I have a very close friend who had been waiting for children for fourteen years, but anyone who did not know that would never have realized it. This avreich always had a smile on his face.
Baruch Hashem, on Shabbos Parshas Nitzavim all his friends heard the good news that his first daughter was born. Everyone gave thanks to Hashem.
There was much meaning in reflecting on the fourteen years during which he was barren. On the one hand, he was hoping for a yeshuah all that time; on the other hand, he was always happy. It would seem that these two things contradict each other — if one is still hoping and praying, shouldn’t this affect his serenity?
Let’s take a peek at one part of an essay this avreich wrote, which will enable us to understand. The title of the essay is, “When we understand that Hashem is good, all worries disappear”:
The basic level is to trust in Hashem’s goodness and to be sure that He will do good to me.
A person says: Of course, He is good and He does good to me, but how am I to know what is good for me? Perhaps it is good for me that I be in this situation. Perhaps it is good for me to have a hard time making ends meet. Perhaps it is good for me to be in debt. Perhaps it is for my good to live in a small apartment, or to cope with a problematic child. Perhaps it is good for me not to have children. There are built-in explanations and rationalizations to clarify why these situations may be good for him.
Moreover, there is the inner voice that says, “Perhaps I am not deserving or worthy.”
If this is how a person thinks, it means that he needs to strengthen himself in the knowledge that “Hashem is good to all” – to think about the endless goodness of Hashem, both on a personal level and on a community level, as well as to the whole world. In this way he will be able to feel Hashem’s goodness thoroughly, in every aspect of his being.
This is like a small child who asks his parents for something — he does not ask whether he deserves it or not. This is how you need to approach Hakadosh Baruch Hu: Hope and anticipate and daven for what you want. Of course, you need to improve yourself, but not to feel that you are undeserving; because in truth, we are not deserving of anything at all. We trust in Hashem’s goodness, and His goodness has no limits.
So long as you haven’t heard clearly that it is not good for you, as Moshe Rabbenu heard from Hakadosh Baruch Hu – “Do not speak to me about this anymore” – continue to daven and hope for revealed good.
This applies at all times, and especially in the month of Tishrei, when it is vital for us to know that Hashem is good, to ask and to anticipate that Hakadosh Baruch Hu will give us every single thing, and to daven for everything we desire. Hashem is good, and He wants the best for us.
Best wishes for a happy and sweet New Year,
Pinchas Shefer
