Parshas Vayishlach opens with Yaakov Avinu about to encounter Eisav decades after fleeing from him to save his life. As he approaches his brother, Yaakov davens to Hashem, asking, “Hatzileini na miyad achi miyad Eisav—Save me now from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Eisav.”
In his sefer Imrei Pinchas, R’ Pinchas Koritzer zy”a discusses Yaakov’s fear and cites the Toldos Yaakov Yosef who brings the Baal Shem Tov’s explanation on these pesukim. Referring back to Avraham Avinu on his journey to Mitzrayim, he describes Avraham’s sudden fear that he will be killed and notes that the fear only appeared when his thoughts were confused by the realization that Sarah was a beautiful woman. This realization caused him to be afraid, and it was the fear itself that he was afraid of. As long as Avraham Avinu had no fear, the Mitzriyim had no power over him—but once he became afraid, they did have a certain power over him, and this is what happened with Yaakov as well.
Once the fear entered his heart, Yaakov realized that it was possible that Eisav would be able to kill him, and so he davened to Hashem that he be saved.
Lehavdil, one of the presidents of the United States said, “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” When fear exists in a relationship, it influences the ways in which people behave to one another, and sometimes, it’s this underlying fear that needs to be addressed in order to solve the more visible problems.
Are you afraid of your spouse? Is your spouse afraid of you? It could be fear of being vulnerable, or fear of making a mistake; fear of expressing yourself, or fear of not getting it right. How did this come about? Perhaps, if you address the fear itself, you’ll find that there’s actually nothing to be afraid of, and you’ll both be happier, closer, and more connected.
