The following personal story was shared by the baal hamaaseh, Reb Shlomo Sufrin (a.k.a. Shlomo Simcha). Many thanks to him for sharing, zechus horabim toluy bo! I am giving it over in first person, as I heard it from him:
“As a young bochur, I was learning in the Lubavitch mechina in London. At that time, I was going through personal struggles, and was troubled by questions and doubts in emuna. My father a”h was very troubled by my questions and situation, and he wrote to the Rebbe for guidance.
The Rebbe replied that he should consult with yedidim mevinim.
My father was very close with Reb Nosson (Bobby) Vogel, and he discussed my situation with him. Rabbi Vogel urged my father to send me to Eretz Yisroel, to Reb Asher Freund. (This was before the term “children at risk” had been coined, but Rabbi Freund had much success, through his unique approach, in reaching and influencing youth who were struggling in conventional mosdos).
My father was scandalized by the suggestion! He, who had shown such mesirus nefesh for years for the Rebbe’s mosdos, should send his own child to a non-Lubavitch mosad?! (In fact, he used to tease Bobby Vogel during farbrengens about his great admiration and reverence to Rabbi Freund, telling him a Lubavitcher can only have one Rebbe). He was absolutely certain that the Rebbe would never condone such a move!
A few months went by, and my situation did not improve, and my father, in desperation, wrote to the Rebbe again. Following that second letter, he received a call from Rabbi Groner, telling him that he went into the Rebbe, and the Rebbe said (regarding this letter) that he had already replied to this question. My father explained that the advice that he received from the yedidim mevinim was one that he couldn’t possibly follow, but Rabbi Groner said that that was the answer for him.
Eventually my father sent me to Eretz Yisroel, and I joined Rabbi Freund’s program. In fact, I received many yesodos there that hadn’t been addressed earlier. I spent some time there, and then returned to London.
A few decades passed, and about 3 years ago I was in Lakewood, where I had been brought to sing at a chasuna. Rabbi Hertz, the rosh yeshiva from London was there as well. We met, and he commented to me ‘So you’re Shlomo Sufrin, the Rebbe spoke to me about you during a yechidus for between a half hour and 45 minutes’
I was shocked. What did the Rebbe have to speak with Rabbi Hertz about, regarding me?! But when I questioned him, he changed the subject, saying that it was better not to speak about it.
Understandably, I wouldn’t relent, and finally he shared the details: During his yechidus the Rebbe urged him to convince my father to send me to Reb Asher Freund’s program! The Rebbe devoted all that time to explain to Rabbi Hertz the advantages of the methods and philosophy of Rabbi Freund and why they would be beneficial for me, so that he would have convincing arguments to present to my father. The Rebbe said ‘Let him get the yesodos there. Chassidus will come afterwards’ (which is exactly what happened). (Of course, he would need to accomplish this without using the Rebbe’s name).
I was flabbergasted at this bombshell from Rabbi Hertz. This personal attention that the Rebbe had given to my situation had been previously completely unbeknownst to me. I contacted my mother to ask her about any part Rabbi Hertz had played in the decision to send me to Eretz Yisroel.
When I told her what he had told me, she reacted with surprise. ‘Now I understand what happened’ she exclaimed. ‘There was one Shabbos afternoon, that Rabbi and Rebbetzin Hertz suddenly knocked on our door. They said they were out for a walk and were just passing by. Of course, we invited them in. We got into a long conversation, during which Rabbi Hertz asked about how Shlomie is doing, and spoke at length about why Rabbi Freund’s program would be very beneficial for him. Eventually, we were convinced’.
Undoubtedly, one amazing aspect of the story is the personal care and attention that the Rebbe gave behind the scenes for a young bochur, to the point of devoting over a half hour (and we all know how every moment of the Rebbe was so precious), during a yechidus with a communal leader, to the welfare of the individual bochur!
But there is another amazing lesson from this story: Imagine you had a pressing question and you wrote to the Rebbe, and the Rebbe answered כעצת ידידים מביננם. Firstly, you would – most probably – be disappointed. You were hoping for an answer from the Rebbe himself, an answer that you could have absolute confidence and trust in. You may feel that being sent to yedidim mevinim is a let down.
