In what must be one of the most dramatic events in all of Chumash, Yehuda pleads with his brother and asks one more time for Yosef to relent and not keep Binyamin as a prisoner in Egypt, which would minimally cause his father great pain and might even in fact kill him. Yehuda goes through virtually the same story he related at the end of Parshas Miketz, except that this time it has a different ending: “Yosef was not able to hold back... I am Yosef. Is my father still alive?” The Torah’s narration continues: “The brothers were unable to respond to him, because they were frightened in his presence.” (Bereshis 45:1-3)
If Yehuda is merely repeating the same argument that he already advanced in Parshas Miketz, why was he successful this time, whereas he previously failed? I saw two different explanations as to what happened over here that suddenly caused Yosef to stop.
The Ramo in Shulchan Aruch cites (in the name of the Rokeach) that when a person begins to daven (pray) Shemoneh Esrei, he should advance three steps. The source of the Rokeach’s advice is that the word “VaYigash” (and he approached) occurs in relation to prayer three times in Tanach. We learn from here that when someone begins Shemoneh Esrei, he should step forward three steps.
What are the three times? The first time is by Avraham (Bereshis 18:23), when he approaches Hashem to plead that Hashem not destroy Sodom. The third time is by Eliyahu (Melachim I 18:36) when he approaches Hashem in prayer during his confrontation with the prophets of Baal. In both of those places, it is obvious that they were davening. The other time, writes the Rokeach, is our parsha: “Vayigash Elav Yehuda...” (Bereshis 44:18) The Rokeach understands that this was in fact tefillah. Yehuda was not merely speaking to Yosef anymore. He was in fact davening to the Ribono shel Olam.
The lesson we learn here is the following: I am sure Yehuda had already davened. But he davened once again. This is one of the great lessons of tefilla. We can daven and daven and daven, and our tefillos are seemingly not answered, but then there is a breakthrough. This is what the Gemara says (Berachos 32b) that if a person sees that his prayers are not answered, he should daven more. “Hope to Hashem, strengthen yourself and He will give you courage, and hope to Hashem.” (Tehillim 27:14)
The Gemara says that Moshe Rabbeinu davened to Hashem the gematria (numerical equivalent) of the word “Vaeschanan,” which is 515 times! Until Hashem had to insist “...Do not continue to speak to me about this matter.” (Devorim 3:26) Why was Moshe asked to stop praying? The implication is that if he would pray just one more time about the matter, he would be forcing the Hand of Hashem, so to speak, and Hashem would need to let Moshe into Eretz Yisrael.
A similar thing happened here with Yehuda as well. Why did this argument win the day with Yosef, as opposed to all the previous arguments? The answer is that this request came together with another prayer. This was one last tefilla to Hashem that Yosef should have compassion. However, this time, the tefilla was answered.
That is one approach. I saw the other approach in the Ohr Hachaim haKadosh.
The Ohr Hachaim invokes the principle “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.” (Mishlei 27:19). The wisest of all men teaches us a foundational principle in human relations. The way you feel about someone is usually reflective of the way the person feels about you. Just like when someone looks into water, he sees a reflection of his own facial expression, that is the way it works with interpersonal relationships. If you love someone, as a rule, he will love you back. If you can’t stand someone, as a rule, the feeling is mutual.
The Ohr Hachaim haKadosh says that the following is happening here: Up until this point, Yehuda had terrible thoughts about this hard-hearted cruel viceroy of Egypt. He begged him, he told him about their old father, but nothing helped. “I can’t stand this guy. He is such a rasha!” That is how Yehuda and his brothers approached Yosef up until this point. Now, however, Yehuda overcame his feeling of despise. Yehuda knew the secret of “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another” (Mishlei 19:19) and he made it his business, with great effort, to feel and show love and kindness towards this Egyptian viceroy. Yehuda was convinced that if he would manage to feel love and compassion for the viceroy, it would invoke a mutual feeling of compassion in him. And indeed, that is what happened. It worked like a charm.
This was not a simple matter of a person putting a smile on his face. Yehuda needed to work on his deepest emotions to get to the point where that smile was completely genuine. It was hard, but once he did it — “As water reflects a face back to a face, so one’s heart is reflected back to him by another.”
