Breaking the News
The question is, how do we break it to this person? How do we broach the topic to the ba’al ga’avah? By the time the shadchan for his children’s shidduchim breaks the issue to him—telling him, “Get off your high horse... you won’t get the shidduchim that you think you deserve”—it is a brutal awakening. A person could be sitting with a number of older singles at home, R”l, and sometimes the impediment to their shidduchim is very clear: He is a ba’al ga’avah.
This person suffers twofold: Many of his problems come because of his ga’avah, and when he davens for his problems, his tefillah isn’t a true tefillah, because it is laced with self-entitlement and hubris—thus preventing the salvation from coming.
Seeking Healing
If we would try to send this person for treatment by an expert in healing people with hubris, he would likely look at you and say, “It seems you didn’t understand. My problem is not ga’avah... my problem is that we can’t find shidduchim for my children. Why are you sending me to a ga’avah doctor?!” Similarly, he will say, “I have an issue: I don’t understand my learning. Why are you talking to me about ga’avah? Everyone has certain things that they don’t feel a taste in... and, unfortunately, Torah learning is something that I can’t connect to! But what does ga’avah have to do with this?”
Were a person to come to the recognition that his lack of success is rooted in his ga’avah, he would look at the matter differently... and he would search mightily for someone who can heal him from it. Indeed, the matter requires a healer. The Rambam writes that a person must seek out a healer of the nefesh, a spiritual healer.
The Rambam is telling us: You must understand that a person has illnesses and ailments that paralyze his inner organs. His heart doesn’t work properly... his mind doesn’t work properly. His inner ratzon could have elevated him to lofty levels, but he is stuck with thoughts and attitudes of ga’avah. When he understands this, he will search for ways to heal himself.
