will be able to use it someday. Whatever it is, you have to know that this confusion was a frame up. Mekomcha al tanach, don't leave your place.
So the next time you have a big argument with your wife and you run out of the house “I'm never coming back,” walk around the block and walk in again. “Aha!” she says. “You're back again.” Take it. Take it. Take it. As long as you're back again. So she won't talk to you for three days. But you're back again.
If you're a teacher in the yeshiva and you have a fight with the principal, don’t do anything rash. Come back the next day like regular. Your wife insulted you? Your rebbe yelled at you? You were embarrassed in public? All the things, all the situations, are frame-ups from the yetzer hara. All the good work that you're doing are like thorns in the eyes of the yetzer hara and his purpose is to bring confusion and to cause you to give up. And therefore these words mekomcha al tanach, do not leave your place are absolutely gold advice. Never make any wild changes, any sudden decisions. Sometimes a dish might fall down and break. Pick it up and paste it together.
Part III. Don’t Worry
Full Control
Now, this important life advice from Koheles—that when you get excited and flustered about something, don’t make a drastic move; and included also is if you were stupid enough to yes do something, then make sure to rectify it immediately—that’s all very good. It’s golden advice that we should never forget. But there’s something even better. And that’s not to get into a tizzy in the first place. A person should be so settled, so calm, that whatever comes his way, whatever bumps he’ll pass over, they won’t even shake him in the first place.
Now, it doesn’t mean you won’t do things, forceful things. Sometimes you must. But it’s always with equanimity, with a mind that is in control. I remember a story. It was told to me and I'd like you to hear it. It was a case of an old rav in the town where I used to be, in Boston, in Chelsea. The rav was angry at a man and he was scolding him. He berated him! After he got through his scolding, the rav took out his watch to see the time and he said to the one he just yelled at, “Are you going downtown? Take me along in your car please.”
Now, the one who repeated the story was saying it as a criticism of that old rav. But I was thinking, “What’s there to criticize? I admire that!” Somebody else, if he had to scold somebody he would become flustered and he would have walked off. Not this old man; he was too foxy for that. He berated him but because he was calm the whole time so as soon as he was finished he was able to pick up the pieces and paste them together. “Take me along with you please.”
Now that he's riding with the man in the car it's all pasted up already. He didn't wait for a week later to apologize or to make a friend of this man. Because he was in full control. One of the hallmarks of a righteous man is that he maintains a tranquility of mind.
Eavesdropping on Dovid’s Intellect
No how to attain that we will learn from Dovid Hamelech; he’s an excellent teacher after all. And in Hallel he said, “יƒכ¿יָח ּ נו¿מƒל יƒׁ ̆¿פַנ יƒב ּ וׁ ̆ – turn back my soul to your repose” (Tehillim 116:7). Dovid is talking to himself here. We’re eavesdropping but actually it’s Dovid talking to his nefesh.
You know, there are two parts to every person. One part is his mind, his intellect and the other part is his emotions, the nefesh. Now, the nefesh becomes a permanent part of us—that’s who we are; it’s our personality—and the purpose of the mind is to shape the personality. It’s the duty of the intellect constantly to work upon the nefesh, to direct and shape the emotions of the nefesh and make it perfect. The emotional personality is being taught by the reason how to adjust to the events of the world, to problems of the world.
And therefore Dovid’s intellect is talking to his nefesh. “יƒכ¿יָח ּ נו¿מƒל יƒׁ ̆¿פַנ יƒב ּ וׁ ̆ – Turn back, my nefesh, to your composure. Even when you’ll be confronted by winds that are blowing from all sides, don’t ever lose your head. יƒכ¿יָלָﬠ לַמָ ּ ‚ 'ה יƒ ּ כ – Because Hashem is already bestowed upon you. There’s nothing to worry about because it’s all arranged already.” Not that it’s going to be taken care of—Hashem is in charge and therefore it’s already is taken care of. לַמָ ּ ‚ not לֹמו¿‚ƒי. It’s already arranged.
The High Road
That’s the real way to come to peace of mind! When you’re convinced that Hashem Melech, that nothing happens in the world unless Hakodosh Boruch Hu does it, so you’re always composed. Because if He does it, „י≈בָﬠ בָט¿ל ‡ָנָמֲחַר „י≈בָﬠ¿ ּ „ י‡ַמ לָ ּ כ – whatever He does, He does for good. יוָׂ ֲ̆ﬠַמ לָכ¿ ּ ב „יƒסָח¿ו – He’s kindly in all of His deeds.
That’s the way to talk to yourself. “Return! Return to your tranquility! Why should you suffer for nothing? יƒכ¿יָלָﬠ לַמָ ּ ‚ 'ה יƒ ּ כ – Hashem has already prepared all the benefits for you. It’s all under control. This world is not a world of accident, not a hefker world, everything is managed. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is behind the scenes and every detail is manipulated solely by Him and it’s all for good.”
And so, you can rely on Him and lean back and enjoy the ride of life. Like it says in the taxi, “Lean back and enjoy the ride.” You’ll have to ride anyhow, so you might as well enjoy it with menuchas hanefesh.
And so when you contemplate these great truths of life and talk to yourself constantly about them, so naturally, your personality becomes more and more perfect and you’ll eventually come to the madreigah of menuchas hanefesh.
The Low Road
But the question is are we going to wait until we arrive at that madreigeh, until we become deep thinkers and an ish menucha like Dovid was? No, we can’t wait. Who knows what might happen in the meanwhile? And so, we say, let’s come to menuchas hanefesh any way we can. Even if it’s not the high road, we’ll take the low road too if it will help us live successfully.
Now there's a story, I can't tell you if it's true or not, but I heard it in the name of somebody who said Shlomo Hamelech once had a ring made for him. And on the ring he had inscribed gimmel zayin yud.
And he gave this ring to somebody and said, “This is the biggest gift I can give you.”
So the person said, “What does the gimmel zayin yud stand for?”
So Shlomo said “רֹבוֲﬠַי ה∆ז םַ ּ ‚ – this too will pass by.” You don't have to get excited. Nothing is that terrible that you should lose your head. It will pass by. Once I said this in public, so a man who heard the tape, he made a golden ring with gimmel zayin yud on it and he sent it to me.
Losing It In Canada
Now, I’m not recommending a ring davka but the truth is that it’s a sensible way of looking at many of the troubles that the yetzer hara disrupts you with. Whatever it is, it’s going to pass. Even if you’re not yet a big baal bitachon, you didn’t yet mold your nefesh into a personality of יƒכ¿יָלָﬠ לָמָ ּ ‚ יƒ ּ כ, but there’s a lower madreigah of רֹבוֲﬠַי ה∆ז ם ַ ּ ‚ – sooner or later the trouble will pass. And so you should always have that imaginary ring on your finger and use it to encourage yourself in menuchas hanefesh. And don’t disdain that. Don’t scorn that method. Why shouldn’t we utilize any method to arrive at menuchas hanefesh?
Like the man who called me from Canada again and again. He wanted to commit suicide. He’s in the middle of a big mess with the authorities and he wants to end it.
“What’s the hurry?” I said. “You can commit suicide next year too.” I was thinking that it’ll pass. Whatever it is, whatever the results are, it’s not as bad as the confusion makes it appear. Gam zeh yaavor.
Losing It In Queens
I remember once the borough president of Queens; he was a Jew, a shomer mitzvos. I liked him. He was a decent man. And he was being indicted because of a scandal in parking tickets. Maybe he took bribes for parking tickets, something illegal he did.
So I wrote him a letter. “Don't be too discouraged,” I said, “Whatever happens to you, even if it's prison you will get out. You have plenty of money put away someplace. You can go to Eretz Yisroel and live b’menuchah for the rest of your life. They can't give you such a long prison term. It’s not serious. It’ll pass.”
He didn't pay attention to my letter and he committed suicide, nebach. For nothing at all. No need. He could have lived. He’d be living today. He’d be happily retired somewhere. He cut his wrists and killed himself.
Looking Into the Future
Therefore it's good common sense advice that you should never become so discouraged and think all is lost. Because someday you'll look back and you'll laugh at your experience. Gam zeh ya’avor! It’s not so terrible; this too will pass.
Like the couple who wanted to break up—there was an argument and foolish words were exchanged and now they want a gett. “There’s no rush,” I told him. “You can give a gett next month too.”
By next month it will pass. They’ll make up. So gam zeh ya’avor, it all passes by. That's what we're learning.
Sometimes you might be embarrassed in public. Or maybe you suffered a loss. Maybe your plans, even your most important plans, fell apart. Gam zeh ya’avor – it’ll pass by. You’ll continue to function. Don’t worry about it. Soon you’ll regain your normalcy and equilibrium. It doesn’t take long to forget something that happened. It could be that even by tomorrow things will be different already. You’ll sleep it off and forget it by tomorrow. And even if not, then a few tomorrows later things will change.
The Magic Ring
Now, these things happen to everybody. Because the yetzer hora won’t give up. And therefore never forget the golden rule:חַּנַ ּ ̇ לַ‡ ָ ך¿מֹו ̃¿מ – Don't get excited! Don’t change your routine! רֹבוֲﬠַי ה∆ז םַ ּ ‚ – Look at the ring. In your mind you have a picture of the ring: Gimmel, Zayin, Yud. It will pass by.
Of course if you can have bitachon in Hakadosh Baruch Hu that's the best thing. If you can live with the words of Dovid Hamelech and remain calm because of emunah, thar’s the best way. ה≈ﬠ¿ ר ּ ו 'הַ ּ ב חַט¿ ּ ב הָנ ּ מו¡‡ – Pasture yourself with emunah. That's the right way but if not then at least you should rely on the common sense advice of Dovid’s son, Shlomo. In most cases it will pass by and therefore חַּנַ ּ ̇ לַ‡ ָ ך¿מֹו ̃¿מ. Otherwise you’ll react and run and who knows what will happen.
Yaakov and Eisav
That's why Eisav got lost. He became upset when he saw that Yaakov was being matzliach, so he threw it all away. Nothing was chasing him but he ran. ף≈„ֹרו עָׁ ָ̆ר – The wicked one flees when there’s no one pursuing him. That’s Eisav.
חָט¿בƒי ירƒפ¿כƒ ּ כ יםƒ ̃יƒ ּ „ַˆ¿ו – But the righteous have confidence like a young lion (Mishlei 28:1). בֹ ֲ̃ﬠַי ה∆ז – That’s Yaakov. That’s what the Chachomim say in the Medrash. בֹ ֲ̃ﬠַי ב∆ׁ ̆≈ ּ יַו רַמ¡‡∆ּנ∆ׁ ̆ – Yaakov remained sitting, יוƒבָ‡ י≈ר ּ ו‚¿מ ı∆ר∆‡¿ ּ ב — in the land where his father dwelled (Breishis 37:1). Yaakov could have fled too. He could have thought “Oy vey. Here's Eisav. Eisav is a tough guy. He has a lot of soldiers and he has a history of vengeance, of anger against me. He might even take it out on me some day.” And so Yaakov could have panicked and fled too.
But he didn't because he was not a rasha. Yaakov was not in ra’ash. He had calmness. He had composure of mind. יƒכ¿יָח ּ נו ¿מƒל יƒׁ ̆¿פַנ יƒב ּ וׁ ̆ – He was trained in emunah, in menuchas hanefesh. He was a tzaddik who had developed the strength of character to be able to go through all the storms and weather them with bitachon.
And even if you're not a tzaddik—maybe you’re not yet a tzaddik—but if you're a chacham you’ll also weather the storm. You won’t panic because you’ll take the good advice of Shlomo Hamelech, לַ‡ ָ ך¿מֹו ̃¿מ חַּנַ ּ ̇. You won’t do anything rash. And the end will be רֹבוֲﬠַי ה∆ז םַ ּ ‚ and you'll see better days after that.
Have a Wonderful Shabbos
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Let’s Get Practical
Keep Your Composure
A Tzaddik is someone who keeps his composure and is not thrown into the confusion of raash which throws a rasha off course. This week I will bli neder take one minute per day to quiet my mind and stop the daily grind. I will concentrate on attaining calm, and remembering that Hashem is in control of my day and of crises big and small. If I am going through something, I will remember that Gam zeh yaavor, this too, shall pass. And Tzaddik b’emunaso yichyeh, a righteous man lives by his trust in Hashem.
This week’s booklet is based on tapes: 6 - Evil of Confusion | 99 - Peace of Mind | 301 - Serene Mind 692 - Keeping Calm | 794 - Bitachon and the Calm Mind 850 - Errors of Eisav Listen to the original lectures of Rav Miller zatzal on the Mipihu Phone Line 718-400-7220. Mipihu is a project of Yeshiva Gedolah Beis Yisroel - Rav Miller’s Yeshivah
