Yaakov Avinu came back with enormous wealth. He had tens and hundreds of thousands of sheep, camels, donkeys and servants. Eisav gathered 400 men to kill Yaakov. How did Yaakov manage to save himself, convince Eisav not to kill him and even kiss him and hug him?!
Rav Yankel Galinsky explained the answer with the following story.
The Rambam besides being a great Torah scholar was a top Doctor.
When he started out, he went and became a student by a big Doctor.
Someone came to see the Doctor with severe headaches. The Doctor checked him out and came to the conclusion that a worm had crawled up the man's nostril into his head and was eating into his brain.
The Doctor had no choice but to operate on the man. He sedated him and then cut a hole into his head. He took a tweezers to try and pick out the worm.
The Rambam turned to the Doctor and asked how he could do such a thing? The worm would surely try and crawl away and the Doctor will end up causing a lot damage to his brain. The doctor agreed he was right, but sometimes it’s the only option. Otherwise the worm would completely damage the patient's brain.
The Rambam asked the Doctor if he could give him an hour and he will try and naturally remove the worm.
An hour later, the Rambam returned with a strong scented leaves and put it next to the hole in the man's head. It never took very long and the worm crawled out to start nibbling on the grass.
The Doctor was astounded.
Each creation and what talks to them. The worm with it’s leaf and Eisav with his goats, sheep and camels.
An expert fisherman once commented, "I love cheesecake with strawberries and cream, but what can I do, the fish don't, they enjoy worms!. So to catch the fish I have to give them worms, not cake and cream!"
Yaakov Avinu understood Eisav's mentality and what spoke to him, he therefore knew what would cause him to melt.
So too when we are educating our children and students, we have to try and appreciate what they enjoy and how to buy their interest. In that way they will be interested in what we have to say too.
The following is explained by the Rambam in his commentary on the Mishnayos Sanhedrin chapter 10.
The Rambam explains that when a child comes to his Rebbi and doesn't want to read, his Rebbi should bribe him with some nuts or honey. Although the kid still isn't interested in learning but he wants the nuts.
The Rambam continues, when the child outgrows the nuts, then his Rebbi should bribe him with nice clothing or nice shoes. When he outgrows that, his Rebbi should offer him some money!
When he outgrows that too, then his Rebbi should convince that it’s worthwhile learning to become a Rav and Rosh Yeshiva and he will get a lot of Kavod!
The Rambam continues that although it’s not the ideal way, but as long as the mind is still too small to understand the true value one must use an incentive!
Now let's try and understand what age group the Rambam is talking about.
Nuts and honey, a kid. Nice clothing and nice shoes, a teenager. Money? To become a Rav???
Yes no matter what age we must always look for a way to draw the interest of the other person, even in Ruchaniyus!
The Gemara (Taanis 24.) brings down a story.
There was a shortage of rain. Rav decreed that everyone fasts. But the rain never came.
Someone was the Chazzan, said Mashiv Haruach and winds started bowing; he said Umorid Hageshem and it started raining.
Rav asked him what does he do?
The man replied, “I am a Rebbi in Yeshiva. I teach the kids from poor homes just like the kids from wealthy homes. If they can’t afford to pay I don’t ask them for money. When I have a student who misbehaves and doesn’t want to learn I bribe him. (Didn’t throw him out of class, didn’t send him home, didn’t embarrass him or ask for a parent’s signature.) I have an aquarium of fish and I give him a small jar with a fish. Then I encourage him until he starts learning.”
The Gemara (Bava Metzia 85.) brings down another story.
Rabbi Yehuda Hanassi came to town. He asked if Rabbi Elazar ben Rabbi Shimon (bar Yochai) had any sons. He was told that he has a son who is OTD (off the Derech and behaving very indecently).
Rebbi called him and gave him a letter to become a Rav, (known as Semicha). He then sent him to study by Rabbi Shimon ben Issi.
Every day he would tell Rebbi Shimon that he doesn’t want to learn and wants to go back to his friends.
Rebbi Shimon would reply, “how can you? you’re going to become a Rav and wear the golden cloak, you will have many students.”
Day by day Rabbi Shimon ben Issi convinced him until he promised that he will continue studying.
The Gemara tells us that he became as great as his father. His name was Rabbi Yosi ben Rabbi Elazar ben Rabbi Shimon (bar Yochai).
Our job as parents and educators is to find the unique scent, the unique leaf that will catch the interest of each individual child.
Oh, it isn’t always easy; sometimes it’s nearly impossible but we have to remember our mission and our goal.
Then it may have been a goldfish, today we’ve got to find something else. But let’s not lose focus.
