failed deal once told me that the hardest moment is when you enter prison! He told me in tears: "Four people sleep in a room... bunk beds... a toilet in the room... the guard brought me in, showed me the bed, and locked the door. I entered the room, and three people were looking at me — I said, 'Ribbono Shel Olam, what do we do?!' I started pacing the room back and forth until one of the prisoners turned to me...
"Hello, what's your name?"
"David."
"David, here in prison, it's the only place in the world where even when you're standing, you're called sitting – so sit down, don't make noise!"
A person who arrives at such a place, Rav Shach says, the first thing he wants is to escape from there! If you see a prisoner in prison, and he has the opportunity to escape and he doesn't, it's a sign he's become one of the locals. For him, it's a hotel. Baruch Hashem, there's a shul, there are meals, and for this, he deserves a beating! He’s become subhuman!
Rav Shach said that lone remaining prisoner was arrogant, and that's why he didn't escape – “I came in through the front door, and I'll leave through it. I won't stoop to a hole. Why should I get all dirty?" What?! Are you normal?! Get dirty, get out?! That's pure arrogance!!!
I’d like to turn to a third parable, and I think it's the deepest one written here. People may be sitting outside and saying, "Listen, those nine did the job right... they escaped – they escaped!” People with a bit less sense would say, "The one who stayed is really a fool! He had the chance to escape, why didn't he?!" But Rabbotai, let's think about who brought more honor to the kingdom – the nine who escaped, or the one who stayed inside? People who don't think will say the one who stayed brought more honor to the kingdom. Why? "I got 15 years... I have 3 years left – leave it, I don't want to escape. Let me finish three years and be released properly." Seemingly, he's right. But the truth is, the honor to the kingdom comes from the nine who escaped! What do those who escaped outside broadcast in all directions? "It's worth risking getting a bullet in the head from snipers, just don't stay inside that prison!" What does this say to those outside the prison? That prison is a terrible thing – it's worth dying just not to remain inside!"
Rabbeinu Yona says, come and see the evil of the one who delays; a person who knows he has a way of escape through Teshuva, and he delays the evil and doesn't return in Teshuva – this is the greatest claim against such a person! The tunnel is dug before you, why didn't you escape?! "I'm fine. I'll stay here." This is the worst desecration of Hakadosh Baruch Hu’s name! You have the opportunity to leave, and you stay put in your place?! For this, you deserve a beating!
A Ba’al Teshuva sanctifies Hashem's name by saying: "I'm not fine, I don't want to be in this situation." This is the greatest virtue of a person who does Teshuva; he proves outwardly how bad it is for him to be in this situation.
Let's bring another parable for this: You meet a person, and plaster or whitewash has spilled all over his suit.
"Mr. Moshe, it seems you've gotten dirty from the plaster. Your whole suit is stained!"
"I saw, thank you. I'm already on my way home."
Everyone he meets on the way comments on it. You understand that in two hours he'll get home and change the suit. But what happens if after a week you meet him and see him with the same stain on the suit?
"Moshe, what's this?!"
"What, isn't it nice?!"
What do you learn from his behavior? If he tells you: "Okay, I'm going to change," you understand that the situation is bad for him. But if he sticks with it, it means he's totally fine with it!
He's fine being in the dirt! Rabbeinu Yona tells us, for this, he deserves punishment. He has the opportunity to clean himself, but he doesn't want to!
We read in in Parshat Ki Tetze:
כִּי בַשָּׂדֶה מְצָאָהּ צָעֲקָה הַנַּעֲרָ הַמְאֹרָ שָׂה וְאֵין מוֹשִׁיעַ לָהּ׃
For he found her in the field, and the betrothed maiden cried out, but there was none to save her.
What is the measure, if it's coercion or not? If it truly hurts you or not? צָעֲקָ ה הַנַּעֲרָ ה – when you feel bad about your sins, you cry out, "Ribbono Shel Olam, I'm not okay!!!" This is the feeling a person should feel on Erev Yom Kippur!
Rabbotai, I want to say just one more thing, and with this, B’ezrat Hashem, to conclude. I meet many people, and I'm not talking about secular people, but about people who observe Torah and Mitzvot, who have sins like lashon hara, guarding one’s eyes, and speaking during Tefillah.
"Come, sir, get a hold of yourself... change..."
"What can I tell you, I feel like an EKG – up and down – I tried to take it upon myself but it's not working!"
Rabbotai, this is one of the strategies of the Yetzer Hara – one of his main projects is to discourage people. "It's pointless, why bother trying?! You clearly see it's not helping!"
Rabbotai, I saw a most wonderful idea about this in the sefer of Rav Mattityahu Solomon, which moved me greatly. He brings such a beautiful parable, that if someone takes this parable personally for himself, it would be our reward. There was a king who, every two or three months, would tour the country. He would send letters to 10-15 families, informing them that he would visit them – each on a different day. One day, two elderly people living in a cabin in the forest received a letter sealed with the king's ring, stating that King Ploni would visit their home in thirty days’ time, on date so and so. The elders were terribly frightened.
"What should we do?! Our hut looks awful! How can we receive the king like this?!"
"What do you want us to do?!"
"What should we do?! An urgent renovation within thirty days!"
"And what about the chairs?!"
"We'll buy one chair for the king."
"And what about the windows?!"
"We'll replace them. Is there a choice?!"
"Shlomo, for thirty years I've been begging you to replace the windows, buy chairs, and you cried to me that there's no money. How do you suddenly have money?!"
"Indeed, I don't have the money."
"So how will you do all this renovation now?!"
"We'll take a loan."
"Are you crazy?! Taking a loan so the king will be here for ten minutes?! Let him come and see what there truly is – let him see us in our true form!"
"My dear, I knew you were wise, but let's analyze the situation – if the king really wanted to see where we live and how we lived, would he have notified us in advance that he's coming for a visit?! If he wanted to see the broken windows, the chair without a leg, and the dirty walls, would he have notified us?! He would have knocked at four in the afternoon and entered! But he isn’t coming by surprise; he notified us thirty days in advance! So, what will you tell him — 'this is how it is'?!"
The king says: “Why did I send a message thirty days in advance?! So, you would prepare a bare minimum, with your available strength and resources! I know you won't build a palace in thirty days! I know you won't make me nice finishes, nor put in place clean drywall. But one thing – a normal chair, you can’t buy?! One chair, so I won't fall! Can you not put a simple picture on the wall to cover up?! Can you not mount a simple piece of fabric on the broken window?!”
Rabbi Mattityahu Solomon says, Hakadosh Baruch Hu informs us that He is coming, a full forty days before He arrives. He sent the message on Rosh Chodesh Elul: "I will arrive on Rosh Hashanah, stay another ten days thereafter, and go house to house." "What, how will I prepare a palace for You?!" “I didn't ask you to make a palace,” says Hakadosh Baruch Hu. But one chair you can arrange; so the King has something to sit on!” If you don't do even this – you're simply a criminal! This is the great claim that Hakadosh Baruch Hu demands from us.
Rabbotai, a transformation doesn't happen in a brief moment, but each person can take upon themselves one Mitzvah! I was very moved last year when I saw a young scholar who came to the great Rabbi Michel Lefkowitz, who passed away a year and a half ago. The young man asked: "Rebbe, tell me what to strengthen myself in!" The great rabbi told him: "When you wash your hands for Asher Yatzar, stand in one place and recite the bracha!"
What happens daily? A person washes their hands and then have six meters to the living room – and they bless all the way. What is this, a nightly journey?! It’s the bracha of Asher Yatzar – stand in one place and bless!!! How long does it take, a whole minute?! The young man then asked: "Rebbe, is that all?!" He said to him: "Yes. Start with this!"
This and also Birkat Hamazon with kavanah. The Ba'er Hetev brings the words of Sefer HaChinuch, which says that a person who says Birkat Hamazon with kavanah is assured that they will never lack food! They are assured that there will be no anger upon them – not wrath nor fury! Tell me, how long does it take to say Birkat Hamazon with proper focus and intention?! Ten minutes?! People complain about the cost of living... complain they have no livelihood – what happened, do you say Birkat Hamazon with any kavanah?!
Rabbotai, take upon yourselves one Mitzvah – these are treasures of eternity! Do not belittle it, even the smallest kabbalah (acceptance upon yourself)!
Every thought of Teshuva – let not the Yetzer Hara come and drag us down with thoughts: "Leave it, don't even try. You've been the same for fifty years and nothing will change." A Jew told me that in the Slabodka Yeshiva, at every Rosh Hashanah meal, they learn one perek from Mishnayot Rosh Hashanah. There are four chapters, four meals, and in one day they finish it! Who did this? When the Slabodka Yeshiva was small, there was one Jew who said: "We sit at the meal, and what do we do?! Let's read a perek of Mishnayot at every meal!" That person has not been alive for decades, but they still continue to say that same perek of Mishnayot!
Rabbotai, after Tefillah, a person takes two Mishnayot a day – after three years, they finish Shisha Sidrei Mishna! Why do you have to die to learn Mishnayot?! Live and learn Mishnayot for the sake of the deceased instead! After every Tefillah, read two Halachot with a Kaddish D'Rabbanan – this is eternity!!! Come back after fifty years and see that they still do it – you established it and you have no idea how much you gained!!!
On Erev Yom Kippur, a person takes upon themselves, bli neder, to learn two Mishnayot. The Torah says in Parshat Bo:
ַעֲשׂוּ בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל כַּאֲשׁ ֶר צִוָּה ה' אֶת מֹשׁ ֶה וְאַהֲרֹן כֵּן עָשׂוּ
וַיֵלְכוּ וַיַּעֲשׂוּ. Rashi says, did they already do it? Wasn't it said to them at the beginning of the month only to be performed days later? Rather, since they accepted it upon themselves, it is considered as if they did it!
You accepted two Mishnayot upon yourself now? You now have, on Yom Kippur, all Shisha Sidrei Mishna on the scales! "Why didn't you escape?! You could have gained eternity! It means you were comfortable in the dirt!" – that will be the great claim! Take the opportunity and escape!
May Hakadosh Baruch Hu grant us the merit to all be inscribed B’Sefer Tzadikim Gemurim – the book of the complete righteous; for a good and happy year. May Hakadosh Baruch Hu give us all that we need for His service, and may we all merit this year to hear the sound of the shofar of our righteous Mashiach speedily in our days, Amen v’Amen!
