We begin with a possuk in Mishlei: י≈נ¿זָ‡¿ּב ̃יƒזֲחַמב∆לָכ – It is like taking hold of the ears of a dog, ר≈בֹעֹלו ‡ֹּל יבƒר לַﬠ ר≈ּבַﬠ¿ ̇מ – when a passerby becomes incensed over a quarrel which is not his (26:17).
Shlomo Hamelech wants to warn us here against getting involved in a quarrel that doesn’t involve you; and in order to wake up the reader, to stimulate his mind to perceive the danger involved, Shlomo draws for us a picture. It’s not just a person grabbing onto a machlokes that he didn’t need; it’s a person grabbing onto the ears of a barking dog.
Oh, that’s something else already! To grab onto the ears of a dog that scared you?! That’s quite foolish; it’s a decision you’ll regret because you’re stuck now. For a moment maybe it seems like a solution because his fangs can’t reach you; but you’re in a big dilemma now. The dog is infuriated with you – a dog doesn’t like it when you grab its ears and so if you let go you’ll probably get that bite you were afraid of. But you can’t stay there forever; sooner or later you must let go. You’re going to have to go to sleep; and you might have to use the bathroom sooner than that. So you’re stuck now. It’s hard to continue holding the ears but it’s still worse to let go.
That’s the picture Mishlei wants us to consider if you’re ever tempted to stick your nose into an argument that doesn’t involve you. It’s more than your nose in a place where it doesn’t belong; it’s a nose that’s going to get bitten. And not a little bite; the bite of a wild dog. That’s the great benefit of Shlomo Hamelech’s meshalim; the mashal gives a picture, it gives life to the principle involved.
Learning the Mashal
Now, as has been said here before, when learning Mishlei we have to utilize the lesson of the mashal itself. Even though the nimshal is most important, the mashal in and of itself is extremely valuable as well and it was intended that we should use it. The truth is if you study Mishlei just for the mashal alone, you’re already a fortunate person. Even though you won’t investigate what he really wants to tell you, the mashal alone is a valuable teaching.
And you shouldn’t scorn that; it may come in handy someday. Who knows when you might be confronted by such a situation? You might be carelessly walking down the avenue one day and be confronted by a growling dog – a dog comes too close to your trousers and begins barking – and you’re worried; you’re thinking, “Maybe he’ll bite me.” And sometimes he does! I remember when I was bitten by a dog once in East Flatbush. My neighbor, an Irishman, had a big dog that bit my leg. So it could happen; a dog is barking and you’re nervous, scared, and you want to grab him by his ears to keep his teeth away.
“Oh no! Don’t do that!” says Mishlei. Some other idea maybe, but to grab his ears no, that’s very irresponsible; because you’ll be sorry. It’s no solution because after that you’re stuck.
Learning the Nimshal
Now as valuable as that information may be, it’s a mashal after all. Mishlei is telling us more than that. And so we’ll have to look at the possuk again but this time we’ll look at the second part of the possuk too: ב∆לָכ י≈נ¿זָ‡¿ּב ̃יƒזֲחַמ – The fool who grabs onto the ears of a dog, that’s the same as ר≈ּבַﬠ¿ ̇ƒמ ר≈בֹעֹלו ‡ֹּל יבƒר לַﬠ – somebody who gets involved in a quarrel that’s not his business (ibid.).
Let’s say you’re walking down Ocean Parkway minding your own business and you see two bums fighting in the street. You’re a passerby; it’s none of your business. But you want to be a hero and act like a big peacemaker. So you walk in the middle and say, “Boys, don’t fight. Let’s be adults here.” Now both start tumbling you.
What’s it your business? Two bums fighting? Let them pummel each other. We wish them both brachah v’hatzlachah. It’s a ֹלו ‡ֹּל יבƒר, it’s a fight that’s not yours and so you’re a fool if you grab onto the ears of that dog, that fight, and allow yourself to become embroiled.
Vu Ein, Vu Ois
Now every case is different. You have to know vu ein, vu ois, where to apply it. Of course, if you have a certain authority, you’re on a pedestal and you can speak down to them and help them to make peace, very good. When your children fight, absolutely, you should get involved. Children have to learn to get along. I understand that children always are fighting and still you should always mix in, constantly. Talk to them about shalom; tell them that יםƒעָּנ הַמּו בֹוּט הַמ ה≈ּנƒה, there’s nothing as beautiful in the eyes of Hashem as םַּ‚ יםƒחַ‡ ̇∆ב∆ׁ̆„ַחָי, when siblings get along.
You must get involved because your house is the place where you train them for life. If you train them to get along in the house, they’ll be able to get along later with their wives and with their mechutanim and with their business partners and with their employers and with everybody else. And so you must talk and talk and talk; sof kol sof something goes into his little head. Say, “Chaim, you should love your brother.” To him it’s a joke – love your brother? Smack! He smacks his little brother. Keep getting involved; keep speaking to your children always about shalom and achdus with their brothers. After a while it will penetrate. It goes in.
And even with adults if you’re capable of pouring water on the situation and calming the participants, ֹרו≈בֲחַל םָ„ָ‡ ין≈ּב םֹלוָׁ̆ ַ̇‡ָבֲה is a mitzvah. It’s a big mitzvah to make peace between people. Let’s say there’s a husband and a wife in your neighborhood who are fighting, or two neighbors, or two people in the shul; so if you’re a good peacemaker and you have some measure of authority go ahead. But otherwise keep away! And no matter what, don’t get embroiled by taking sides.
No Justice, No Peace
Also, sometimes an injustice is being done, a wicked man committing injustice on an innocent person, and you’re the only one who can help. Let’s say you’ll go out in the street at night and you’ll see somebody trying to mug an innocent person. There’s nobody else to save him and you happen to be well-armed. You carry with you a knife and you’re strong and you know karate and you know, you’re absolutely sure that you’re able to save that man. So then it could be that you must do something.
But Mishlei is talking here not about those situations that require your input. He’s talking about two people arguing and nobody is completely right – usually that’s how it is in an argument. And so it’s better to just move along and mind your own business. That’s Mishlei’s good advice: ‘Don’t seize onto the ears of that argument!’ Because once you become embroiled, once you take sides in somebody’s quarrel, you are acquiring for yourself an unearned enemy. And when you take hold of that enemy’s ears, you cannot let go.
Letting Go of the Ears
The truth is even when you think you’re already involved you have to know how to not grab on. You can train yourself to turn around, to ignore, instead of grabbing on. You have to imagine that you’re only a passerby; keep on moving along.
I was walking home from shul – this was more than ten years ago – with a group of people and there was a gang of goyim in the street. They were always there but this time one of them started fighting with one of my men. I have a tough fellow in my shul and the goy started up with the wrong one and now they’re wrestling; they’re duking it out on the street.
So the police started coming. At least fifteen police cars came, fifteen without a guzma. On all sides the neighborhood was screaming with sirens. And the sergeant came over to me and asked me if we wanted to press charges.
So I was thinking about this possuk and I was considering the options; and I told the policeman that I didn’t want to do that. And I walked over near to where the goyim were standing and I said out loud, “We want to be friends with these people.” I said it loudly they should all hear. I said, “Let him go. We’re OK with them.”
Make Peace, Not War
People forget that there’s a command of the Chachomim of darkei shalom. We have to live in peace with gentiles; we want to live in peace with the whites and the negroes and the Chinese and the Irish. And even if they say things sometimes, even if they make trouble sometimes, be careful not to seize the ears of that dog. Learn to swallow down the insult and go home. Because what’ll happen otherwise? The courts aren’t going to be much help. And even if you’ll win out, sometimes they come back and make even more trouble. A Jew shouldn’t go and tcheppe back against a goy; it’s grabbing the ears of a dog.
Now, the policeman wasn’t so happy. He already had the hoodlum by the hand and this young policeman wanted to have at least one arrest to his credit and here was a chance. It was a white boy too; a white boy is a good one to arrest. The other ones, not so much.
But I made a public demonstration about it. I said, “We want to be on good terms with these boys. Let him alone.”
And the policeman said to him, “You see how lucky you are. This rabbi wants to be peaceful with you.” And that’s how the incident ended. From now on when I walk on the street, the same gang is there and everything is quiet. It pays to be on good terms with the gentile neighbors.
Of course, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stand up for your rights. There are good ways of doing it, wise ways and even forceful ways. I say forceful with an accent on the word force, but it’s not to be administered by recklessness. You need sage counsel. Because among the considerations, one of the important ones is this one: ‘Don’t grab onto the ears of a dog.’
A Dog in the House
In the house, a husband and wife surely have to make use of that advice. Something happened? Someone said something that shouldn’t have been said? Don’t grab onto those ears. Move along! No matter what happens, the routine of married life should never be interrupted. She should always continue to prepare meals; never go on strike, no matter what. Even though she’s boiling with indignation, she should stand at the gas range and prepare the meals just like always. Anything less than that is grabbing onto the ears of a dog, an argument, that will be hard to let go of.
A husband should never refuse, because of a peeve, to give money to his wife, “This week, I’m not giving you anything.” Whether it’s regular money, or money that she needs for any particular purpose and she comes to him. That has to go on always, without any interruption. Never grab onto the ears of a dog by doing something that changes the regular routine of married life.
That’s the great admonition of Shlomo Hamelech! In all areas of life don’t grab onto the ears of a dog because you’ll get more and more embroiled. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble.
