Only The One Who Created Us Knows What We Need
We have spoken previously about the three of seven elements that are required for one to place his trust in a person or entity completely. The fourth element is that the one in whom we trust knows what is truly good for us in addition to desiring to help us, being unstoppable in helping us, and knowing that he will certainly do what is good for us.
We must feel that this person knows precisely what is good for us, even those things that are hidden from ordinary people. He knows precisely what is good for us and what is not good for us, inside and out. If he doesn’t know this, says the Chovos HaLevavos, the nefesh of a person cannot and will not rely upon him. For even if he really wants to help me... and even if he occupies himself day and night with helping me... but if he doesn’t know what my benefit is, how can I rely upon him? It doesn’t do anything for me that he loves me and does for me... he may in fact make things worse!
A Good Doctor Must Know What’s Really Doing
In Pas Lechem, a commentary on the Chovos HaLevavos, the author presents a parable for this. Imagine a doctor who loves his patient very much but doesn’t know exactly what’s doing with his patient. This doctor not only can’t heal this patient, he may actually make him worse! He thinks the problem is in the heart, and he operates there, when the issue is in fact in another area of his body entirely. This physician has only made things worse because he doesn’t know what this person really needs.
If we’re going to rely on someone, we must be sure that he knows precisely what we’re lacking and that he knows how to fix it. This is a major yesod in bitachon without which it’s impossible to trust.
However, if an entity 1-knows what’s good for me, 2- has the ability to do what is good for me, 3- has great mercy and compassion for me, and 4- constantly looks out for me—then a person or entity can be properly relied upon.
The Creator Knows What’s Good for The Creation
The Chovos HaLevavos will later explain that the only one who knows what’s good for a person, and what is not good for him, is the Ribbono shel Olam. Because He is the One who created us, and the one who has created something knows what’s good and what isn’t good for that creation.
The craftsman who created a window knows precisely why he has placed a window somewhere. He knows which materials were used in its creation, and he knows what will be good for its long-term endurance—for he has built it! And this applies to a mere mortal who didn’t actually create the materials, he has only brought them together to fashion the window. How much more so does the Ribbono shel Olam, Who has created us all from nothing, know what is good for us now and in the future.
He Doesn’t Need Our Ideas
This yesod must be reiterated, in addition to the other elements we have mentioned. The Ribbono shel Olam knows better than anyone in the world what is good for us. And when we internalize this fact, it will bring us a great feeling of bitachon, a feeling that we can rely on Hashem Who knows better than the greatest experts, and better than the wisest people in the world, what is good for us. He has better ideas for our benefit than anything we can ever fathom. He is the only One who knows better than anyone what is good for us.
How often does it happen that a person wishes to help his friend. He suggests a shidduch that he thinks is great, but he doesn’t really know what his friend’s child needs. He pushes the shidduch, and holds back some information (or maybe obfuscates information), all to move the shidduch forward. But he doesn’t really know what’s good for that child, and this ends up bringing much suffering to all involved, R”l.
A friend may offer to help find a yeshiva for his friend’s son, but he doesn’t really know what this boy needs. He thinks he knows. And this will only bring heartache, disappointment, and failure, despite his best intentions. Only the Ribbono shel Olam truly knows what is truly good for us.
Serenity in Life
The same applies to many areas of life. A Yid must repeat and reiterate, day and night, that no one in the world knows what he really needs, including himself! I may think I know what’s good for me.... I may tell myself that I know which Yeshiva my son needs to attend... I may be under the impression that my son needs such-and-such a shidduch.... But when we think about it, we will understand that it’s highly unlikely we truly know and understand what we need.
Do we know ourselves from before we were born? Do we have an inkling of our past incarnations? Only the Ribbono Shel Olam knows our past and our future, thus knows what is best for us, and indeed does everything for our true and lasting benefit.
The more a Yid believes this, the more serenity he will feel. The Ribbono shel Olam knows what’s good for me in the deepest way! I don’t need to tell Him anything, and I don’t need to share my plans with him. He knows better than I do what I need, and I can rely on Him completely.
Don’t Ask for Money!
The Chidushei Harim of Ger once had a chossid who had been very wealthy before his fortunes reversed and he became very poor. He had relatives in a distant city who had the ability to help him, and he considered traveling there to ask for their assistance. But when he came to take leave of the Rebbe, he was told not to travel to his relatives.
“Can I at least write them a letter?” he asked.
“No,” said the Rebbe.
Some time passed, and he returned to the Chidushei HaRim once again. He explained that his situation has only become more dire in the interim, but the Rebbe still forbade him from going or even writing.
When the situation became downright unbearable, seeing the suffering of his wife and children, he went ahead and wrote to his relatives. Indeed, a short time later, they began sending him money regularly, helping the family out of their dark hole.
Life or Money
Soon thereafter, this Yid became very ill, and he deteriorated day after day. He was so sick and weak he couldn’t even go to the Rebbe himself. Instead, he sent a messenger to mention his name to the Rebbe.
When the Rebbe heard his plight, he went quiet for a few moments, and then he said, “You should know that when a person is destined to leave this world, he can redeem himself through poverty, for, as we know, כמת חשוב עני, a pauper is considered like a dead person. If this person is poor, he may continue to live, even if it has been ordained that he should leave this world. This Yid is alive solely due to his poverty, and this why I didn’t allow him to seek help. But he didn’t listen...”
This story teaches us that sometimes, a person may struggle with a certain situation for his entire life. He does everything in his power to change the situation, because he’s truly uncomfortable, but the Ribbono Shel Olam knows better than we do what is good for us. And for this reason, He leaves things this way, for this is truly in our best interest.
When Difficulties Prolong Our Very Lives
Life-Giving Challenges
Rav Tzadok HaKohen of Lublin writes an incredible yesod in Divrei Sofrim (6): “Life isn’t considered life only when a person feels serenity in his life and isn’t mired in suffering and challenges. However, when death has been ordained for a person, R”l, and HaKadosh Baruch Hu doesn’t want death, but rather repentance, a person may be spared from his fate through his suffering and lack of serenity, by which he is deemed as though he is no longer alive, until he returns to Hashem, and then the One Who gives life will surely give him long life.” Thus, aggravation and suffering may be the greatest blessing, and responsible for the fact that a person is still alive.
Sometimes, a person struggles with poverty and debt. He can’t seem to finish with it, he borrows and repays. He tries to earn more money, he davens, he has bitachon, but he can’t seem to shake it off. He should know this may be saving his life! The Ribbono Shel Olam is doing what is best for him. If he would know the truth, he would singing and dancing that he’s in debt, for this is what’s keeping him alive.
Uncounted Years
Rav Tzadok adds that the years spent in suffering and aggravation, since they aren’t considered life, don’t count for the years he has been allotted to live. Only the years of serenity count for this. And so, the suffering may be prolonging his years on this earth.
And so, a person may be alive for many years, fulfilling Torah and mitzvos, and experiencing great nachas from his family, but these years aren’t counted, since he struggled and suffered. Thus, he shouldn’t have been aggravated by his yisurim; they were the greatest blessing for him.
If we keep this in mind, it will infuse in us tremendous bitachon and joy and serenity.
Hold Onto Your Suffering
The holy Rebbe Avraham HaMalach (a son of the Maggid of Mezrich) had two chassidim who would come to him frequently together. Each of them had a terrible situation which they couldn’t seem to shake off. One of them had a wife who caused him constant heartache and aggravation, but the Rebbe didn’t allow him to divorce her.
The second chassid has ten thousand rubles of debt, and his creditors pursued him relentlessly. He had one piece of property, which he could have sold to pay off his debts. But here too, the Rebbe didn’t allow him to do this.
And so, these two chassidim remained suffering from their respective tzaros, unburdening constantly to the Rebbe regarding their ache. But the tzaddik refused to allow them a way out of the tzaros.
Falling Ill
One day, the poor Yid could handle the pressure no longer, and he caved, selling the property and satisfying his debts. But immediately thereafter, he fell ill and was confined to bed. He asked his friend to travel immediately to the Rebbe and mention him for a speedy recovery.
When he walked into the Rebbe’s room, he was asked, “Where is your friend? Don’t you always come together with him?”
He answered that his friend was too ill to travel, and he was here to mention his name before the Rebbe.
Alive Because of His Debts
When the tzaddik heard he had sold the property, he sighed deeply and explained:
“I don’t usually reveal such things, but I will now tell you why I didn’t allow him to sell his property. The pasuk in Iyov tells us אלה כל הן גבר עם שלוש פעמים אל יפעל , Behold, Hashem does all these things with man two or three times to bring back his soul from the grave to bask in the light of the living. The Zohar HaKadosh explains that there’s a limit to how many times a soul can return to this world to rectify and repair—up to three times.
However, the Ribbono shel Olam is all-merciful, and He does want rectification for every soul, therefore He will send down even such a neshamah which has already returned more than three times. However, in order to be able to live, he is given a difficult life, a life that isn’t really life, all so he should live and repair that which he needs to. This Yid, your friend, thought he was attaining peace and serenity, but he ended up parting with his passport to life.
This yesod is brought by many tzaddikim. The Ribbono Shel Olam knows what’s good for us, and there’s no use in going to war with reality. In only adds pain and aggravation when we try to avoid what is meant to happen in any case. But if we understand that everything has been done for our good, because this is what’s best for me, we will be much calmer and more serene. Of course we must daven for revealed good, but as long as things are challenging and difficult, it is because Hashem knows that this is what’s good for us. In fact, it may be our only merit to be alive!
The World Is 100 Perfect
Nothing More Perfect Than a Challenge
Only the Ribbono shel Olam understands how He has designed His world. Sometimes, we look at a situation, and we say, “It’s such a shame. If I could only move this here and that there, everyone would be happy. The world would be perfect.” But the truth is that the Ribbono shel Olam has already created a perfect world, and this is its perfection!
He has created each of our souls, and every neshamah has a root and a source and a precise mission which it must accomplish in this world.
The things we see which we think are out of order are in fact the most perfect thing for our nesahmos. Just as we understand that there’s nothing straighter than a tilted ladder, and there’s nothing more whole than a broken heart, we must understand that there’s nothing more perfect than a challenge designed by the Ribbono shel Olam. It’s perfection itself.
Here for His Struggling Child
Sometimes, we look at a family which seems perfect—except for one thing. This Yid has a beautiful parnasah, he learns and he davens, and he has wonderful and esteemed children. But one child struggles very much. Someone looking at this situation may think: what a shame. Imagine if this child would conduct himself the way he should, it would be so beautiful, mamash a kiddush Hashem!
But the Ribbono Shel Olam says, “If this kid would be perfect, I have nothing from his father’s entire existence on this earth! This is the sole reason he has come to this world!” If not for this struggling child, his father wouldn’t even be here. The struggle is the point! It is in fact the diamond in the crown of this family.
Animated by Aggravation
A Yid has a family, and everything is going swimmingly when they’re blessed with a sick child, R”l, and everything becomes such a struggle from there. The family is consumed day and night with caring for this child. This father is so broken as he says, “What did I need all this for? Everything was going so well! I could have gone on learning and davening with serenity and happiness. I feel like I am losing my very sanity as a result of this child.”
The answer is that this child should not cost the father his sanity or his health. Yes, he’s very preoccupied with this child, and he suffers aggravation and struggle. But keep in mind that this child may be the very reason for your existence.
With Precision—for Your Good and Your Pleasure
Chazal tell us (Shabbos 156a) that every person is born with a mazal with which he will live his entire life. This is far beyond anything we can comprehend. A person may be ehrlich and pious, good, honest, holy and pure, with emunah and bitachon and still need to endure tremendous struggles, because his neshamah descended to this world for the purpose of going though that situation. He is rectifying something through this.
Especially after the sin of the הדעת עץ, when there’s a tremendous confusion of good and bad, and each of us must enter the realms of darkness to find the Ribbono Shel Olam there thereby removing the sparks הקדושים (ניצוצות) that must be repaired from those places. We must endure situations of darkness, and there remember that there’s a Ribbono Shel Olam on this world. This is how we repair the entire creation, our very neshamos, and draw down the greatest gifts for ourselves.
When we internalize this, it brings us great serenity. This is how it must be! The Ribbono Shel Olam knows better than me, and this is surely for my benefit.
If the Ribbono Shel Olam Doesn’t Want...
The holy Sar Shalom of Belz once encountered a pauper with torn clothing, and accorded him tremendous honor—beyond what he usually afforded to anyone. The chassidim wondered about this. Among them was the Rebbe’s son, Rav Shie’le, the Mitteler Belzer Ruv, but he said nothing.
Later, the Rebbe turned to his son, and said, “Surely you’re wondering about my behavior earlier. You should know that this man is versed in the entire Torah, in every area of Torah, and he could be a prominent and esteemed rav in any large community. Alas, his lot is to make the rounds, collecting for himself, and have nothing to live off. Do you know why? Because, if the Master of the World doesn’t want it, it won’t happen.”
The Sar Shalom continued. “If not a prominent rav, he could at least be an esteemed dayan in any kehillah. Why must he make the rounds collecting for his bread? It must be, he concluded, that if the Master of the World doesn’t want it, it won’t happen.
If not a Dayan, he could at least be a maggid in any kehillah. Still,” he concluded, “if the Master of the World doesn’t want it, it won’t happen.”
In later years, when Rav Shie’ele would relate the story, he would say, “I often wondered... my father supported so many talmidei chachamim who sat and learned in his beis medrash, why wouldn’t he just give this Yid a salary to sit and learn in his Beis Medrash as well.
It must be,” concluded the Mitteler Belzer Ruv, “that if the Master of the World doesn’t want it, it won’t happen.”
