A person must be willing to let go of perceptions he has about himself. Very often, these perceptions are rooted in falsehood. They may be based upon past successes that he has had, or certain talents that he perceives that he has... and this “picture” that he has of himself causes great problems.
Let us take, for example, a nineteen or twenty-one-year-old youth. In his adolescence, he became accustomed to receiving everything he needs, and he has been given recognition and adulation from those around him. This cemented in him a feeling of self-entitlement, a feeling that everything is coming to him. Everyone who doesn’t get on board with this attitude will be on the receiving end of his full wrath. This young man is living under the illusion that he deserves everything, and everything is coming to him.
The person’s entire inner system is not functioning properly. His ability to recite Birchas HaMazon...to properly perform kibbud av v’eim... to give proper praise and thanks to Hashem during Shemoneh Esrei is completely impeded. The system isn’t working... for even when he enunciates the words of הודאה—because this is what the Chachamim have instituted—his heart isn’t in it; he doesn’t experience feelings of gratitude. His mind is steeped in the klipah that that he deserves everything—for he is such a great gift to the world, and he deserves so much more. No one should dare tell him what to do... “Whatever they will give me is not enough.”
The Ba’al Ga’avah Is Detached from Avodas Hashem
Incapable of Teshuvah
There are so many aspects of avodas Hashem that require bittul to the Ribbono shel Olam. A person feels bittul toward Hashem and is filled with gratitude towards Him, and he feels so pained because he did an aveirah. “The Ribbono shel Olam gave me my eyes and He gives them life at every moment, and now I went and used those eyes to cause pain to the Shechinah. Woe is me!” He feels deep regret. He says to the Ribbono shel Olam, “I don’t know how this happened.... Help me so that it never happens again. It’s so painful for me; I am filled with embarrassment.” But the ba’al ga’avah is removed from any such thinking... he is incapable of true remorse and regret... and so there are many aspects of avodas Hashem that he cannot access.
Is it any wonder that he doesn’t merit siyatta diShmaya?! He cannot do teshuvah, for he thinks that teshuvah is for everyone but him. He cannot properly praise and thank Hashem—for true thanks emanate from a feeling of being undeserving...a feeling that no matter how much he will give thanks it will never be enough, because he never deserved all this good. One who is not a ba’al ga’avah is afraid to ask for more, because he has already received so much.
However, our friend here doesn’t see it this way. In his hubris, he feels that he does deserve it all—and more. Thus, how can he give thanks with the proper attitude? His teshuvah is likewise no teshuvah, as said. His tefillah is no tefillah. And his Torah... it is better not to speak of it. It is certainly not about the Ribbono shel Olam. It is merely a tool for his ga’avah. He doesn’t have siyatta diShmaya, and therefore he is angry at the whole world. It is a vicious cycle that goes around and around...
“Remove from Me the Way of Falsehood”
Thus, this person’s problems didn’t begin now... they began much earlier. And so, perhaps one day, the Ribbono shel Olam will help him in the zechus of the tears of a grandmother or in the merit of some mitzvah that he did l’sheim Shamayim, and he will find the pasuk in Tehillim ממני הסר שקר דרך, remove from me the way of falsehood... and it will speak to him.
He received an arousal from Above... perhaps it was Chanukah, a time when it is illuminated even in the darkest places, and he discovered this pasuk....and he began saying it over and over, until it penetrated deep inside him—and he received a new outlook on himself. Everything changed. He began to understand that his previous perception of himself was based in error, and that he hadn’t seen the picture in the right light until then.
This person now has hope that HaKadosh Baruch Hu will help him.
Physicians, Not Experts
How much must one toil to remove ga’avah from himself? The Ba’al Shem Tov dedicated his life to helping even the simplest Yidden understand this problem. Ga’avah isn’t only a problem for great people. It stands behind the problems of even the simplest people as well.
If a person is bad at communicating with people, he goes to an expert who will help him with the tools to better communicate. The expert will teach him how to smile, how to answer, how to carry on a conversation.... This person doesn’t have a ga’avah issue... rather, we say he simply has “communication issues.” Everything is given a clinical term today—all because we don’t want to deal with the root cause. One must understand that there is a root issue here, and it is diagnosed by a spiritual healer.
How Humility Changes Everything
When a person begins to feel that he deserves nothing... he has done so many aveiros and earned so many blemishes... he doesn’t deserve anything, and when he does get a small “reprimand” from Above in the form of a negative event, he doesn’t complain, because he feels that he probably deserved it... Now he begins to advance in all areas of avodas Hashem.
Now—when he recites Birchas HaMazon—he feels great emotion when he says לנו יחסר לא תמיד הגדול ובטובו, in His great kindness we will never lack.... Similarly, he begins to treat people differently. And he therefore merits to understand Torah, to daven properly, and for his tefillos to be answered... and thus he begins to see success in his life.
