A person must recognize his weaknesses. That is, a person must be willing to think also about those things that will change his perception of himself. Be willing to highlight the aspects of yourself that will change your picture of yourself.
You’re always talking about the good parts...now add to the picture also the dark places within yourself, and the picture will then be a fusion of all of you so you can see: This is who I am. There are things in which the Ribbono shel Olam gave me success, and there are things that I still need to work out. I am embarrassed by them, and I don’t want anyone to know about them...
Now let us proceed a bit further, to a topic that is really very simple, but very important: talking about our successes. Don’t talk about your successes, and don’t talk about your positive attributes. It’s painful to see people who don’t understand this. It’s as though they want to “help other people” by telling them about their successes and the מעלות that they have. It’s frankly repulsive in any form. Such behavior impedes Torah, it impedes learning, and it certainly impedes our ahavas Yisrael.
One doesn’t even realize how many people will distance themselves from him when he talks like this. Practically speaking, no one is interested. We can debate whether it’s acceptable to do in front of his parents—about whom it is said that they don’t become jealous of their child—but even there it’s not necessarily a good idea.
How Ehrliche Yidden Behaved
Ehrliche Yidden, chassidim of bygone generations, did the opposite of showing off their successes and their positives. When meeting their Rebbe, they did everything to conceal their positives, so the Rebbe would see their entire picture. They understood that מעלות and successes are not the point when coming before a tzaddik and seeking a way in teshuvah.
Imagine that when coming to a doctor, and the doctor asks where it hurts, the patient will answer, “Wait, I want to tell you about all my organs that are working amazingly, and how successful I am in so many areas.” How is this important right now? We have important business to deal with now. We’re looking for healing, and if you can’t focus on what is relevant, you will be asked to leave.
Talking about successes and מעלות wrecks a person. It causes him to begin believing in himself. He says ten times that Hashem helped him, but then he talks all about his experiences and smart moves. If you want to talk about the greatness of Hashem, talk about the ways in which He helped the other guy. About the things in which He helped you, you can give praise and thanks in private, between yourself and your Creator.
The problem is that when a person talks too much about his successes, he begins to believe that his successes compose who he is, and this gives him an erroneous picture of himself.
In addition, focusing on the positive aspects of one’s life is, in essence, putting forward a false picture of himself... sheker, essentially.
A Personal Reckoning of Everything
For this reason, there’s a concept of making a cheshbon hanefesh before one goes to sleep at night. It doesn’t need to be public, and he doesn’t need to share it with the members of his household. But when doing so, it is important to speak about everything that took place that day... even the things he would like to forget about.
When a person feels embarrassed and humiliated by his misdeeds, and then strengthens himself with the knowledge that the Ribbono shel Olam loves him and wants to help him... he will give thanks for the help that Hashem gives him and for the boundless good that He gives him. This will elevate him and inspire Hashem to accept his tefillos.
A person must know who he is, and his entire picture, and what are his sources of chiyus. He must take great chiyus from the closeness that he has to Hashem... from the fact that Hashem is preoccupied with him and is willing to show him his errors.
Remembering That Hashem Remains Engaged with Us
How much thanks must we give for the fact that Hashem shows us the error of our ways, and doesn’t cast us away! A person does something wrong, and Hashem indicates it to him right away. Some people get lost by this... they feel pushed away. But no! How much אלוקים קרבת lies within this? Do you know what it means that Hashem didn’t cast you away the way he did the נחש? He showed you, black on white, I am with you and I am watching you!
If one will only look at himself and at the world in another light, Hashem will surely listen to his tefillos, and once Hashem listens to him, everything begins to move.
You don’t understand your learning? Wonderful, you have a reason to feel humble. This person has accepted his shortcomings and understands that they’re the best thing in the world for him—because in this way he knows that Hashem is watching over him and that he should remember that he isn’t infallible.
When a person places his shortcomings into this context, and begins to see himself in a truer light, he will see that he will feel sweetness and elevation, and he will see his tefillos answered more readily. He will also feel his physical pain a bit less... he will no longer need to run to the doctor, for he has more direct ways to address his pain.
One Who Comes to Purify Himself Is Helped From Above
Perhaps the issues we spoke about here are not matters we speak about every day. But this is what our tzaddidim have taught us. All the talmidei Ba’al Shem Tov... there’s rarely a word in all their holy sefarim that don’t touch upon this topic in one way or another... how much they abhorred ga’avah. There can be Torah, there can be mitzvos... but if it is with an attitude of ga’avah, it is worthless. And if a person seeks to look at himself in a truer light, the Ribbono shel Olam will help him.
Coming to purify himself, ליטהר בא, means to adjust our outlook on the situation. Beg Hashem. חנני ותורתך ממני הסר שקר דרך, remove from me the way of falsehood and bequeath to me your Torah, as we have brought from the Rebbe Reb Elimelech that a person must daven long and hard to have the sheker removed from him. And the Ribbono shel Olam will surely not abandon us. He is looking for people who want to be this way.
One who comports himself with humility... respects others and is grateful to others, and he has the attitude that nothing is coming to him. He views his parents through a lens of never having deserved anything, and his attitude to Hashem is likewise that he has only caused pain to the Shechinah and never deserved the boundless good that he has received. HaKadosh Baruch Hu listens to a person like this. נשבר לב תבזה לא אלוקים ונדכה.
Another day lived like this... and another day lived like this... and we begin to see the world differently. A new world is opened before a person, and a new shefah is discharged to him from Above. And then he comes to understand what a great gift we were given by the Ribbono shel Olam because we have a Tehillim, and we were given the tzaddikim who explained these special verses in Tehillim regarding humility and brokenness—all so we should know the proper way to see ourselves and our role in the world.
