At the start of Parshas Vayikra, Hashem calls to Moshe Rabbeinu and then speaks to him. Rashi tells us that by first calling to summon Moshe and only then speaking to him, Hashem was demonstrating His affection. By contrast, whenever Hashem spoke to foreign prophets, He “chanced upon them” without any introduction.
The Chiddushei Harim explains that introducing an idea before implementing it is the right approach for everything holy. A mitzvah should be carefully planned before it is put into action. This is also clear from the laws applying to voluntary fasting. If a person specifies his intention to fast in order to do teshuvah for a certain thing, his fast will be’ezras Hashem achieve its purpose. However, if he fasts with no specific intention in mind, it will achieve nothing.
Everything worthwhile needs thoughtful preparation and planning in order to succeed. While acting spontaneously can appear natural and appealing, the truth is that often, it isn’t helpful to “just do it” without first thinking it through. As with so many ideas, balance is key. Not everything spontaneous is suspect, but every concept needs to be implemented in moderation.
It’s not uncommon for “professionals” to encourage couples to avoid anything that happens on the spur of the moment and to carefully schedule all interaction with a spouse. This might be good advice at times, but it is certainly not always applicable or feasible, especially if a spouse is asking to talk about something that genuinely needs addressing. It can be extremely hurtful for a person in such a situation to be told, “I can’t, not now. Let’s set a time for this.” Being overly and artificially formal with someone you love can feel distancing and end up being counterproductive.
We must learn how to avoid both hasty and poorly considered language. By learning to think before we speak, we can avoid so much heartache and maintain healthy, respectful, and loving relationships.
