ההצלה מחבלי מחלוקת כיצד?
How can we be saved from the pitfalls of dispute?
Then Yehuda approached... may your anger not flare up(44:18)
Rashi explains: ‘From here you learn that Yehuda spoke harshly to Yosef.
Yehuda knew that he was speaking to the ‘second to the king’, and it would have been appropriate to speak respectfully with him. However, Rashi informs us that he chose to speak to him harshly, and present all his arguments clearly, even though by doing this he was reducing the respect due royalty. This matter needs examining, really, why was he disrespectful to royalty? Through human eyes it seems that there is no reason Yosef should be receptive to this, just the opposite, Yosef was in his rights to punish him, so why did he choose this approach?
We can say that Yehuda realized and understood that Yosef’s conduct toward his brothers demonstrated that Yosef had a specific complaint against them, and for some reason he could not get out of it. Therefore, he spoke with them using ‘sign language’ with the hope that his holy brothers would understand his intent through his actions. Bust since the brothers did not understand why Yosef was singling them out, Yehuda wanted Yosef to explain himself, and he understood that he had to speak clearly and explain everything that had happened to them. For after criticizing the leadership of the kingdom and expressing his pain in front of all those around Yosef in that they were suspected and persecuted when they were innocent, Yosef would be forced to correct his stance. Yosef would have to back up his accusations and explain he was making them suffer, and by doing this they would understand his complaint against them, and what they would have to do to appease him and get on equal ground.
The Torah is teaching us derech Eretz – proper conduct, and we also have to follow the footsteps of Yehuda. If you see someone with the intent to oppress you, and he looks for any way to harass you, you must realize that he is not harassing you for nothing, and most probably he feels you deserve it. Therefore, it is appropriate that you do not anger him then and speak behind his back. Just do this and live, face him directly and ask him why today is different from other days and why has he changed to do bad to you? Then he will respond to you and tell you what you did that was wrong to him. By doing this, you will be able to put his mind at ease and clarify that you did not mean to cause him pain with your action, or that you were not the one who did the deplorable act at all., and in this way you will bring peace between you.
We also see this approach of Yehuda with the complaint of Yosef. In the previous parsha, we see that the brothers themselves admitted that if the cup was found in one of their sacks, they all deserved to be punished. The Torah states (44:9) 'אשר ימצא אתו מעבדיך ומת וגם אנחנו נהיה לאדוני לעבדים' – ‘The one among your servants with whom it is found shall die, and we also will become slaves to my lord’, and if so, we must understand what opening did Yehuda have to ask for the life of Binyamin after the cup was actually found in his sack? In fact, the one chasing after them already eased their punishment and only demanded to take Binyamin as a slave and not to put him to death. How could Yehuda then come with his argument and ask for the total release of Binyamin?
