Crisis Control
Now, what do we learn from this? We learn the supreme importance of being calm at all times. Lack of peace of mind robs a person of the ability to serve Hashem. Of course if you never use your mind anyhow, if you’re just a robot Jew, then it might not matter so much. But for the Jew who wants to be an eved Hashem it’s very important never to get so excited about some problem, some difficulty, that you are buffeted and lose control of the steering wheel.
But let’s face the truth; let’s put all our cards on the table. The truth is it happens. Nobody is perfect and the yetzer doesn’t let up—you might forget about him but he doesn’t forget about you. And therefore although I'm sure everybody here lives a normal well-ordered life, sometimes in everybody's lives a crisis arises—little crises, bigger crises—and the truth is it happens to a certain extent constantly. And so it pays to plan a counter strategy.
Shlomo’s Advice
And therefore we’ll listen to what Shlomo Hamelech said on this subject, to the voice of wise experience. In Koheles (10:4) it states as follows: ... When the spirit of the one who has power, it means the yetzer hara, will rise up against you, ... do not leave your place.
Now we have to listen prayerfully to these words. But not only listen—if you'll remember these words at that time, they will be of inestimable benefit to you. Because it’s rule number one, the first counter-strategy when the yetzer of confusion comes up against you: ... Don’t leave your place! When something unexpected comes into your life, don't forsake your place. Because that's what he wants. His purpose is not merely to get you confused. That’s a tzarah in itself but it's also what comes after the confusion that counts. He wants you to do something rash, something that will upend your accomplishments, your stability.
Chanukah Fireworks
Just for illustration, I’ll say a story. It’s out of the ordinary but it will illustrate the idea. Let’s say you were at a family get together, a Chanukah party, and something happened—it should never happen but let’s say your father-in-law said something untoward and you lost your head and you took a swing at your father-in-law. You gave him a wallop in the jaw in public. And your father-in-law obligingly dropped to the floor in a faint.
All of a sudden everything turns black before you. You lost yourself and it was in public! Had you done it in secrecy, you could have denied it, but there were twenty witnesses including your wife and your wife's mother. Ooh wah! Now what?!
So the first instinct is to scram, to disappear. And it suits the picture too. In righteous indignation you’ll stamp out of your father-in-law’s house and grab the first taxi. But you’re lost now and you don’t know what to do. How can you go back and face people? Also, maybe your shver will get the police involved; he’ll press charges. Your mind is already unmoored.
Lost in Louisiana
And can you go home and face your wife when she shows up? So you go straight to Penn Station and you buy a ticket to anyplace; the first bus out. And you end up ten hours later somewhere let's say in Louisiana, in a small town.
Oh, now you’re in trouble. It’s not easy to go back home again from Louisiana. Had you listened to Shlomo’s advice you would’ve stayed and apologized. Or second best, if you went home at least and let your wife come home later and berate you, that’s also good. And don't answer back, by the way. Say, “I was a silly fool.” And to show that you really mean it, bang your head against the wall a few times. Not too hard, but do it.
And so they'll criticize you. They’ll talk about you and shake their heads and be angry at you, but they'll sleep it over that night and the next morning they'll get up with a strong grudge against you but you'll live it down. You'll live it down. You'll even live to say l’chaim with your father-in-law when the next child is born. You'll live it down. But if you picked up and left, that’s the real problem. Then you dug yourself a hole—you and the yetzer hara together—that you might not be able to get out of.
The Mechitzah Meltdown
You think such a thing can’t happen? I’ll tell you a true story. Once a chosson, a yeshiva man, was at his wedding and his shver didn’t want the mechitzah. The father-in-law wanted the women and men should be without a mechitzah. But this yeshiva man couldn't take it down; it was a shame for him, that all his chaveirim will see there's no mechitzah. But his father-in-law was pressing him, ‘We don't want a mechitzah. We’re going to take it down.” Back and forth, back and forth.
So finally the chosson gave a smack to his father-in-law! In public! ... It was a terrible thing.
But he remembered the advice. And he stayed. He fell down on his knees and he wept. That’s included in ... It was an act; he fell down on the floor and wept to his father-in-law. “I'm so sorry, my shver.” And he shed fake tears. The father-in-law was so touched he said, “I forgive you.”
Otherwise, it would be a ruination! In the middle of the chasuna the father-in-law would say, “We want a get. I don't want my daughter to marry him.” But this yeshiva man, he right away began to paste the pieces together. The pieces were broken already but he pasted them together.
That’s a big yeshuah already. No matter how bad the situation is, it's never too bad that you're not able to mend it. That’s included in ... don’t leave your place. The first thing is pick up your father-in-law and start sobbing that you're sorry. That's the best way. Pick up the pieces immediately and start mending them.
The Venezuelan Vacation
Otherwise... otherwise... ay yah yay. Here is a man who lives together with his father-in-law and his mother-in-law. A true story. The father-in-law was a big lamdan. This man was a yeshiva man but not a big lamdan. And whatever he did, his father-in-law put him down, showed he was wrong. A true story. He felt he was in a prison.
So one day he exploded. A certain incident happened; his father-in-law paskened something not like him and he became so angry he exploded. He went out of the house and he decided he's going to leave town. He won't come home anymore. “I'm going to get even with them!” And he took a plane out of the country.
Now the plane landed, let's say, in Venezuela. Now he's off the plane and a stranger in a foreign place. What should he do? The first thing is he should take a ticket back again, no question about it. He should come straight back. Your wife will say, “Where were you last night?”
“I had to be away someplace on business. A big money deal came up last minute so I had to go.”
But he didn't do it. He allowed that foolish decision that he made in a moment of panic to continue. Now, once he was away a couple of days then there's trouble already. Now he decided he made a mistake. Also he wanted to eat yoshon. He doesn’t eat chodosh and there was no yoshon there. He wants to come back. He stayed there for some time, a couple of weeks. Then he called up.
“Where are you?!”
“Venezuela.”
“Venezuela?! What are you doing there, you meshugene? Stay there. Stay there.”
Stop While You’re Behind
And that's the end of the story. His wife wouldn’t let him come back anymore. He lost his wife. He lost his children. He was a decent man but now he pulled loose from his moorings. Whatever he became, he became, but he's not the same man at all. He's lost. Maybe someday he'll come back to himself but look at what he ruined. His children are no longer his children. His wife in the meantime has driven him out of her heart. And many times not only his Judaism is destroyed but his status as a decent human being is destroyed. And that was the objective of the yetzer hara, to ruin this man. When a husband leaves his home, when a father leaves the home, that's what the yetzer hara wants. What's going to happen to the children? That's what he wants.
So the wise person says “No, ... I don’t have to be such a big rasha.” That’s an important rule by the way. Let’s say somebody is beating up another person in anger; he lost his temper. So one blow less, that’s also something. You’re smoking. So one less cigarette. And so a person should always be wise enough to say–even in the midst of confusion—“I won’t go further with my wickedness. I won’t continue with the evil of confusion. I’ll come back to my senses right away.”
Like the boy in the yeshiva who had a fistfight with his own rebbi. It's a true story I'm telling you. He was a good boy. The rebbi was a hot-tempered man. The boy was a young boy, in his teens, and he had a fistfight with his rebbi. So he left. He walked out of the room. I know this story well. It was told to me.
Now for some people that could be the end of his career. But this boy stayed in the yeshiva building. He stood in the corridor. He didn't have to do it. He stood in the corridor and he waited hours until the rebbi was finished for the day and as the rebbi walked out, he walked over to him with tears and he apologized and it was all mended immediately. And the rebbi became good friends with him from then on.
The Secret of Tanach
And so the secret is mekomcha al tanach, don't leave your place because that's what the yetzer hara wants. If you yield, if you're confused and you do something irresponsible, it could be it's not your fault. The yetzer hara made you do it. But the question is what is going to happen from then on? From then on, the chacham says, mekomcha al tanach, don't leave your place.
I gave you one picture but it can happen in a thousand different ways. Some people listening here ...
