In this week’s parshah, Yaakov Avinu discovers that his brother Eisav is coming to meet him on his way back to Eretz Yisrael, together with four hundred men. The Torah tells us that Yaakov Avinu became “very afraid” when he learned of this, which is hard to understand given that Yaakov had already made his preparations for this encounter and knew how evil Eisav was.
The Shem Mishmuel explains that Yaakov’s sudden fears were not caused by Eisav himself, nor by the armed men, which he expected. However, when Yaakov saw “four hundred ish” approaching, and not “four hundred anashim,” he realized that Eisav was armed with a power that he had not anticipated. The Torah uses here the singular form of “man” rather than “men — anashim,” to hint at a unity of purpose between Eisav and his soldiers.
Another example of this idea is found in Sefer Shemos when Bnei Yisrael were “very afraid” of “Egypt traveling after them” and the Torah uses the singular form of “traveling.” The Shem Mishmuel explains that the power derived from achdus — unity — is a holy power, which is why both Yaakov Avinu and Bnei Yisrael were afraid when confronted by an enemy that was united in a desire to destroy them.
Being be’achdus gives a group of people power that they would not otherwise have, as we also see with the Dor Haflagah who united to build a tower “up to the Heavens” where they intended to fight against Hashem. Given their unity of purpose, the only way to thwart them was to divide them.
Within the home, achdus between husband and wife is crucial. When spouses are truly united in wanting to build a home, they can overcome even huge problems that confront them. When spouses lack that fundamental unity, even minor problems can shake the foundations.
Being be’achdus with one’s spouse doesn’t mean that one spouse gives up his ideas, his desires, and certainly not his identity in order to unite with the other. It means that each one respects the other and wants to bring out the best in both of them. Although the methods used by each couple will differ based on their personalities and circumstances, the underlying desire to build a Torah home together will bring them the siyatta diShmaya they need to succeed in their endeavors.
