“He fell upon Benjamin’s neck and wept and Benjamin wept upon his neck. And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them.”
The story of Joseph and his brothers reaches its climax in Parashat Vayigash when Judah approaches Joseph and surrenders himself as a servant in place of Benjamin, so that Benjamin can return home to Jacob unharmed. When Joseph sees Judah’s dedication to protecting Benjamin and his remorse for wishing to harm Joseph so many years ago, he is unable to contain his tears and weeps before his brothers saying, “I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?” Joseph’s revelation to his brothers was accompanied by weeping. It is not the first time that we read of Joseph weeping, nor the last. A few verses later we read how Joseph “...fell upon Benjamin’s neck and wept and Benjamin wept upon his neck. And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them.” All in all, the verb “and he wept” (ְּךְבֵּיַו) appears seven times in the Torah with reference to Joseph—more than any other Biblical figure.
Joseph in Egypt was famed for his great wisdom. Practically speaking, he was a king; a ruler who governed a land and its people with the same restraint with which he controlled his own inclinations. Although one might imagine that such a wise and influential man would be stern and unsympathetic, here it becomes clear that Joseph could be deeply emotional. Normally, he controlled his emotions, directing them with restraint, but he was by no means cold or removed.
But is weeping merely a release of pent-up emotions or does it signify something more?
The First Weepers
As with any concept that we meditate upon in depth, to discover the real meaning of tears, we need to analyze every phenomenon of weeping in the Torah, beginning with the first instance.
Hagar, Sarah’s handmaiden, was the first to weep in the Torah. Banished from Abraham’s household, she wandered through the wilderness with her son Ishmael. After their water supply was drained, she left the child under a bush and walked away to avoid seeing his inevitable death. As the tragic moment approached “she raised her voice and wept.” Hagar’s weeping was an expression of her total despair and dejection. The Torah’s inner dimension explains that the impure husks thrive on depression and tears whereas holiness has an affinity to those who serve God with joy. The first appearance of many phenomena in the Torah is often negative and unrefined. This is true in the case of Hagar’s weeping too.
Abraham also wept when Sarah died, “Abraham came and eulogized Sarah and wept for her.” Weeping over his wife’s death is a proper reaction; indeed, Jewish law encourages shedding tears upon hearing that a virtuous individual has passed away. The mourner’s tears express respect for the deceased and stimulate emotional healing for the bereaved. When a loved one passes away, it is not a time to resolutely hold back one’s tears. If social norms tend to encourage such restraint, they need to be reconsidered.
The third person to weep in the Torah was Esau. When he learned that Jacob was the recipient of Isaac’s blessing in his place, “Esau raised his voice and cried.” Like the first appearance of weeping, this first appearance of the word “and he wept” (ְּךְבֵּיַו) is also an expression of deep despair.
In its next appearance, weeping swings back to the side of holiness. When Jacob met Rachel, “He raised his voice and wept.” This is a new expression of tears. In each of the three previous examples, weeping was related to some type of loss, but Jacob’s weeping was an expression of intimacy. Fleeing from Esau’s death-threat, Jacob suddenly encountered a kindred soul, a member of his own family, and like someone who has met a long-lost brother, he burst into tears.
The two brothers, Jacob and Esau finally meet in an emotionally charged reunion after years of separation; and they weep together. “Esau ran towards him [Jacob] and hugged him and fell upon his neck and kissed him, and they wept.” However, in this case, it is unclear whether Esau’s kisses and tears were truly whole-hearted, as Rashi comments.
From this point onwards, weeping remains in Jacob’s family, as if it has found its natural abode. Jacob wept when he believed that Joseph had been devoured by a wild animal; “His father wept for him.” This indicates another type of weeping - in sympathy for someone else’s sorrow.
Influential Tears
So far, we have seen four types of weeping:
- negative weeping in despair
- the positive weeping of bereavement
- weeping as an expression of intimacy
- weeping in sympathy with another person’s sorrow.
Joseph’s weeping does not fit into any of these categories. It is an expression of profound compassion, as stated explicitly the second time Joseph weeps, “Joseph made haste because his compassion for his brothers overwhelmed him and he felt a need to weep, and he entered the room and wept there.”
