Murder is a concept that’s simply beyond our realm of bechirah; it’s such a horrific crime that we can’t even wrap our minds around it. However, the gemara tells us that we are likely to commit this crime each time we publicly embarrass our fellow Jew. How careful must we be with the feelings of a yid!
When Yosef was about to reveal himself to his brothers, he sent out all the Mitzriyim who were with him in the room. Rashi 45,1 tells us that he didn’t want his brothers to be embarrassed with the Mitzriyim present in the room, so he sent them out.
Rav Leib Chasman teaches us an important lesson that we learn from this episode. Our chachomim point out that there was a very real danger in what Yosef did. At the moment when everyone else left the room, the sheva8m still did not know that the Egyptian ruler was their brother Yosef. The only thing they did know about him was that he was the person who was threatening to keep their youngest brother as a slave, and to potentially cause their father Yaakov to die in pain. Certainly, they could have decided to just quietly kill Yosef when they were alone with him and then quickly leave. If that happened, aside from losing his life, Yosef would never have been reunited with his father Yaakov. Nevertheless, to avoid embarrassing his brothers, he took that chance and ordered everyone in the room to leave.
At the end of the parsha 47:21, again we find how careful Yosef was that the brothers should not get embarrassed. The pasuk tells us that Yosef had all the Mitzriyim move from one city to another, and Rashi says he did this so that the Mitzriyim shouldn’t call the Jews “golim”, people who are strangers to our nation, because now everyone is a stranger since Yosef moved them around. Again, Yosef did this so that even one Mitzri should not call one brother “golim” and embarrass him in that way.
The Mishna in Avos says 3:11 that one who humiliates his friend in public has no share in the world to come. Asks Rabeinu Yona in Sha’ar Teshuva (shaar 3:141), why doesn’t it say the same about one who murders someone, that he has no share in the world to come? He says because embarrassing is worse than murdering, because one who embarrasses another doesn’t realize the gravity of his sin and therefore he’s not remorseful about what he did like if he murdered someone. So one who embarrasses another is very far from the road to teshuva. And since he will likely die without doing teshuva, that’s why he has no share in olam haba.
The gemara says in Bava Metzia 59. that it’s better to throw yourself in fire than to embarrass someone in public. Why doesn’t the gemara say that you are obligated to throw yourself in a fire? Says Rav Leib Chasman, from here we see that Chazal are not teaching us a halacha; rather, they are giving us a good eitza, to feel that it’s easier to jump into a fire furnace than to embarrass someone. And he says a mashal. There are two fires, a big one and a small one. A person has to pass through one of them in order for him to get to the other side. Of course, he’s going to choose the smaller one because it’s easier and less of a danger. Chazal is telling us that embarrassing someone is like a fire, and it’s worse than a physical fire. So, if your choice is a physical fire or embarrassing someone, it’s better to choose to jump into the physical fire, since it’s the smaller and less dangerous fire.
A talmid once saw R’ Yisroel Chaim Kaplan (father-in-law was Rav Yeruchem from Mir) crying in the Bais Midrash. The talmid asked him, “Why are you crying?” R’ Yisroel Chaim refused to tell him. But the talmid was persistent, and finally R’ Yisroel Chaim said, “I’ll tell you on condition that you don’t tell anyone”.
Rav Yisroel Chaim asked his student to bring him a gemora Baba Metzia and showed him the gemora that says it’s better to throw yourself in a fire furnace than embarrassing someone in public. Anyone who embarrasses someone in public, it’s as if he murdered someone. Said R’ Yisroel Chaim, “Let’s say you saw someone take out a sword and kill someone, would you cry?” The talmid said, “Of course I would”. Said R’ Yisroel Chaim, “I just saw someone embarrassing someone in public”. To him, this gemora was a reality – he had just witnessed a murder. He couldn’t contain himself and burst into bitter tears.
If only we, too, would see this gemara as a reality, we wouldn’t come to embarrass anyone. Just as it is unthinkable to us to murder a fellow Jew, so too, it would be unconceivable to embarrass a fellow yid. It’s all a matter of taking this gemara to heart and living by its words.
