As Yaakov Avinu prepared to encounter his brother after years of separation, he set aside animals to give him as a gift. The passuk tells us that “he took from what came into his hand a gift for his brother Eisav.” Based on these words, the Kotzker Rebbe zy”a delivers a powerful message for life. A person shouldn’t just grab whatever comes to hand, seizing any opportunity that presents itself. Acting without thinking things through and assessing what is the right thing to do is likely to end up being “a gift to Eisav,” something that awards a prize to the sitra achra and brings the person to spiritual or material ruin — or both. This can happen even if a person is certain that what he is about to do or grab is a mitzvah. Without proper thought, it’s easy to get confused and make bad judgments.
Relationships can be harmed and even shattered due to people failing to carefully consider their actions. Especially when it comes to the things in life we know are important and the people we care about most, it’s essential to think things through properly. Any significant decision, any important encounter should be approached with the respect it deserves, which means investing thought and planning.
Taking relationships seriously doesn’t mean that people need specialized training before getting married — quite the opposite. Everyone for whom the Torah is their guiding light has all they need to build a proper home, one of kedushah. And yet, along with that confidence, one should never treat marriage lightly. Things don’t just fall into place without effort; life doesn’t just work out for people who approach it irresponsibly. When we make the proper preparations, however, and keep our true goal in mind, we can build edifices that will last forever.
