Of course, there is a time and a place for a potch, and anyone who says that a potch is never justified is contradicting Chazal who explicitly say otherwise.
But Chazal also caution us to take into account the reaction of a child to a potch before giving it. This is true of any method but much more so with a potch. Chazal stress that a parent should not strike an older child, and the meforshim add that the temperament of the child must also be taken into account, even before they officially become over-age for the potch. Even if the child is still young, if you know that a potch will be counterproductive, don’t give it.
Another thing to consider before giving a potch is whether the behavior you are trying to stop is truly dangerous, or just wrong and frustrating. If a child has grabbed someone’s cookie, for instance, and refuses to give it back, it’s not urgent for you to hit him to get him to obey you. Nothing terrible will happen if he quickly stuffs the cookie into his mouth and it takes another few months (or years) to really grasp the idea that “mine is mine and yours is yours.”
In genuinely dangerous situations, of course, a potch is definitely a valid response. But regardless of which consequence is called for, ideally, a child will know in advance that doing A will lead to B. This means, of course, that A always leads to B, even if the parent is too tired to implement the set consequence or is feeling indulgent and inclined to give the child a pass “just this once.” It also means that if the child is doing something that isn’t A, then B isn’t indicated, even if the parent is tired, distracted, or frustrated.
A potch given in anger is almost certain to be out of place, because an angry parent is out of control and incapable of judging whether the potch is warranted. If you know (or assume) that when you calm down, you’re going to regret that potch, don’t give it.
In general, when it comes to consequences and punishments, aside from making sure they’re outnumbered by positive messages and vibes, it’s important to be consistent. If a child knows when to expect a given punishment as well as why he is getting it, even if he doesn’t agree, at least it isn’t confusing and will often not be taken personally. However, if there’s no clarity or predictability, your child will almost certainly end up hurt, which will take you further from your chinuch goals.
