QUESTION: In our circles, the custom is to give the Kallah (bride) a diamond bracelet upon the engagement and then a diamond ring later on. We have a number of boys to marry off in our family and we simply will not be able to afford a diamond bracelet and a diamond ring for the Kallahs of each of our boys. We will likely buy lab-grown diamonds instead of natural diamonds which are significantly cheaper. If we buy these diamonds for the Kallahs, are we obligated to tell them? If we do not tell them, are we guilty of the transgression of, “Gneivas Da’as” (engaging in deception)? You likely know that a lab-grown diamond is the same as a natural diamond in all material respects other than the fact that a lab-grown diamond is grown in a lab, while a natural diamond is mined from the earth.
ANSWER: The best thing to do is to tell the Kallah that she is getting a lab-grown diamond. As you likely know, the value of a diamond is determined by, “The four Cs” – Cut, Carat, Color and Clarity. Similarly, in marriage, “Clarity” i.e. transparency and disclosure is key to building a trusting marital relationship.
However, let us discuss if one is obligated to do so to avoid transgressing Genaivas Da’as. It is an established Halacha in numerous places in Shulchan Aruch, that the parameters of what is considered to be Geneivas Da’as are determined by “Minhag HaSochrim” – the custom that happens in the business world. There is a Smah in Choshain Mishpat 228:16 on Shuchan Aruch 228:6 that states that when everyone (or perhaps most people) know that white color is added to meat to make it appear fattier then it is permitted, because that is the Minhag HaSochrim - what sellers generally do.
Applying the concept of Minhag HaSochrim to our case, whether you would be obligated to tell the Kallah about the lab-grown diamond, would depend on the socioeconomic status of the boy’s family. If the father of the boy is a professional, or the family is well-off then there would be an obligation to tell the Kallah, as people would assume that the Kallah is wearing the real thing – which would be the Minhag HaSochrim so to speak, for a wealthy family. However, if the boy is studying in Yeshiva and the family is in Chinuch (Jewish education) and not known to be wealthy – it would seem that that the general assumption is that the boy had purchased a lab-grown diamond and therefore, there would not be an obligation to tell the Kallah.
As an aside, if the boy buys his Kallah a cubic zirconia or moissanite stone, there would be an obligation to inform the Kallah even if the boy was not from a wealthy family, as those are cheaper alternatives to lab-grown diamonds and people would not assume that is what a boy, even if they were from a poor family, would buy for his Kallah.
As mentioned to begin with, even in a case where it is not Geneivas Da’as, it is still best to be open and honest. It is best to advise the Kallah on what she is receiving to help build a trusting marital relationship.
