Question: I just want to start thanking the Rav for all the Torah that I learned from you. For my question. I am 20 and I'm getting married in a few weeks, Baruch Hashem. I feel so much Hakaras HaTov to Hashem. But the hard part is that I have a sister, one year older than me, who is still young, and she is single. She is amazing and has so much to offer, and has been through a lot with dating, but just hasn't met the right one. Although she is so happy for me and so excited, it's really, really hard for me. All I want is for her to be going through the excitement that I have, for herself. I want her to meet her husband, and to feel happy and fulfilled. Can the Rav please give me any advice for any things I can take upon myself, things to work on, or to learn, as a Zechus for my sister finding her Zivug B’karov? Are there a certain Tefilos I can say? Bitachon skills, etc.? Thank you! Kol Tov!
Answer: You should know that I have such respect for you. Your feelings for your sister will bring you such Olam HaBah. Your Chosson lucked out getting such a Kallah like you. However, as great as you are, the Yetzer Hara is also great, and he loves making people depressed, especially if there is a good reason. So for your sanity, which is very important, here is what you should do. You have to have a side to you that is super chilled. Live your Simcha, and don’t care about her. You cannot spoil your Simcha because of a sister, no way! Be super happy and enjoy! Spend a few minutes davening for her, and no more. Then, get her out of you head. You will be a cold nasty sister who doesn’t care, you will have to be like two people.
There is a story from the Slabodka Yeshiva where one of the Chashuva Rosh Yeshiva’s were Niftar on the day of a Talmid’s Chasuna, and the Talmidim didn’t want to go, because of their sadness of their Rosh Yeshiva’s Petira. But one the Rabbeim said: Because of your sadness, this Chosson will suffer?? Go and make Freilach! You have to always make sure that your Simcha is the one dominating.
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
