A Burial Plot
An old Jewish woman, on her 80th birthday, decides to prepare her last will and testament. She goes to the rabbi to show it to him and to ask him for advice on a few points, chief amongst them is her request that she not be buried in a Jewish cemetery.
"But why Mrs. Epstein?" the rabbi asks. "You don't want to be buried with the rest of our people?"
"No," Mrs. Epstein said resolutely. "I want to be buried at Bloomingdales."
"Bloomingdales?!" the rabbi said in disbelief.
"Yes. Then I'll be sure that my daughters will visit me at least twice a week!"
Life’s a Beach
Savta Esther, a notoriously tough Israeli grandmother, was at the beach one Friday with her grandchildren when someone approached her asking for Tzedakah.
“Please Geveret”(madam), he pleads with his hand out. “I haven’t eaten all day.”
“Good,” says Savta Esther. “Now you won’t have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim.”
Aches and Pains
At the Beth Israel nursing home in Boca Raton Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains. "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said Applebaum.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied Shiffman.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said Markewitz, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," Himmlefarb contributed.
