Writing has its benefits, however. Writing gives you the unique ability to plan ahead without distractions. You can write, rewrite, and edit before sending. And anyone who finds themselves angry or disappointed with someone can draft a letter and set it aside. Schedule a time to send it — a few days, or even a week later. Once the heat of the moment has cooled, you may find you want to tone down the language or rephrase the message. You may even realize that you don’t need to send the letter at all. Or you may decide that a well-thought-out compliment would achieve the purpose more effectively.
Another advantage of writing is that the recipient will almost always read the entire letter. Even the best planned conversations can be waylaid by the other person’s responses, and you may find that important issues you really wanted to discuss were either forgotten due to heightened emotions, or sidelined when the conversation took an unexpected turn. In a letter, you can include absolutely everything you want to say.
Writing can also free a person to express ideas that they find impossible to spell out in words, such as how deeply they care for their spouse, how much they regret something that happened, how much they want to improve a certain situation — all without feeling too embarrassed or vulnerable. Don’t be sparing with your words. If you’re already writing, write as much as you can, inserting as much emotion as you can.
So, now that you are about to write your letter, do so with these considerations in mind. Get the full benefit and avoid the pitfalls.
One last thing to keep in mind is that when choosing to write rather than speak, you should make sure that it’s an enhancement of communication, not a replacement. If you can’t say something in speech, tell your spouse in writing that you really wanted to tell him verbally but you just couldn’t bring yourself to open the discussion in person. Then add that you so much hope your letter will enable you both to have a deep and meaningful conversation.
Don’t hide behind your letter. Make it clear that you are writing in order to improve your relationship, to bring you closer to your husband and not to create distance between you. Proper and effective communication will be’ezras Hashem help solve problems and enhance our relationships.
