If R’ Yochanan lost all of his children r”l, then Rabi Elazar can’t cry over his not having merited any! Okay, so perhaps R’ Yochanan didn’t see any circumstance as an excuse to cry. Maybe he wanted to find the rationale to accept any and every gzeirah with equanimity. But, then, when R’ Elazar reveals that he’s crying over R’ Yochanan’s beauty facing – ultimately – burial, R’ Yochanan accepts that as a valid reason, and even joined him! One second, what happened? Aren’t all of the objections even more applicable here?! If you can’t cry about the lack of money, because some other people in your circumstance don’t merit it, and you can’t cry about lack of children, because (although most people merit it) R’ Yochanan suffered worse, then how can you cry over the body’s ultimate burial, which is something that is the lot and destiny of every single person?! Every single person finds his end in the earth – עפרא אתה ואל עפר תשוב – and to expect otherwise should surely be considered unreasonable. Why was this explanation more acceptable to Rabi Yochanan than any of the others?!
Perhaps a key to one way of understanding this is the profound idea that the Rebbe teaches us in a sicha in this week’s parsha. We all know the sicha in which the Rebbe addresses the story in which Yosef cried on the shoulder of Benyomin and Benyomin cried on the shoulder of Yosef, and Rashi quotes from Chazal that Benyomin cried over the destruction of the mishkan that would be in the portion of Yosef, and Yosef cried over the destruction of the beis hamikdash that would be in the portion of Benyomin. Why, asks the Rebbe, did they each not cry over the churban that would affect their own territory, and instead they each cried only over the other’s churban?
The Rebbe explains: Over your own churban there is never a reason to cry. If you recognize the churban, - do something about it, rebuild! What will you gain by crying?! It is only when you see a churban affecting someone else, where it may be that you are powerless to help the situation (because that person has his own bechira), only then may your tears be justifiable.
That, perhaps, was the message of R’ Yochanan to R’ Elazar as well: No matter what you are crying about, it is no reason to cry, - do something about the situation! You didn’t learn as much Torah as would have liked, instead of using your energy to cry about it, use your energy to learn as much as you could, - to do things for the sake of the Eibishter.
You feel handicapped because of your lack of wealth? Instead of crying about it, figure out what to do about it. Either what to do to increase your wealth, or how best to serve Hashem with your existing financial circumstances.
You are troubled over your ‘not having been blessed with children’? Instead of feeling troubled about it, figure how you can deal with your situation (whether through acquiring spiritual children, such as by כל המלמד את בן חבירו תורה כאילו ילדו, or by figuring how to serve Hashem despite your difficulty. Others, also, are challenged, and they still find a way to serve Hashem, you can do the same. Don’t cry, build!
[Rabbi Avremel Levitansky a”h used to relate the following:
Once, the scientists came together and – after extensive research – issued a dire prediction. A massive earthquake is imminent, one that will result with the entire earth being covered by water. The mass destruction, is inevitable, and there are only 30 days to go until it occurs!
The minister preaches to his congregation. “Listen” he says passionately, “this is it! You have only 30 days left in which to repent, because after that we’ll all be gone, and if you didn’t use out the time to repent, then you will be destined to...
The priest issued a similar message. “There are only 30 days left, it is your last chance to turn to G-d during your lifetime. After that, all will be over”.
And in the little shul, the Rabbi gets up and speaks earnestly to his flock. “Listen chevreh”, he tells them, “you heard the forecast, in just 30 days we’ll be under water. That means we have to get to work immediately, - we have just 30 days to figure out how we can survive underwater!”].
R’ Elazar, however, corrected him. ‘Indeed, I’m not crying for any of those reasons, I’m crying, rather, over your beauty, about its destined burial’. He said – it is true that if it’s about myself then whatever is the reason it does not warrant me crying, because I should be doing something about it. But about a problem that I witness by someone else, - there, even something relatively minor is cause for me to cry.
Indeed, Rabi Elazar explained, I am not crying about myself, but about you!
Rabi Yochanan heard this, and agreed and accepted it. While there is never a reason to cry about oneself, there can also be reason enough to cry over the churban of another. ‘If you, Rabi Elazar, are crying over the churban – the burial and being swallowed up by the earth – of Rabi Yochanan, then you are right to cry’. ‘In that case’, Rabi Yochanan said to him, ‘I will join you, and I will take your lesson to heart. I will cry over your three problems, just as you cry over mine!’.
They cried together. Rabi Elazar over what he perceived as a churban for Rabi Yochanan, and Rabi Yochanan over the challenges of Rabi Elazar.
Just as in this week’s parsha:
ויפול על צווארי בנימין אחיו ויבך ובנימין בכה על צוואריו!
We all are experiencing the greatest churban imaginable, - the fact that we are still in golus. It is as if we are witnessing the churban of the beis hamikdash with our own eyes, as we are taught כל מי שלא נבנה בית המקדש בימיו כאילו נחרב בימיו. One might see that as a legitimate reason to cry our hearts out. But the Rebbe teaches us – no! What will be achieved by your tears? If you, in fact, appreciate the enormity of the churban, then get to work, start building!
Many remember a Shabbos, in 5751, after numerous sichos in which the Rebbe urged us to do something about bringing the geula. On that occasion, during the Rebbe’s farbrengen on Shabbos, between the sichos, one of the eltere chassidim got up and cried out emotionally that the Rebbe should bring an end to the golus. He exclaimed tearfully: “We are screaming and begging and crying that the Rebbe should bring Moshiach now”.
The Rebbe listened to him, and then responded that a rov needs to rule whether it is permissible to cry on Shabbos. (Rabbi Marlow got up and announced that according to the Alter Rebbe’s shulchan aruch it is forbidden to cry on Shabbos).
The Rebbe taught us, more than anyone else, how to really take to heart the golus and to really really care about Moshiach. This chosid, who cried out from the depths of his heart, was seemingly reacting to the sichos that he was hearing from the Rebbe, especially in that era. And yet, the Rebbe negated his declaration. Perhaps the message was the above: Of course we need Moshiach now, but that is all the more reason not to cry about it, but to do something about it (and something else and something else), - to build the beis hamikdash!
Now we are in the 7 days following hey teves, a time that the Rebbe described as yemei segulah and an eis ratzon. Surely this is an even better time than any for us to get to work, not to cry over the churban and the golus, but to eliminate it and reverse it and replace it with the rebuilt beis hamikdash and Moshiach Now!
L’chaim! May we all use the eis ratzon of Didan Notzach to win over and defeat the last traces of golus, and may the Eibishter bring about the final and complete and ultimate nitzachon with the immediate hisgalus of Moshiach Tzidkeinu NOW!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
לזכות ב"ש דבן מרים,'שיט"לאויוש מתוך בריאות הנכונה ס"וכ ט בטוב! ג"הנרו הנ לזכות ת"הרה אהרן בן, חנה ק"ל רפושוט" ואויוש לזכות ח"הרה' רמ" מהכהן בן, חוה ש"ל רפו ובריאות הנכונה ט" ואויוש
